According To Wes

Charm The Toothbrush Out Her Mouth

• Wes/DeLaw • Season 9 • Episode 5

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We venture into the dynamics of charm and communication within lasting relationships. With humor and honesty, we reflect on what it means to maintain attraction and strengthen bonds in marriage. 

• Examining the evolution of charm in relationships 
• Reflecting on past experiences and learning from team dynamics 
• Conversations on job security, downsizing, and its emotional impact 
• The significance of honest communication in partnerships 
• Understanding desire and attraction in long-term commitments 
• Analyzing a listener's relationship dilemma about lines of comfort 
• Drawing humor and insight from playful exchanges on marriage 


Wes:

you, it's turning that charm on to benefit her and it it ain't really never benefiting me because I don't you know what I mean. Like I'm doing this because I know this is the way that she'll receive it and I fail to do it in a way with stuff that I need and want so she can receive it. Do you find yourself doing that? No, you turn the charm on for the stuff that you need to or want, for the stuff I you need to or want.

DeLaw:

For the stuff I need and want. Yeah, of course.

Wes:

I'm fucking up then. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the According to Wes podcast. As always, we have D-Law here we have D-Law, the one and four coach.

DeLaw:

We won by four feet yesterday, so I take my-.

Wes:

Yeah, come on, man, four feet.

DeLaw:

Hey look, I take a win is a win A win is a four feet it's district heights.

Wes:

A win is not a. You got me, Wes. A win is not a win, Wes.

DeLaw:

A win is a win Nope.

Wes:

That's just like Shorty giving you sympathy sex and you're like yep, I got it. I don't want sympathy head. I want to suck the bone off that motherfucking head. I don't want sympathy.

DeLaw:

That sympathy head might be just as good as I like your head, you don't?

Wes:

need to believe that, and you know that's a lie.

DeLaw:

That's because you can see my face.

Wes:

Yeah, he's sucking the bone. You don't need to believe that and you know that's a lie. That's because you can see my face that I'm saying Sucking off the bone head is like a whole hell of a lot better. You got me Wes and D-Law lying and shit. A win is a win. He don't believe that. What did you say?

DeLaw:

Do you see us now? You better not wear that to practice today. I wear it to practice. I wear it to the games. I mean we're playing in Prince George's County. It's all neighbors there. It's just in case the random white person comes.

Wes:

I'm talking about the forfeit Like they go, think like you know what. Maybe we get some more forfeits under our belt and man but yeah, we're playing Kettering that day. I was playing. We always losing to Kettering. Kettering was hard. Kettering's a hard team but when you were younger you played for Kettering right, I played for Bowie Bowie when y'all played Kettering. When y'all was younger, was Kettering hard.

DeLaw:

Kettering beat us 56-0, if not more. It got so bad they turned their scoreboard off, so I couldn't really determine what the score was.

Wes:

Oh, jeez, oh jeez. Fuck.

DeLaw:

You know, there's certain teams that I've played against and coached against that I haven't yet to ever beat. I beat Poundville.

Wes:

We beat Poundville.

DeLaw:

I beat Powderbill. Okay, we beat Powderbill. I've lost to Largo every time. Yep, I've lost to Evangel Cathedral's basketball team coaching and playing. Damn, I know right. Um, I lost to. So far I have lost to Camp Springs every time. Now, camp Springs, yeah, I don't count teams that I've only played once. So, like you know, in football you only play the teams once I played Atlanta. Laurel is now on my list of teams I can't beat because they just beat us. In basketball I haven't played against. I played for Bowie. But when I played for Bowie I won a game, but the team when I got bumped to 85 pounds won no game. So I went a season of one win and all losses.

Wes:

God dang.

DeLaw:

But if I had stayed 75 pounds, we probably wouldn't have went on the field. I was just a different beast at running back when I played at Booty. But when I moved up to 85, they didn't want to play me at running back and I was like you know, I get why you don't want to, because of your offense and how it's fitting when you have races and motherfuckers like you have white kids. But let me run. Like put me in that backfield, give me a blocker, I'll get you some yards. Like let me give me, let me know I'm being confident, get my confidence up and let me run the ball Right.

Wes:

Yeah, we out there reliving our twilight and our highlights, but we were just talking about the, the tomfoolery. Yeah, I was just looking at the news not too long ago, maybe like some hours ago. It was like they got some people got those emails yesterday. Yeah, it was like they got some people got those emails yesterday. Yeah, I was like saying yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you? What have you done in the last two weeks that has been important this, this and that. Reply back to your supervisor with that. So I was like so, based off of what I did the last two weeks, that's going to determine if I keep my job. What if this shit is top secret and I can't really tell you what the fuck I did in the last two weeks? It's just all the way foolish.

DeLaw:

Yeah. So because, like I was saying, I'm like first you made me come back to work, then I come back to work for you, just to fire me. Then, if I'm not part of the 000 people that give fire, now you're saying that on a saturday afternoon when I'm at a basketball game or two done or doing whatever else I'm doing, and I have no federal agency phone and I'm supposed to be checking an email that I I'm not going to get until monday to describe what I did in the last two weeks when we all just did performance evaluations that said that I was exceptional or satisfactory. I'm not understanding what you're doing. It's getting to a point and I'm not even in the Fed's model. It's to a point.

