According To Wes
Finding the humor in everyday life and trying to understand what that means to me Join me on this never ending journey of self improvement and reflection with the help of friends.
According To Wes
The Power and Illusion of Control
We explore the complex balance between personal autonomy and partnership in marriage, examining how control, boundaries, and mutual respect shape our daily happiness.
• Keeping certain purchases private from your spouse can sometimes maintain peace
• Late-night conversations when you're tired often lead to saying things you'll regret
• The concept of "provider" means different things in different relationships
• Step-parenting creates unique challenges when authority is undermined
• Men and women may approach unconditional love differently
• Setting boundaries with family members, including handling unexpected visits
• Finding happiness requires accepting which aspects of life you can and cannot control
If you want to control what you can to be happy and successful, focus on setting healthy boundaries while respecting your relationships. Remember that happiness comes from within but thrives with mutual respect.
Everybody. Welcome to another episode of the According to Wes podcast, where we have the power to control our own lives, to determine our own happiness and success, which is why I don't mention my hobby purchases to my wife. As always, that sounds positive. I'm like, wait a minute, this sounds really really positive. That ain't positive, it's toxic. As always, we got D really really positive. It's not positive, it's toxic. As always, we got D-Law. And I'll tell you why it's toxic.
DeLaw:Yeah, you're going to have to tell me why it's toxic, because that sounded very positive. Except for that, you don't tell your wife of your business. I have the power to control.
Wes:We have the power to control our own lives. We determine our happiness and success. We have the power to control our own lives. We determine our happiness and success. Why do you think that correlates with telling my wife what I purchased and how much I spent?
DeLaw:Because you purchased it on your own with your money. Why the fuck it matter All?
Wes:right, we have D-Law. I'll explain.
DeLaw:You have D-Law, possibly getting worked in 2K. No, you're getting worked, I'm getting worked in 2k. No, you're getting worked, I'm getting worked. You put up 31 on me and we the last minute of the fourth quarter. He put up 31 on 7 threes and you got me.
Wes:Wes currently not getting worked, but getting worked he doesn't want to be Tim Duncan and David Robinson with me. You have you. If you are available, and I am, you have my word. I will play later on today.
DeLaw:All right, I'm gonna hold you to me like Wes.
Wes:It's as long as you ain't telling me like all right, it's 10 o'clock, like let's play you already know I can't get on there on 10 o'clock.
Wes:You got me worse. I ain't even gonna introduce myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time is it? Like around 4 or 5. Let's see I can do 4 or 5. But here's the reason why that shit is toxic in my particular situation. Here's the reason why that shit is toxic in my particular situation.
Wes:My wife has more bills than me. Sometimes she was like damn, I wish I can get this, this, this and this. I don't want to show her that I she knows I got it, got it. But I don't want to show her that I got it, got it, that I could just buy whatever the fuck I want at any time, that I want to buy, I got it. But I don't want to show her that I got it, got it, that I can just buy whatever the fuck I want at any time, that I want to buy and maintain the bills, because you know what that's going to turn into. I like nice things. You don't ever help me out in this, this, this and that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't even want to have that conversation. So, nah, so nah, I don't sell it. I think I'm gonna tell her I just spent $600 on something. No, I wouldn't.
Wes:I told my wife because I had just paid the mortgage and paid for some groceries and shit, and she was about to ask you. I was like, look, we ain't doing a lot, we ain't doing nothing expensive. That's when I had told you we was out and about yesterday. I was like we ain't doing nothing expensive. That's when I had told you that we was out in the ball yesterday. I was like we ain't doing nothing expensive, I just paid in the mortgage. I just uh, wasn't real sweet for real for a week down. But we out. She was like okay, she ain't had nothing to say. I'm like what could you say? Paid them, I paid the mortgage. I was like i't going to say what, I say, go.
DeLaw:But I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.
Wes:And in that instance, whatever you say is good.
DeLaw:Own up to it. Whatever you say is good.
Wes:I'm saying in that particular situation that's like a guy, you sure about that. Some people will be like, yeah, you paid that, but I want this, and it's just like, well, shit, I don't know how that's going to work.
DeLaw:And I wouldn't have held back, but I also would have said it under my breath, where she couldn't hear it either. You know what I'm saying, like yeah.
Wes:But no, here's the thing Even if it's unwritten, not unwritten, Even if it's unwritten, not unwritten, but even if it's a secret quiet that's kept or like it don't need to be said, I ain't gonna never say that shit to my wife because at that point she won't feel like I don't respect her. I don't want to have that conversation either.
DeLaw:Well, you know, sometimes you gotta have the hard combos, no.
Wes:She knows what it is. I know what it is. Yeah, she knows what it is, I know what it is. Yeah, you said you thought I had a hard combo. Why would I shake the table?