DeLaw:

Okay, fine, you want to downsize the government because you feel like some jobs are useless? I get it. Sometimes they make jobs for people who they don't want to lose but they don't want to promote. So they give you some sort of job and you just move up your grades that way. Right, that job becomes a permanent job in that fixture, versus, once that person is gone, just getting rid of the job. I get that, but then you need to identify well, why was this position created, then you either need to reassign that person somewhere, or also send all the people to HR and reassign them to positions, get rid of positions, or however you got to do it, and then place them in new positions, or you better give them the the best severance package ever.

Wes:

Yeah, that's what I thought was uh, they like what the early talks? Not that I'm for it, but they were saying, I mean I am kind of for it, but they were. Uh, there were talks like um, they'll have you work the job for a year, or whatever have you like, if it's not really needed, or they give you a severance and they won't. But this just seems like it's just like I don't think we need?

Wes:

yeah, I don't think we need this like the post office. I'm like if y'all made it better than what it is yeah, this, this to me just seems like a mass firing.

DeLaw:

I got to get close to my phone oh, there we go. This just looks like it's a mass firing of people, as if it's a business. Remember when I told you they were firing people when I was at the stockpile, yeah, and they were like, all right, well, four people are going to be fired today, or no, they didn't say that. They told us at the end, four people were fired. It wasn't due to anything they did wrong, just that the company based on blah, blah, blah, we're downsizing. Businesses do that all the time. The government doesn't. That means now you want everybody to come in. You fire everybody to save money, but now you're saving money. Because now you, you fire everybody to save money, but now you're saving money because now you don't have to pay that big salary, but now unemployment has to kick out all that money.

DeLaw:

Also, now, if you're performing like you said, this from your FS50 and all that other stuff that you had going on, now you might start getting wrongful termination suits because it's like, well, I was terminated for what? And the federal government isn't an at-will thing. And then you're going to say I am not performing my job efficiently. When I, just two weeks ago, got that, I was exceptional or whatever the highest thing is. I just got that. But I'm not officially doing my my job. So that's your's your grounds to terminate me. You're better off just saying everyone that's getting terminated gets a severance package instead of putting a bad taste in everybody's mouth and possibly getting lawsuits. That's going to cost the federal government more over the next four to 20 years because they're going to be kicking out that money for a long time. If everybody decides to file a suit, yeah. Also, if they have grounds to file. They don't have grounds, I mean. I guess they worry about, but they really have grounds, like I think they said.

Wes:

The email says something like if you don't respond to this email with what you do by such and such Monday or whatever, then that will be taken as you are resigning they did that on purpose on a Saturday, because it's one of those things where it's one companies do that because it's non confrontational or they just like cut, act like they want to fire you or lay you off. They'll just cut your access over the weekend because they know you're not working and on Monday when you come in you're like what the fuck? And they can either escort you out or remotely tell you. You know we're moving in a different direction, but that shit's scary because it's kind of like yo like on a Saturday and a Sunday you could be like knuckle deep in some pussy deciding if you're going to pull out or leave it in. Decided to leave it in. Now you have a baby coming with no job. That shit's stressful.

DeLaw:

Not only that, what if I'm out of town? What?

Wes:

if I'm out of the country.

DeLaw:

I'm taking my leave. You know I've worked hard. I'm taking my leave because I'm out in St Lucia. You know what I'm saying. I'm out somewhere. And St Lucia, or you know, say I'm out somewhere and I'm looking on the news like what? And I'm out of the country.

Wes:

I don't have access to the rest of the country. Now you're like I ain't buying that extra whatever, whatever, because I might not be able to afford it.

DeLaw:

Because I might not come back until the following Monday. And not come back. Oh, you're not. You didn't send an email, I wasn't here. Yeah Well, you know. I don't even have a federal agency following, so how am I supposed to respond?

Wes:

I'm not even supposed to take that out of the country, because that's what they tell you. You're not supposed to take it out of the country, so it's just kind of like Anything that's with your state agency, we're not supposed to take that anywhere. Listen, I work for the county and they tell us not to leave it in my home, so it to anywhere. I work for the county and they tell us not to leave.

DeLaw:

It's one of those things like wow, is that what we're really doing? You're trying to downsize so badly, but for what? The question is, with these firearms, are we still being efficient?

Wes:

Probably not. I think a lot of this feels like they want to privatize. A lot of this feels like they want to uh uh privatize a lot of things, like they might privatize the post office.

DeLaw:

They might privatize I mean, that's what. That's what it sounds like. It really honestly, it really does sound like if we get rid of these jobs because I only got four more years here when I get back into business for myself, I can, you know, get these things privatized to my friends and get a piece of it when I come out. Like it really just sounds like making the federal government a private industry. Right, it's like, oh well, we're getting rid of, you know, useless jobs. Well, what determines a useless job?

Wes:

And not only that. Sometimes, like, if there's a path forward, to like how, let's just say, we want to move as a country into the what they call the digital age, uh, you might need those people for maybe like a couple years and then terminate. This is, I mean, it would have been, in my opinion, like if I voted for the guy. Uh, I would take we found where we can save money, but it's going to take us two to three years in order for this to effectively move without any hiccups. They're going to stay on for two to three years and that's what I'd be like. Okay, he found the waste. You know what I mean. I'm all for finding the waste. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of like yo if it's going to if of finding a waste. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of like yo if it's gonna if and this is a big if if things are going to be better in the country, which I doubt, because it's never better. You know what I mean. Like then, yes, I'm all for that.

DeLaw:

But honestly, I would have pre this. This is what I, if I was going to do this and I was going to downsize the government, I would. I would have did it on quarter one, which is like October 1st. Okay, all right, first quarter.

DeLaw:

So you announced that, okay, we're going to be evaluating everything to quarter one. So every agency has time to get everything together, follow the papers, and we're going to see what our budget looks like, and then we're going to look at these jobs and then we're going to cut people. But we're not just firing you, just then we're going to look at these jobs and then we're going to cut people. But we're not just firing you just because we're going to fire you. We're going to give you a severance package. And you wait until quarter one, because that's when everybody's new budget comes in, because right now they're technically in quarter two. So people's you know the budgets are set by the time we get to around this year, by June, they're talking about their budget for next year to get that ready. So that's, you need to wait till we got a solidified budget and now we can say, okay, now we're going to lay these people off. Instead of firing them, let's lay them off, we'll give them a severance package so that they can maintain whatever they need to maintain, based on the years.

DeLaw:

It gives you time to calculate all that shit up. So you know you could, you, could, you could. You got ways to do it like all right, if you or how I would prefer to do you got a certain amount of years and age and it adds up to something less than 90, so, let's say it's 80, you can get full retirement if you go ahead and retire on that. You know what I'm saying. So now you lose some of your, you get some of your workforce. That goes all right. I can get full retirement. Now Fuck it, I don't want to do this, motherfucker. And if it's still not enough, then you start making those other cuts. You know you gotta be smart. You know you can't because the way they're doing it is now it's like we're firing you.

Wes:

So now you gotta go get unemployment, which is even less versus the thing is which is wild they definitely gonna have to get unemployment because the way, depending on what they did right, it might be obsolete in the private sector. What they were doing because we all know the government is behind Technology might have already took the damn job. So it's kind of like well, what do I do if I need to work for six years before actual retirement or retirement kick in?

DeLaw:

That's why I said we lowered about 10 years. So let's say someone got 20 years and they only 45, 46, let's say, hey, everybody who has I don't want my retirement at 45. This is how you play that game.

Wes:

Let's just say we go into a recession because of all this shit, if that was to happen the way you're saying it. And then we go into a recession because of all this shit, if that was to happen the way you're saying it, and then we go into a recession. Those people are probably working until they're 70. That's crazy. Who wants to do that?

DeLaw:

That's what I'm saying. Think of it this way it depends on how much you were making you get your retirement. It's probably half of what you were making at your final time. That means, let's say, somebody retires. They say, okay, you got early retirement, you make a 90 grand. You get 45K a year. Now you might want to go back to working something hefty to bring in that type of money, or you could find something that's low paying. They give you the extra 45 and now you're working something that's not so bad and you got your retirement and you just chill and answer on the phone saying hello.

Wes:

Can I help you?

DeLaw:

I'm just looking at it from the point of view like you've got it. You can't just up and just tell people we're going to let you go, oh, if you're in. And then, and where they're cutting is like everybody who's in probation to like three years, all of them being cut, and they're not having discrimination of probation. I mean you could have been with the government 20 years and just been promoted to being a supervisor of motherfuckers. You're in probation, so it's like it's you gotta. There's a way to do it and they're not doing it the right way.

Wes:

They're not doing the morally, ethically right way. You know what I mean. Like things do happen right. Any entity that's hiring you is not obligated, but they're within their rights, uh, downsides, and I mean, they're completely in their rights.

DeLaw:

But you, what you should do is leave it up to the agency to figure out what positions are useful and let let those you put you literally put people ahead. You know, to head these departments, so they need to call all their chiefs and deputy chiefs, or however they have it set up, and have that hard conversation. But look, if you got somebody on your team that you created a position for there's a dead end position because I just didn't want to let them go are dead in position because I just didn't want to let them go, hey, if they got enough years, we're working something out where they can get their retirement and we can get them out. You know what I mean? We don't have to fire people who just got here because, imagine, I just transferred to the feds in July and all this comes around and it's like wow.

Wes:

I'm going to tell you like this uh, this is the the feds would know, as it was one of those, uh, holy grail jobs for me. Uh, like, just because the nature of what I do, I know I can make a lot of fucking money. I think I'm gonna stay clear that's where I'm at now.

DeLaw:

It's like the feds used to be that job that if you got there you don't leave unless someone is offering you double the money. You can start out at the lowest, like getting 33. By the time you're done with your fed time, you'll get your six figures. It might be 20 years time you'll get your six figures. It might be 20 years, but you'll get your six figures and your performance review. You know and that's why I like the Fed's performance review, because it got you more money Right.

DeLaw:

So as long as you had like a top notch one, you were eligible for a grade increase or a step increase. So a lot of times they do steps and then after a certain time they just give you the grade. And it wasn't like in the state where your pen only lets you go to that grade. Like my pen only lets me go to a grade, a specific grade, and I'm in that grade. So let's say my pen, let's say I'm a grade 7, okay, my pen only allows me to be a grade 7, but I can have all the way up to step 30.