DeLaw:you ain't playing that game with her, yeah alright, you don't understand.
Wes:You do understand. I understand. I was trying to get you to say you ain't had, okay. Do you like having those conversations at 2 o'clock in the morning when you sleep? No, okay. So my wife is notorious for mine too. Do you like having those conversations at 2 o'clock in the morning when you're sleeping? No, okay.
DeLaw:My wife is notorious for Mine too she can't sleep.
Wes:I find it funny now. I'm just like yo, I'm asleep, man, I can't do this. I find it funny now.
DeLaw:Before some in the morning, I barely cracked open one eye and I couldn't sleep because this is my mom. I get it. Yeah, I get it. I don't want to do that. I haven't had those conversations me either.
Wes:I feel better the crazy thing about those conversations for me. I can't defend myself the right way because I'm sleepy. So in my head I'm like, alright, that's like a what do you call it? A circuit breakers go off in my head. I'm like, alright, that's like a what do you call it? A circle breakers go off in my brain like yo, she might be trying to trick bag you. You are sleepy, don't say shit and let's just say can we do this in the morning? Because you're going to say something out of sleepiness and you might say something out of anger because she's keeping you up or she woke you up. Just push this shit off so you can go to bed.
DeLaw:What's it? Say that anything you don't say or anything you say won't make a man you could do like bed. Can we talk about this later? It could make it.
Wes:No, I get that, but it's two o'clock in the morning.
DeLaw:It ain't two o'clock in the morning. Yeah, it is seven. Am am the afternoon because they still up. Therefore they're. You need to listen to what they're saying, regardless of what you gotta do the next day.
Wes:I remember one time I was just uh, wow, a long time back that uh, one of my uh ex-girlfriends I was in shit, like that, I'm sleeping in shit and she tried to bring up something that happened like months ago, but at like three o'clock in the morning and in my head I'm like this is a trick. You don't even remember what lie you told her. So so tomorrow morning, tomorrow morning, I'm just like geez, louise, man, nah, we all been there. Like sometimes it's not even like a a major lie that you done told her.
Wes:It's just like yo now I got that woman was clingy, so it was times that I was lying to her about certain things because she would get mad that I didn't spend the time with her, or she was like you don't ever spend time with this, this and that. So it's kind of like, nah, I'm not going to lie, like, yeah, I went to go help my mom do something, but for real, for real, I sat in front of my mom's house and we was eating Lito's pizza and fucking and drinking beer. So I'm not going to go say that you kind of dig what I'm saying. You can't say that.
DeLaw:No, I cannot say that Look, your time and money are the same thing to them. Their time and their money is their money, and your money is our money.
Wes:Yeah, it's like stupid shit like that, so it's just like I'm not doing it.
DeLaw:I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
Wes:You know, I was talking to somebody yesterday. I bought some wine and she didn't like the wine and shit. She was like I'm going to just put some lemonade in it. I said what, what the fuck are you doing?
DeLaw:I said put vodka in it.
Wes:I said anything. Put vodka in it, don't put lemon in it don't put no wine in it, put more.
DeLaw:Put more liquor in it yeah, that was look, just cause you didn't get a fruity wine doesn't mean that you can't get drunk. It's the sourest fruit lemon, of course, yeah man that you can't get drunk.
Wes:It's the sourest fruit Lemon.
DeLaw:Of course.
Wes:Yeah, man, sometimes you gotta lie. I said sometimes you gotta lie.
DeLaw:Shit, I ain't lying about nothing, no more.
Wes:That was a lie, we all know. Wait till you hear me. Sometimes you gotta lie. What can you do? Yeah yo, what are some? What are some aspects of your life that you feel like you have control over and will always have control over, to ensure your happiness and success?
DeLaw:Since I got married nothing.
Wes:Damn. That was not what I thought you was going to say. You don't have control over nothing in your life. I got control over nothing your personal life, your law's life.
DeLaw:I thought I had control over playing video games. You don't want that goddamn video game. Why don't you fuck it?
Wes:Are you?
DeLaw:recording today. Here you go. You ain't got no time for me, nigga. I ain't got no control over nothing, no more. I'm literally a fly on my own house. I'm a fly on the wall of my own house.
Wes:I think you're looking at this surface level. Of course I am Outside of you not having control in your house. What do you have control over in your life? In my life, I guess?
DeLaw:everybody tells me what to do.
Wes:What do you know, what the law is?
DeLaw:My car tells me it needs maintenance and gas. I don't have no control over nothing. I'll just be responding to shit like, well, damn nigga, you need gas, Fuck. All right, let's take it to the gas station.
Wes:So if you have control over nothing, are you truly happy.
DeLaw:I feel like that's a trick question.