DeLaw:

It's not like the feds they don't have that where you get stuck If they put it in like we're going to give you a grade increase. Cool Boom, there's your grade increase. You're going to start at a grade eight, step three, because you were already at step eight and we don't want to take money from you. That's how the Fed works. The state don't work that way. The state's a dick, but right now it seems like it's a safe bet to stay here. You know what I'm saying, but it's crazy. It's crazy, with more cuts to come, like you're talking about and me and my wife were just talking about it, Like we was like well, how do you think this is going to affect the housing market?

Wes:

Because Housing market already. I mean, you know it's already. I don't know what the fuck it is.

DeLaw:

To be honest, From a standpoint of if these people don't find jobs, there's going to be a whole lot of foreclosed homes on that, going to auctions, short sales, everything. You know what I'm saying. We were like it sucks, but do we try to take advantage of that? We try to take advantage of other and I'm like we could, but do we want to? And if we want to, should we? We ain't got but so many years. I think we only got like 60, 70,000 that we can have. We haven't even made it five years.

DeLaw:

I told her. I said man, look, we should do it, let's made it five years. I told her. I said man, look, we should do it, let's do 11 more years, 15 years. That means half of our mortgage is Half of our mortgage supposedly is supposed to be done, supposedly. You're going to see when we get there. But by that point if we get loans, we can refinance if the interest rate is decent and just take that money, put it back in the house, pay the house off and keep it raw, and then we can figure out everything else that we want to do, and if we want to keep this house or we want to start looking for another house, if we want to rent this house out because we're paying taxes on it and if we decide to get another house and we decide to sell this house, we can get another house.

Wes:

Yeah, for all that to make sense for you guys, the interest rate just has to come. The housing price and interest rate have to. Even if the interest rate stays high as fuck, the housing prices have to come down for that to make sense for anybody right now. So that shit ain't got shit to do with the government workers. That has any and everything to do with the companies that build the houses and hold the that's holding the property to figure out what the fuck they gonna do, because if new houses are going for cheaper than old houses, then old houses have no point, no, have no. You know what I mean have no choice but to lower their fucking.

DeLaw:

So I mean because I was just looking at it from a standpoint of if we can get this house paid off and because someone else was like, well, yeah, it was like it it makes sense, like after 16 years of being in the house, if you refinance and then stick Mike, go back into the house and pay it off, I said, well, it makes sense if the interest rate isn't higher than like a five or six, it makes sense then. I mean, even though we should only have you know in my head, after 15 years we should only have maybe $150,000, $125,000 left on the house. But when we refinance it will be that from what they were telling us, it will be that plus whatever the house is worth. So they have to appraise the house anyway, have to appraise the house anyway. So whenever we get back, we might even get back more than what we paid and then just throw it back in whatever is left, keep that for a down payment somewhere else and then if we decide to move somewhere else and live there and we don't feel like market sell it, we take whatever $300,000, whatever. You know what I'm saying. Money comes with that stuff.

DeLaw:

So whatever our home is like at that point, we can now make it into our dream home of, let's say, we got a split level with no deck. Oh, let's get a deck. Let's get a new kitchen, let's do this, let's do that. Whatever's left. You know what you want to just get some new cars. Let's get new cars and go get rid of. You know, keep these for like regular use and then let's get these. You know something like you. You know, but that's yeah in my, yeah, I've been in.

Wes:

Um, my whole thought process has changed with that uh, lately, because I got money in the stock market. I got, uh, a little different things going on. So right now, um, I first was trying to see if I can rent the house. So I don't think I'm going that route anymore. Uh, not right away, at least. Uh, so right now it's more or less like uh, like, like you're saying, like, how do I pay this house off? So, um, it's going to be, or how do I get closer to, like you know where the shit don't matter. Like I might got like five years and still got a lot of earning potential.

Wes:

A lot of you know that's just saying I'm 45 and I got five years left on the house. That's, that's pretty good. So I'm trying to get to figure out it, not figure out. I'm trying to get to that point because, like you said, when, if and when the time comes, I want to be able to move the way I want to move. And then I think about, like yo, when me and my wife retire, we might not even want to stay in maryland. Like I don't. I don't know what that, I don't know what that looks like for me. I can't. I can't tell you what that looks like in 30 years, but I want the flexibility to be able to. Like the house is paid off or I got five years left to man. My camera went out again. I got five years of that. What, uh? What had to?

DeLaw:

happen. So that's where I'm at. It's like, you know, I still. You know, by the time that you know, 15 years on, this house was I'll still be working. My wife was still working. So I'm looking at it from the standpoint of if we can pay this house off.

DeLaw:

You know, however, we gotta do, because I mean, like someone told me it was like hey, if you refinance, they're going to appra Cause.

DeLaw:

I mean, like like someone told me it was like hey, if you refinance, they're going to appraise it and blah, blah, blah, you still got paid a down, closing costs, whatever, but you can take that out, whatever's there, and then it might all just pay itself off. You might have some money left on the back end. Keep that money, money so that you can pay off other shit, so that when you're like, alright, retire this house, call your realtor, you know, and start looking for houses, and then they start saying, oh well, you know, you have $300,000, $400,000 you can use whatever, cool, fine, whatever. And then we do that, get another house, and then we can sell this house, sell this house and then, whatever money we get, either we can remodel our house, take half of it, pay down part of it, take all of it, put it on to our new house, refinance again to change the payments, get whatever money's coming out of it. There's ways to make that money work.

DeLaw:

Yeah most of them. There's ways to make that money work, but the first thing is getting this house paid off, and if we can do that, the skies will be big, you know.

Wes:

Yeah, that's my main thing, because it seems like this economy is in for a whirlwind they're talking about with all this stuff. It probably will somewhat trigger a recession and I'm like, well, shit, the, the way we got stuff set up and the way you know, the way everything is, it's it's best for us to uh, kind of stay here yeah, because that's what I was saying to my wife.

DeLaw:

I said it's better for us to stay here right now, but we don't know what's about to happen. We don't know how these interest rates are going to change. We don't know what's about to happen. We don't know how these interest rates are going to change. We don't know nothing. So our best bet is to ride out this Trump time.

Wes:

And see what happens after the Trump time.

DeLaw:

You know, at that point we'll be at eight years in this house, because we got in this house when Biden first got in. So we'll be eight years at this house right now and then, at that point, what's? Another four to eight years in this house, yeah, you know what I'm saying what's?

DeLaw:

another four to eight years, and by that time, whatever we decide to do to try to pay some of this stuff down, that'll be paid off. We should be paid off Done with the timeshares. You know what I'm saying as far as those paid off, so we start being able to save money. At that point, credit cards might not be paid off, but they should be coming down, depending on how we're doing it, and we should be able to move how we want to move. Now you might have to get in between all this time. You might have to get new cars and shit like that, but you cross that bridge when you get there.

Wes:

Right.

DeLaw:

But never mind, I need to call Discover and see if they got any promos for some 0% interest. Part of me thinks I should have took it last time, but I didn't. I went the lower APR score. I went from a 28.9 to an 18.9, so I'm 10 points down. I took it because I didn't have as much debt as I have now on that credit card. Now I'm at the point where every time I pay it, even when it put the interest on it, goes back in a negative. So now I'm like man, I need that 0% interest yeah.

Wes:

The only time 0% interest really is in your favor is if you're able like you know you about to pay this bitch off. So you let you know, you transfer the credit and then you, whatever it's going to be from that point, you but like if you like, and I only pay like if you want, if you know you're going to pay more than the minimum is what I meant to say. But if you just paying, you know that shit.

DeLaw:

Go pay the minimum you just pay the minimum, then it's going to be zero percent interest. Yeah, but I don't think well right now because how high it is, I have to pay just just a minimum. So for me I'm like, if I do, 0% interest and I can start chipping away at it without that interest kicking back on.

Wes:

You better make sure you pay it off within that time frame.

DeLaw:

Look, that's a lot of money. I'm just trying to get it down a reasonable amount so that when that 18.9 kicks back and after that 12 months, then my payments start at $600. They will be like $400. You know what I'm saying. And then, like you know, every six months you can ask the scumbag what promos you have and they'll say, oh, we have this problem. And if they keep saying we got a zero percent interest, then we don't want to do, yeah, true interest until I get it down to where you know it's manageable. Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Wes:

Yeah, I got um, I got a question for you. Do you think when you get married as a man, the art of the art of quote, unquote, macking or having game is diminished, or you think we should always be practicing that towards our wives of course diminished, or you?

DeLaw:

think we should always be practicing that towards our wives. Of course, I don't think it ever gets a minute.

Wes:

I think, uh, from what I can see, that's what they still expect the macking some of that back in his new line, though back in the day they, they still want you to act like they, as you talk about they can, so they still want you to be able to do it.

DeLaw:

They just don't want you to do it, nowhere else.

Wes:

No, understandable, I'm not saying that, I ain't saying that.

DeLaw:

Because it's been told to my wife, even though we gonna do it like like you ain't even smooth about it, I'm just looking at her like maybe we're married.

Wes:

Yeah, well, that's the approach.

DeLaw:

I be taking.

Wes:

I'm like, well, I gotta be smooth, like I just try to get somewhere. You're brushing your teeth and you let me Like that ain't nothing smooth about that.

DeLaw:

See, that's the spontaneousness of it.

Wes:

Still, I ain't come to her and say, girl, put that toothbrush down. I know your breath already smelling good and you know I ain't come to her like that was some stupid shit and then wipe the toothpaste off the side of her mouth and then you know what I mean.

DeLaw:

I ain't do that, I'm just saying I think it's tough because women and men have two different ideas of how things are supposed to go. Of course, women enjoy being chased, regardless of whether they're married or not. Once they're married, even though they're like, oh OK, I'm settling down, but really they like, they want to still be chased and look like they feel like they're being desired. And guys, you know, once we did all the chasing and everything else we're trying to provide and and just not be stressed out, and just you know it's two different, two different ways of how the relationship goes. So what about?

Wes:

the, uh, the mind fucking part of the, the back end, and so what about the mind-fucking part of the back end of the game and stuff like that? You know, like sometimes women be like not, I imagine I've heard I've been in the conversation, outside of the conversation like, oh, you know, sometimes when I want him to do this or this, this, and that I just do this, this and this, so as when we were dating, right, men dating, we know what that is, you know what I mean. Like that's kind of like part of our game, our mac and shit like that. So the mind fucking part. You think enough of us still do that with our, our wife, or just like yo, it's gonna be what it's gonna be, or'm going to just say it and you know what I mean. She need to take it for what it is.