Wes:It's just, I'm asking you a question. There's no gotcha.
DeLaw:It's all in how it makes you feel I have no you a question, there's no gotcha. It's only how it makes you feel I have no control over anything. And as long as I don't feel like I don't have control over anything, I guess I'm happy.
Wes:What? Okay, I guess what I'm hearing you say is you definitively feel like you have no control over anything, but you know you don't. And you have come to over anything, but you know you don't and you have come to terms with that, so you're happy about it Like it ain't like. It ain't a grand mystery it ain't a grand mystery at all.
DeLaw:Now, now, when I, now, when I say this, now, I know there's some things I do have control over. That's what.
DeLaw:I just speak of conversation. You know I'm saying as an aspect of how normally someone would see it is. You know I get up, I gotta go to work. The policy says I gotta shower and you know everything else. So that means there's things. Even though I control how I shower, it's still required of me to shower to go to work and I got things I gotta do at work.
DeLaw:Then if I didn't have to tutor after I got off work, then there's the. I could go out. But then I still had to be home at a certain time, because then I don't want my wife to be bothered by. So eventually I still have to come home. I can't just stay out all night and come home at 2 am after having a good old time. And when I get home, you know I got tutored. So now I'm obligated to the parents that pay me money to do the tutoring and the kids ask me questions and then it's hit or miss whether or not we're going to cook dinner. So it might be well, babe, what's for dinner? I don't know. I thought you were cooking. How the hell am I going to be cooking? You was home. So now it turns into. Well, now I got to figure out what we're going to eat. So now we have to eat.
DeLaw:So I'm not necessarily I'll say about 90 percent of the time I'm not in control of my own day. Everything is who what to do to me, until I get on video games and that's a 10 percent of my life where, even on a video game, you't gonna hear it tells me what to do. Because I played basketball for so long, I know my role and I played my role. So now I'm still being told mentally from past experiences what to do. Hence why I was sitting there listening to the dudes who complained that my guy put up 33 and in my head I'm like he could have put up less if y'all covered your guys.
DeLaw:You know it's, it's it turns into. Am I really the master of my own destiny? Not really, and the only thing I can control is applying to jobs, is, from my perspective, applying to jobs, and then once I get to the interview, that's no longer in my control, because they might just not like me because I'm black. You know my resume don't sound like oh well, you know. Oh, this is going to be a white guy. He got such credentials. You see, a young black nigga is like well damn, I thought this had been a white motherfucker. Let's see what this nigga got to say. You know what I'm saying.
Wes:Yeah.
DeLaw:Just to you know, just just to just for the conversation I got you. But do I personally think you can do whatever you want to do and have and you can control what you want to control? Yes, you can, but you also got to be willing to deal with those consequences that come with it. I'm so happy to to take the road that the consequences are a whole lot easier to deal with, like staying married, keeping the job, you know, not losing clients. I choose the consequences that will benefit me versus doing what I want to do and possibly not be married, lose my job, lose clients. You know what I'm saying, so I've used, I use my best judgment. In that case, if that helps out with filtering out where you were going with, this.
Wes:Nope, I'm saying I did, I get what you're saying, even with me. It's like yo, knowing what you can't control gives you perspective on what you can't control. It's kind of like yo yo, everybody's in their own, everybody's in the game of life, but everybody's a different. You know a different player, or different character, if you will. Yeah, different attributes and shit like that. So, um, outside of that and learning how to maneuver in between that, um, you know, controlling your life becomes a lot easier. Like, we know what comes with, uh, being black. We know what comes with being men. So it was like there's going to be those things of being black and being a man, certain things you ain't going to be able to control. But it's some things you can't control, like crashing out, yeah, like I was saying. Like getting in random fucking fights. You know how we was just talking about. Like me, some dude stepped up to me at the gym over something, over a barbell or stupid shit like that. So I was like hell yeah that doesn't make any sense to me.
Wes:There has to be some type of control in your life in order for you to be happy. Because let's just say that, for instance, you'll always be crashing out, you might always be losing jobs, you might always be losing loved ones because you can't control your goddamn self. But that's how I see, that's what I get from that, like yo having the power to control your own life, like you do, within the constructs of the rules, and you know laws of nature and all that other good stuff.
Wes:So, but um, yeah yeah, like I was saying earlier, that's why I don't. Um, it's not wise. If I want to be happy, I don't tell my wife about the purchases, she'll be like yo, we could put money over here and I don't want to be happy. I don't tell my wife about the purchases, she'll be like yo, we can put money over there and I don't want to put money over there.
DeLaw:I tell my wife I want to purchase this. This is what I brought. Babe, Why'd you buy that? Because I wanted to. No, what's the issue with you buying that? Nope? Well, you know we could have did that. That ain't my problem.