Wes:

Hey, I ain't saying get yourself in trouble, I'm just saying do you think the majority of? Because I know what I do. I kind of flip-flop, but when I flip-flop it's never from my, when I flip-flop to the Mac and shit, it's never for my benefit, the shit that. This is what fucks me up, the stuff for my benefit. I just be straight forward with it or whatever? Have you not caring how I come out and I either get what I want or I don't?

Wes:

See, I don't know if I do need that it's kind of like trying to trick your wife into eating vegetables. Sometimes that's how it is over here is just like yo. This is why you should be doing this. You want your butt to look a little, you know. I mean like that type of thing, not necessarily that, but you get what I mean. Like I'm always turning that charm on to benefit her and it ain't really never benefiting me because I I don't. You know what I mean. Like I'm doing this because I know this is the way that she'll receive it and I fail to do it in the way with stuff that I need and want so she can receive it. Do you find yourself doing that?

Wes:

No, do you turn the charm on for the stuff that you need to or want.

DeLaw:

For the stuff I need and want. Yeah, of course.

Wes:

I'm fucking up then. I'm fucking up then.

DeLaw:

I mean because, think about it, Think from this perspective when does anyone turn on the when we were dating, unless they try and get some?

Wes:

So I ain't talking about for trying to get some that's, that's, that's one of the things, right.

DeLaw:

But I'm I'm just saying in general. So think about it. Yeah, let's say, your wife in the mood, right, yep, right. So she come down in her. You know, you know when she in the mood, because she don't come down in her full PJs, she come down in the mood. She come down in her jeans with the little shorts on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit. She doing exactly what she did when we were dating to make sure she got hers to satisfy you, along with on the other side of it. It'd be like man, I'm trying to get his head you start. Hey, well, you know what you doing, baby. Let's, let's, let me kiss you real quick. Let me rub a point get getting her a nice and tingly. You know what I'm saying. Use it when you, use it for when you want to use it when you, when you don't need to be used. A lot of times people just be like all right, I guess they don't need to be used.

Wes:

A lot of times it was like, all right, I guess they don't need to be used like that on my side, because, like, I still get the same, because you could do all the the sweet shit and she'd still be like, and I got some stupid shit, like I got a headache, quote, unquote. You know what I mean? Well, not tonight. You know what I mean? No, that don't happen.

DeLaw:

Hey, I'm fucking up, yeah my wife ain't never said she had a headache or no shit.

Wes:

That's usually my dumb ass like yo, because I like let's just say I'm six years, she'll still want the shit. I'm like yo, I can't breathe. She was like you're all right, I'm like I'm all right, I can't breathe out my nose. So the reverse would have come of shit like that.

DeLaw:

Why you ain't never said nah, you gonna be a mouth breather that day, right.

Wes:

Outside of the other shit. She's definitely said no to a bunch of shit and I'm just like, god damn, maybe if I would've, I should've came with the sweet, sincere shit first or the mind-fucking shit first, and maybe I would've got what I wanted.

DeLaw:

You know your wife better than anybody. Yeah, of course, at first, and maybe I wouldn't get what I wanted. You know your wife better than anybody. Even though my wife might not ever say it, when she comes down in certain pajamas, I know what time it is. I put these on because they're comfortable. Sure you did. Sure you did Okay. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do Now. I want to see if you got a little. Sure you did. Sure, you did Okay. So it's the. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do Now. I want to see if you got a little bit of game to get these off of me.

Wes:

Yeah, it's just like that.

DeLaw:

It's a green light, don't fuck it up.

Wes:

You know what I'm saying. Okay, so the sex part is I ain't gonna say it's easy, that's our wives. Yes, I'm going to say it's easy, it's our wives, it's easy. I know what I need to do. Like, how do I? How do I? Uh, like yo, I want to go out and but I've been going out, like for the last couple of days. I've been out three times this week and I didn't spend no time with her. But I really need to go out to this particular thing, cause it's going to be better than the last three. So you're wrong, so you just tell her, and sometimes there's a way where you can just tell her with finesse and there's no, there's no problems. When you get back home, you know what I mean, because if she had a problem, she has a problem. The problem is going to go away because you just told her well, my wife would tell me if she got a problem.

DeLaw:

And then you end up not leaving, so it doesn't benefit you well exactly if she got a problem with me, like, let's say, like next week is a tank fight, right? Yeah so if she's like well, look, you ain't spent no time with me and I need that time you want to tell your fresh dude that motherfucking better? Uh, you ain't coming like.

Wes:

That's just what it is, and it's like you got me on that one yeah, or you do what I will look what we talked about before and you just pay into the bucket way before before time yeah, I mean, but for me I'm a, I'm a, I'm a very predictable person.

DeLaw:

So my wife knows that my niggas are three days, so three days, so three days.

Wes:

You pants in a bucket three days before she will be like. This motherfucker want to do something that I'm probably going to say no to.

DeLaw:

She'll be like it's Saturday If he's not home by 1.30,. He went to crazy crap and it's like all right, you know, if it's football season, she knows that the skims play. I might be like, hey, I'm going around the corner, so it's one of those things. I don't deviate from the play or from what I do because of the fact that I'm just a person that does the same thing over and over. So like, let's say, next week I might come in at 3 o'clock because I went to Crazy Crab. In her head she's like he's at Crazy Crab, so I already know where he is. He's probably there with the boys making bets, whatever, whatever. And then I might say, hey, babe, you know, still invited us over for the fight, you mind, if I go Now, it becomes the well, you ain't been home all day, or that's the day of, or it might be like oh fine, you know, that's fine, because that means you're gone, my son's gone.

DeLaw:

I can have the house to myself, so it might be one of those.

DeLaw:

But if I tell her ahead of time and put it in her ear like, hey, you know the fight's that night it's over, you want to go? Nah, would you be mad if I don't go? I'm not going to be mad if I don't go, I'm not going to be mad if you don't go. You don't want to go, you don't want to go. It's one of those things where, as long as you're being honest and you're saying it up front, days in advance, it shouldn't be a problem, unless you fuck up between as days come up.

Wes:

So listen to this I'm glad that you said being honest enough. This lady wants to know if she is wrong for refusing her husband's request to sleep with someone else to ease his fears of me cheating.

DeLaw:

First it took a left and then it took a hard left. This is a bitch. She wants to know if she's wrong. It took a left and then it took a hard left. So she so let me put this in nigga terms she mad because no, no, she not mad, she is mad. She's mad and she wants to deny his request to cheat after she cheated.

Wes:

No, no, no, no. She ain't cheat, so she didn't cheat. No, she is refusing her husband's request to sleep with someone to ease his fears, his insecurities, of me, of her cheating. How does that work? Let's listen. So my husband 55, she's 43. They've been married for a long time. She said she loves him deeply and over the years he struggled with erectile dysfunction Yep, don't choke and it's clearly taken a toll on his confidence and self-esteem. Recently he opened up about having this irrational fear that I'll cheat on him one day because he feels like he can't make me happy Because he's still in love with her, yeah.

Wes:

Despite my constant assurance that I love him and would never betray him, he seems to be unable to shake this fear. A few days later, he proposed something that completely threw me off. He asked me to sleep with someone with his consent. What he asked me to sleep with someone with his consent so he could control the situation. It eased his anxiety about me cheating. He planned a surprise trip for us last week, which I thought was really sweet. During the trip, he arranged for a masseur to come up to our room without telling me beforehand, saying it was meant to be a relaxing surprise for me.

Wes:

The masseur came that evening and my husband was in the room watching while the massage started. At first it seemed fine, but then the masseur started giving me an intimate massage that felt very inappropriate. His fingers was right between her cooch. He crossed a clear boundary. I immediately stood. I I immediately stopped him and told him I was uncomfortable. My husband seemed completely okay with the whole situation and brushed it off as as brushed it off as part of the experience. It left me feeling confused and upset, especially now that I think back on it in the context of this recent request for me to sleep with someone. I told him I wasn't comfortable with any of this. I feel like he is pushing me into situations that make me question the motives and our relationship. He says this is his way of addressing his fears and making me happy, but it feels wrong to me. I want to help him, but I also like these actions. I also feel like these actions are crossing serious boundaries I'm not willing to break.

DeLaw:

Well, here's the first issue. If you suffer from erectileile dysfunction, you need to get out there and start working out. Okay, that's the first thing. He might be diabetic, but that's the first thing. Like, that is a, that is a logical.

DeLaw:

Uh, piece of advice, yes you know, like if I got to that age and my wife is still active and wants to be sexually active and I can't because I haven't taken care of myself, that I need to change something so that I can. You know, that's why I go walking, that's why I exercise all the other stuff. You know what I'm saying. That's why I do that, so that by the time it comes for them to say, look, I know you've been healthy, you've been doing this, but nigga, you're going to have to take the blue pill At least, I kind of yeah, yeah.

Wes:

You did what you had to do. You did what you needed to do. I did what I needed to do.

DeLaw:

So that's the first thing, and I don't know his situation of. I agree with all of that Very logical. Now the second part is even if that happened and I struggle with and I gotta take those pills, ain't no way I'm like, babe, I want you to go let another dude fuck you, because what if, what if? And you know, even though she was uncomfortable, what if? She's like okay, cool, whatever, fuck it. So who you want me to fuck because you can't get it up? Okay, cool, you know you're treading across a very, very thin ice because whatever you might be cool with, let's say, the dude wasn't that good. But what? That dude took it a pound town and she oh my gosh, shit, I fucking love you.

Wes:

You still gonna be just sitting in the corner just looking like okay so some type of way yeah, me and you will feel some type of way, very, very logical. But here's the part what I think she's missing that dude has erectile dysfunction because maybe he likes to be the cuck and he's never been the cuck, so he can't get it up and he can't do anything unless that happens. That's why he was poor.

Wes:

He probably know, but yeah, he probably. Maybe he likes that or he developed the fact that I have to watch my wife get plowed, or someone I know, in order to get hard. I don't even think he even wants to cheat, I don't. I think he doesn't know that he's a cuck and she don't know that he's a cuck and he might like cucking behavior. So all that shit not all the shit all the stuff, what you were saying very solid advice. But I don't even think that's the advice to give in this situation, because I'd be damned if I told him a suit show, go ahead and play with my wife. Why are you massaging her? I'm not doing that. So the fact that he's willing to force that while he watched, that's more than the insecurity to me. I feel like dude is a cuck and he's trying to put that into their relationship. So my advice to you as a woman ask him if he like cuck shit, and if you don't like it, then y'all need to get divorced because y'all probably not going to have sex no time soon.