Wes:Me having that. Like I said before me, having that conversation doesn't make me happy. So if I'm controlling my life for happiness and success, I don't need to have the conversation. Bills are paid.
DeLaw:Bills are paid, everything's taken care of.
Wes:Fuck yeah, why is that needed?
DeLaw:I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I think we got an argument the other day and she was like well, you know, I always take care of. It was about the cat. So the cat has been scratching off his hair. We found out, you know. She's like well, when we came back from Panama, he had a patch of hair missing off his chest. When we came back from Panama, he had a patch of hair missing off his chest. He came back from Manhattan, he had a patch missing off his face and gradually well, that's what I thought and then it started being that he started scratching at his hair like, really scratching like and getting scabs and the hair coming out, like he's practically bald and heartless. I'm like, okay, we need to go to the vet. I get it, he's a cat, but we need to go to a vet because we about to have a half-headed zombie-looking cat in this motherfucker. It got to a point she was calling that motherfucker zombie. I'm like, yeah, she was calling that motherfucker zombie. You call the cat zombie. But I was like alright, well, you know, I give you the money and set the appointment, the cat to his appointment and she was like alright, cool, she calls back.
DeLaw:Well, did you think about my time and what I had planned for? I'm like you literally just told me as long as it's on Tuesday and Friday, it's fine. So what are we talking about? I said so, can you take one? Can you not take one? When I say the conversation went from being on the phone with her to she got home and she was like oh well, you know you didn't think of my time. You think I just don't do nothing at home on my telework days and you know like I be trying to relax and this and this. Did you ever think about looking at your schedule, possibly taking time off to go do it? So I'm like, um, so is this a no, you're not doing it. Or you know, if you're not going to do it, that's fine, I can figure something out, right? Well, no, I'm not saying no, but I want you, I want to know if you thought about this.
Wes:In my head. I really want to be like no.
DeLaw:I just need to know if you're going to do it or not, so I know what the next steps are Like. At some point I get it. You want to prove a point?
Wes:It's like proving a point that it didn't need to be proven.
DeLaw:If you're like nah, I can't do it, okay, cool, I'll figure out something, you should have just lied. That's what I would have did. I thought about it. She should have lied. What I'm saying is she should have been like nah, I'm not, she didn't have to lie. Nah, I ain't going to do it. No, because I tell her work days. I got to work. I don't want to take the time off.
DeLaw:Or like I don't feel comfortable doing it. That's happening. And, like I told her, all you had to do is say no. If you didn't really want to do it, just say no.
DeLaw:Period, yeah, because in a we wasted 30 to 45 minutes of our day that we could have been talking about something productive or anything else, just for you to tell me. For one, tell me, well, you know what, you know. You leave me hanging on this and I got to figure this out. And you know you, you don't. You know when. You know you never asked to take David here. You never do this, this and this. I'm like well, one, you never asked. And two, you told me you got it. So if you had asked me to do any of these things, I'd be like all right, that's fine. Just like when he was playing football. She'd be like can you pick him up from football practice? Okay, like it was no fight, no argument about it. Do you mind picking him up from here? Know, that's fine, I'll do that. You want to rob me? Okay, fine, we can do that.
DeLaw:But now you, oh, I asked you. It's like well, did I really ask you for anything that is out the realm of a cat that you wanted. I said we can go back and figure out who asked for this cat. It wasn't me, wasn't me? I didn't ask for the cat. You want to argue or get your coochie ate? Come on, I don't play with it. I said when do I ever tell you no? My whole thing is when do I tell you no? Tell me when I tell you no. You told me no when.
Wes:That's because financially.
DeLaw:It wasn't right. You told me, no, you didn't want to go. I said wait a minute. So the situation she brought two situations One was some financial shit. The other one was about she said she was tired, she didn't want to go pick up her son from the train station. No, no, we not even want to pull that one, because at the end of the day, you're exactly what it should be.
Wes:He wasn't supposed to be where he was supposed to be.
DeLaw:Well, no, not even that it was. She said I would never ask you to pick up my son because he's my responsibility. So then why are you asking me to go pick up your son? So make up your mind. Do you want him to be collectively our responsibility, or do you want him to be collectively our responsibility, or do you want him to be solely yours? Because all of our arguments have come from stemming from him, of me trying to be the father figure and then you saying that I'm too strict, I'm too this, you act like your stepfather, blah, blah, blah. And then it turns to well, you know your stepfather, you don't help with anything with him. So which one do you want? Do you want me to want me? You don't. You don't want me to help, you got you can't be.