DeLaw:

I can guarantee you, if that was the situation between me and my wife and I at UD, she'll look at me like I'm not about to fuck. No other dude, get your shit together or use your mouth yeah, that was not.

Wes:

It use your mouth, that always gets me off. I got you, he's like hey.

DeLaw:

I forgot about that part.

Wes:

He don't want that, obviously. You know what.

DeLaw:

I mean? Well, the story is a man is 55, the girl is 43, and he has Edie and he's telling his wife that he wants to arrange her to have sex with somebody else so that his fears of her cheating can be alleviated out of his head. She doesn't feel comfortable with it, Right, and he set up this thing with a masseuse to massage her and he started playing with her for clitoris. She got uncomfortable and she wants advice on what can she do. That's what I said. If that was the case, my wife would just tell me you better get your shit together. I ain't fucking know what I would do there you go.

Wes:

He enjoys the cucking. That's all that is.

DeLaw:

It does look like, because he's at 55, getting closer to 60, that he probably either he watched a lot of porn back in the day or he just wants to see her get plowed and possibly plowed. Is it plowed, Plowed?

Wes:

yeah.

DeLaw:

I'm not using those words. You know what I'm saying. That sounds like some white porn.

Wes:

Some white porn Plowed.

DeLaw:

yeah, he might want to see her have intercourse with somebody else like in porn and it might get him hard to do it.

Wes:

So we don't know if he takes any viagra, cialis, any of that, because even you don't tell your wife like yo, I need you to go cheat on me so I can feel comfortable.

DeLaw:

Cheat on me in front of me, so I can feel comfortable that you're fucking somebody else. That's very awkward that to me sounds like a setup. See, she said, it sounds like a setup. I was thinking the same thing. It sounds like a setup.

Wes:

It sounds like a setup. I just thought he was a cuck.

DeLaw:

When you told the story I kind of thought it was like a setup If she says oh, sure, yeah, and then she goes in there and fucks the masseuse.

Wes:

But she said no and then he bought the masseuse up there anyway.

DeLaw:

He's still testing her to see her loyalty.

Wes:

I don't know. Listen, I don't ever want to put myself in a situation where the loyalty gets tested. I'm fucking wrong. And now I'm sitting there like damn, she's got that motherfucking finger on her. I don't want to be in that situation either.

DeLaw:

Sure, yeah, I had to get Mrs Smith a kiss. You know I get a lot of working out and blood work. I think I look close to some of them. Yeah, I love, yeah, hey look, that's her fault for marrying somebody 12 years older than her.

Wes:

Yeah, that's, and I marrying somebody 12 years older than her.

DeLaw:

Yeah, that's that's. And I get it. They probably been married for like 20 years. Got him when he was young, blah, blah, blah. But if they're not keeping themselves up, you know.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

Also it could be.

Wes:

That is one of the 55, I honestly feel like that's too young for that to be happening me personally, but that's why, Listen, I try to.

DeLaw:

I try to work out.

Wes:

I try to walk, I try to drink right, eat right. I try to do all those things because I know how enjoyable sex is.

DeLaw:

Today's my last day drinking liquor.

Wes:

Shut up, man. You said that with a straight face of your wife. I don't believe you. Today's my last day drinking liquor.

DeLaw:

I'm going to drink a lot more water, I'm going to exercise more and that way as I get older, and then I'm thinking, because by the time that any of that could be happening, we'll be moved. I have a gym in the house, I can work out, get you know, get that and keep that blood flow going strong. Where I don't need it, or if it's that I do need it, it could be very low dose. You know, I'm saying like I'm trying everything to make sure that yeah, no, no I get it.

Wes:

We got to try everything that we can try non-medically before we even results of that big proponent and fan of that. But, shorty, you need to ask some more questions and don't be surprised if it's like yo what if he and this is just throwing something at the ball?

DeLaw:

what if he's cheating and he's just throwing something at the wall? What if he's cheating and he's just not attracted to?

Wes:

his wife anymore? Yo, because he's probably. That probably happened. But as a man, even if you're not attracted to your wife anymore, hypothetically, why you gonna sit there and tell them to get her into me? She wants that, I'm gonna pay you. I'm pretty sure you paid homie a little bit more money to do that, so it's kind of like none of that shit makes sense.

DeLaw:

To ease his guilt.

Wes:

If I'm cheating, that's the last thing I care about or want to see.

DeLaw:

We can't understand that inner workings of white folks I'm assuming people are- white, I'm just saying you can't understand inner workings of white folks. I'm assuming people are white. I'm just saying you can't understand inner workings of white folks, because I'm not saying that a black woman wouldn't have felt uncomfortable, but they might have. When the women found out, they might have jumped at that opportunity. Oh, I got it. Isn't they going to want to fuck another dick?

Wes:

I'm just saying I'm just saying On that note can't understand the inner workings of white people. Word from D-Law.

DeLaw:

Word from D-Law. What can I say? I can't understand how the work is up, because it really could be. Let me just ease my mind. If I get it, let her go ahead and do it and then, once she did it, okay. So this was going on. I've been sleeping with Gloria across the hall, and you know it could have been anything.

Wes:

Yo, shout out to Gloria, we'll see you next time. Shout out to Gloria, we'll see you next time.

DeLaw:

Shout out to Gloria.