Wes:You can't pick and choose what makes you feel good. Not only that, uh, we're raising a young man. You just that statement alone. You can't pick and choose what makes you feel good. Men can't pick and choose what makes them feel good. Unfortunately, some of the decisions, the only decisions that we should take, are the hardest decisions. Women they can kind of get away with like not making the hardest decision, but we can't. So it's kind of like we're raising a young man. I would assume that, like yo, it's going to seem like I'm being strict, but there's a lot more, you know. I mean, it could be a lot more harder for him with someone else.
DeLaw:All I ever do is try to prepare him for how hard it's going to be to be with a woman. You know what I'm saying.
Wes:True indeed.
DeLaw:You know what I'm saying? It's like like he, uh, he had this notion in his head, so his mother brought him some of those minute rice things and, uh, he didn't want him.
DeLaw:So he took one of the ready and, mind you, the stuff on our side of the cabinet is generally for me and her, but certain things are for all of us, yeah, so so he was like, oh well, I'm gonna just take the one pack of ready rice. Now, the ready rice okay, it's a little bit more than the minute rice you got. Maybe two, three of those up to get was in the thing. So my wife was like, why are these over here? Oh well, you didn't see what happened. No, I took that one over here and I gave you all this. And so I look at her. I'm like didn't you buy him shit for him to eat, for him to still come over to our side of the cabinet and take some shit of ours? I know we're not doing that. So well, you know, I just want to make sure he eats. The little nigga eats. Anyway, he got a job. He can go get his own fucking food. I don't give a shit about that. No, it either.
DeLaw:Set the tone, if you, if you want to be like I'm going to be the sole disciplinarian. Set the real tone. Yeah, set the real tone, like no, that's not acceptable. Why are you in our bedroom? Why the door open? Why our bedroom door open if we know we close the shit? Why are you in our bedroom? Why are you? Why are you eating shit? That's not yours? You've got a whole cabinet on your side. You can go, you know.
DeLaw:Like, set the real tone, don't set this mock tone. Oh, I'm just glad he's eating. No bitch, I don't give a shit if that motherfucker eat it. If he ate all his food in two days, then nigga, he'll be hungry for six or five. You're like I don't give a shit. But that's the reality of if I was, if she let me be involved and we could have that conversation. The conversation would turn into that she's going to always choose a son over me and that's why, when her uncle asked me one time, he was like, well, you know, I said, well, you know, honestly, I've already come to terms that I'm not the most important thing in our life, you know, or most important person in our life. I come maybe fifth or sixth.
Wes:You should not come fifth or sixth.
DeLaw:Well, but see, but mind you, it's from I understand.
Wes:second, maybe even third.
DeLaw:He was like oh well, you know, you know, I think you're definitely high up there. I said, but I'm not the first one, I'm not. I'm not what the Bible says I'm supposed to be, I'm not her most important thing because, when it comes down to it, she's the most important person to me. That I will bend over backwards to take care of her. But when it comes down to it, I come behind her son, I come behind her sister, I come behind her father, I come behind her aunt and uncle. So I'm about number six, well, maybe just her aunt. So I might be like number five, number six, give or take, you know. So it's like I'm not the most important thing. I mean, I don't think it's like I said, no, it's like that.
Wes:He was trying to give you a little. He tried to ease the blow for you yeah, give you a little bit of hope. Sometimes the he tried to ease the blow for you yeah, get you a little bit old. But sometimes the reality is the reality.
DeLaw:The reality is the reality and I told her I was like I already know I'm not the most important thing. I knew you had a child. When I met you I already knew that he was going to be the most important thing. Like anytime you tell somebody if you want to be with me, you had to deal with my son. We're a package deal, that that means it don't matter what the hell that little nigga do. He could go rob a bank. You're gonna find a way to be like well, why did he rob the bank? Because he wanted to? Motherfucker? Well? No, maybe he just felt he needed the money. No, because he wanted he wanted to he wanted to.
DeLaw:that's why we're in a situation. We are now with him and I mean, obviously we can't tell a bunch of other shit. That's that's. That's an off record I got you. But it's like one thing. It's like come on, at some point, either let me raise him or send him with his father. Yeah, you don't want to send him with his father because his father, he's going to be worse off with his father. So if that's, if you trust me enough to be in your bed, build a life with you, then you should trust me enough to help you raise him and raise him to be what it is Now. If you have gone through this whole thing of not giving him a set rules and now he just doesn't like the structure, oh, I don't like him because he has too many rules. Guess what? He don't like his job now because they got too many rules. Think of how this is translating over.
Wes:Yo, I'm a firm believer. I don't have children, not a stepdad or anything like that, but I'm a firm believer in like yo, like especially women. Boys 13, they got to go with their dad man, I'm sorry, because women do a good job. I'm not going to say that they don't do a good job, but they can't do. Sometimes they can't do the job that's needed. You know what I?
DeLaw:mean I'm not going to say they don't do a good job.
Wes:They don't do the job that's needed.
DeLaw:They do a good job as far as the nurturing part, but when it comes to that hard truth, that hard you know being being, it'll be like not even hard it's.
Wes:It's hard because you've been nurtured. Now you need to understand what life is and how it's going to be right. I'm going to be for a man. You know what I mean, because that's what you're growing up to be.
DeLaw:That's what you're growing up to be and and women don't know what it is to be a man. They just know. And I think we had this conversation before when I would say, like women that raise these single boys, try to teach them to be the man that they want, but yet you can't even find that nigga in the street for real. So now you created this fictitious ass nigga that you can't even get in your bed and now you got this soft ass son out here just bending over backwards for these chicks, just getting the pussy and trying to be everything that. You got this soft ass son out here just bending over backwards for these chicks just getting the pussy and trying to be everything that they mother told them to be, and these bitches running them over easy.
DeLaw:You know what I'm saying? Well, you know. You think about it, think of all the chicks. That was like. You know what it's. Not that you're not a good guy, you're just too nice and I feel like I could run over you or you don't have that, uh they want some nigga.
DeLaw:That's gonna be rough and tough with the afro puff out here. You know, that's what they said.
Wes:Me and my wife was just talking about that yesterday and I was just like women that say that they don't do themselves a disservice. It's not, you don't like him, that's all it is, and then that's fine. You're not attracted to what you getting in that. But because we were talking about something and she was like, um, you know, woman, uh, it kills her when women say, oh, um, I'm not with, I don't nobody want a guy that's always nice, don't want to buy, you want a guy that's kind of always clean and always calling me and checking up on me. I'm like, no, that's a lie, she wants that. She wants that from the guy that's kind of always cleaning and always calling me and checking up on me. I'm like, no, that's a lie, she wants that. She wants that from the guy that she likes. I ain't never heard a woman that said I don't want a. I never heard a woman that meant I don't want a guy that's nice, all y'all want a guy.
DeLaw:They want a nigga who they like.
Wes:To be nice to them.
DeLaw:Yeah, you don't like them, you're using them. You see it all the time on social media and the Pop, the Balloon Challenge. Well yeah, you see it all the time when you really look at what they deny. Now, mind you, yes, you have all of maybe four or five minutes up there to pick who you might have a love connection with and whatever. That's what a lot of answers are. I didn't see the instant physical attraction.
Wes:I didn't feel the vibes.
DeLaw:Right, but yet you know you get something that come with it. Come with it, ratchet, like you know I want someone to provide. Like that, when they get asked the question, well, what do you mean provide? I mean you know like provide, provide what? So you know like five, uh, what which? So you know there's way.
DeLaw:You know, like someone looking out on the outside into my, me and my wife's relationship, you know you can make the argument that he doesn't provide for her. But it all depends on what you want provided, in my opinion. You know I mean so yeah, for me and my wife. My wife might just really because my wife, you know she make more than me and she's been on her own for a while she might just need me to provide what she doesn't have or provide space for her, freely use her money. So that might just be me buying the toiletries and the commodities for the house, so that's like the toilet paper, the laundry detergent, all that shit that stacks up to be like $80. You know what I'm saying and that's non-grocery. You know what I'm saying. And then just fill up the, you know, and then help fill up the groceries.
DeLaw:You know what I'm saying. Like it might be that she wants that, and then you know, changing the filter, stuff like that, things around the house, that could be all she needs me to provide, but that's still me providing. I don't got to take care of all the bills because that's not what she needs me to provide. So provider means different things to everybody. You got some guys. They're like well, they're going there to sue you. You know, I want someone who believes in 50-50. You can, eight of them pop their balloons on you. Now, mind you I think I've said this before too is, if you can't even provide that life for you, why would you expect me to do it?
Wes:Not only that, just that, for an example, what women fail to realize when a man speaks of that, he wants her to be okay with the idea of it. That might not even be your reality. He might actually just be able to pay 100. But as I I know as a man myself, and you probably feel this way too like if I was ever in a situation where I was doing everything, it's a, it's a really it's a nerve-wracking situation to be in, because if y'all live in a certain lifestyle and then y'all can't because something happened to you, then the whole house kind of falls apart.
Wes:I would, um, to be honest, I would want my wife to be able to earn. Let's just say she did part-time shit. If something happened that she can kind of go in full-time and and kind of, we can kind of be at another baseline. We ain't got to lose everything. Might have to cut back on some things, but we ain't got to lose everything. But if something happened to the husband or the father, the man or whatever, something happened to him and she ain't doing I know she has no skills, he has nothing like that y'all lost everything. Y'all will lose everything that will lose everything until he gets back on his feet.
Wes:Hopefully he does. So my whole thing is with that is like they don't have to be 50, 50 like right now with me and my wife is like 70, 30 maybe, maybe not even that it might be 80, 20. Now I'm thinking about it.
DeLaw:When it comes to me and my wife, it might be more of like a 60-40 her way versus.
Wes:It's literally 70-20, 70-30. My way, your way, yeah.
DeLaw:But you know, the one thing and this is why I love my wife is she went in knowing she went to the chemist knowing I didn't make what she makes and she knew that I had to hustle just to get close. And I'm still not close to what she makes. And she knew that I had to hustle just to get close and I'm still that close to what she makes. Now, mind you, let's say I get this promotion, I can negotiate 70 grand a year or whatever. You know what I'm saying.
DeLaw:I make 10 grand, I'll be catching up to her. Then we could maybe go 50-50 on shit. But she went into this knowing I didn't make it and she kind of going well, we know, if we're going to do this, I'll pay this as long as you're paying something, because she knows that on the back end of it I got it, I got it, or even just that she knows I'll still take her route, I'll do this, I'll do that, so she doesn't have to waste money or like certain things she would have to do just to hamper her. Do things for herself.
Wes:She understands that paying 100 percent of the bills is a no go, so she'll rather have some extra money in her goddamn pocket. But a lot of women, they like no 100 percent or or or nothing at all. Someone will even take 50. I'm like you got 50 percent of your money back in your pocket and you still like, nah, they don't like those, they don't like those men, that's what I'm saying like, if you really like the guy, if they really like the guy, they do. Whatever they need. They'll do it.
DeLaw:Yeah, okay, I'm here to help you and you know, like you know whatever you need and that's you know, I mean my boy be always talking about it. It was you know, was you know a woman is willing to do and how they perceive shit is almost 100% attraction yeah, or dick, or dick, or dick. Yeah. If they see you out here balling for real and they don't really like you but they see you got money, you already knew that. You know my money's my money, your money's our money, Like what Hold up. But then if they see a nigga who's struggling, oh yeah, I'm just trying to build their tone changes based on what they know you have. So if you got good dick and no money, they willing to build with you, but you got average dick and money, they want you to front the bill to keep them there.
DeLaw:But, they still gonna probably cheat. You never know.
Wes:Just gotta find good people in your life. That's all that comes to that.
DeLaw:To have and to hold. Nigga, do sickness and health. My boy, remember when I told you I went to the alpha thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the chick that was there, she had overheard it and how did you get yourself old? So she at first, she was cool you got yourself in trouble.
Wes:The episode ain't even come out yet.
DeLaw:Yeah, I know, right now I don't even know if yet, yeah, I know right, and so she's like yeah you know, I don't even know if I should put the motherfucker out. We talked.
Wes:Oh gosh bro.
DeLaw:She was like well, I just want you to know that you know you ain't the only one out here that can see shit, and you know, you know like you know, but sorority events. We got the other fraternities there that I could walk out with five numbers. But I do, with our respect for our marriage, that I First of all.
Wes:First of all, you coming at me over something that, like I told you verbatim, you overheard by snooping and eavesdropping, respectfully, because I've been in this situation too, and I told my wife it's a very similar situation And'm like that is guy talk. You weren't even supposed to hear that. And this is why men and women need their separate time with whoever they, whatever, whatever, whatever because this is talk that just comes out but I never act on it, just like I'm sure you say things and you never act on it. Because I remember one time my wife was like well, why won't you let me see your phone and this, this? And I said look, I have a group chat. That's kind of crazy. I say things. I don't want you looking at me weird or getting mad at stuff. That I think is funny. You don't need to see that. It's big booty.
Wes:I said it's big joints in there I'm saying crazy shit, I am being disrespectful and this, this and that, but you have never known me to disrespect you, any woman or anything like that. And when I explained that shit to her she was like all right, and that's why she don't listen to the podcast now, but I explained that to her, but when we were talking to her.
DeLaw:I said well, you got to understand. I was talking to my mom. She said I heard it more than once. You were doing it on the podcast and you talked about it with your boy. I was like. But they asked. I told them you don't go outside to have conversations Never mind, that was the go outside to have a conversation.
Wes:Oh, you know, that was the wrong thing to say. That is where I was. Like you're cheating now, like I mean, sorry, I caught myself when we had a conversation that night.
DeLaw:We didn't have a conversation about that. I was, like you know, it led into, okay, all this other stuff and, like I said to you, I said my initial thing wasn't oh, she bad as shit, it was, why is she single?
Wes:Yeah, that is what we talked about. You were like why is she single? Why is?
DeLaw:she single. If you got this body, you got this and you got all this going for you, why are you single? You know what I'm saying. And my boy was like well, you know, and not that me and my boy will be getting into arguments about my wife. My boy he is like some of the women, and not that he's a woman, but some of the women is. As soon as it ain't going his way, fuck that bitch, I'm out. You know what I'm saying and I get it.
Wes:My homie. I got a homie, that's like that too, but he's like that because he's out there. You know what I mean.
DeLaw:And it's kind of like yo I'm not.
Wes:I'm not. Yeah, my homie too. Yo, he told me the other day. Side note, my homie told me two days ago. He was like he's messing with this joint. That was like 40-something and he's spending the night over at the house and this is me talking to him. She's texting him, telling him something. Well, my son wasn't home. I just thought you would have. We would have been fucking all night. He caught offense to that. Like yo, don't be telling me. Like what I should be doing to you. Like you, I came over to drop dick and spend the night If I wanted to bust one quick joint off or whatever, have you and chill for the rest of the night, that's my prerogative.
Wes:That's what he was getting at. You should have said something right then and there, Not like a couple of days later making this thing like I'm your sex toy.
DeLaw:If you want to do the whole night, bitch, say something.
Wes:I get like I'm your hair. Say something he said I could like own you her sex toy and shit. He was like that's not even my girl, I don't go all night for he's like you. Lucky. I spent the night and I'm just like.
DeLaw:It baffles me sometimes. Me and my boy were talking and I was like, and I'm talking to my wife because you're like, well, you know. I said, well, at the end of the day he was, he was someone where he felt was high value. I said, well, I have, you know, I have a woman. It's subjective to the guy.
Wes:I said to me, my wife, my about is what I have, what I hold value to, my lifestyle, Like are you, what am I going to? Are you going to be able to fit in my program? Am I going to be able to fit into yours?
DeLaw:That's simple as that I would never say I want you to be like my mother, because I don't want you to be like my mother.
Wes:You know what I'm saying.
DeLaw:Because I don't want to feel like I'm being parented by my wife. But, like I told you and I broke it down to what I thought was high value and you checked off all those boxes of being high value, and then that's on Sunday, then on Monday, that's when she was like well, I just want to let you know that this is and this is blah, blah, blah, and I kind of feel something. I'm not saying I'm jealous that you saw other women, but don't think that I don't see these other guys out there. I just know.
Wes:Your wife be coming to you like a thug man, Because there's no way, there's no way, there's no way. There's no way I'm hoping I'm having this conversation over something that you overheard, that you weren't even supposed to be listening to. And here's the respectfully morally part to that. Anyone can find someone attractive, right, like I see why that person is attractive. Am I attracted? No, it's Really simple.
DeLaw:Put it this way If I was and I pursued it, me and you wouldn't be having this conversation, exactly Because I wouldn't have said it out loud.
Wes:Here's the thing Even if I were Right that too, y'all wouldn't be having that conversation.
DeLaw:We wouldn't be having that conversation.
DeLaw:You know what I'm saying. So it's one of those things. I know you're thinking about pledging alpha and you know, with all the sororities want alphas and blahs and blahs. And I was like who said I was thinking about pledging alpha? I said I considered it but I ain't got that type of money to be pledging alpha. I ain't got that type of time to be and I ain't got that type of money to be going to a visit.
DeLaw:Okay, everybody got to buy two tickets. I mean I'll be calling hey, wes, we got a crowd fees out here in Anne Arundel County. It's $75 per person. You think you and your wife would come. $75 per person. Hell, nah, like, nah, nigga the fuck.
DeLaw:You mean it's one of those things where it's like, as much as I would want to do it if I was single, not unmarried, and everything else, I would take a real run at it only because of what I saw that day. But it ain't worth my time if I know that it's going to put ain't worth my time for her, if I know that it's going to put a strain on my marriage. I shot it with a target. You know Mike wants me to do it, but I think she really wants me to go signal because she's his agent and they're actually contracts.
DeLaw:When you bow to each other in Greek life, yeah, I know, right, it's some crazy shit, but nonetheless, we had that conversation, um, and she's like, well, you know, like I feel like your boy. I was like, nah, well, he is. That's why I never take advice for single people. In his head, me and you should have been divorced two years, two days ago, three days ago, when he first started reconnecting with me, we should have been divorced. Then, if you go into life in situations thinking this ain't for me and you drop out, did you even really give it a shot?
DeLaw:And say oh well when I hear people that say they got divorced, that they still love the person who they married to. They just weren't happy in marriage. Well, why weren't you happy? I mean, I just wasn't happy. So you don't even know why you weren't happy, you just know you weren't happy.
Wes:That's the shit. That's the shit that pisses me off, because, chances are, you was the reason why you weren't happy.
Wes:Right, you, you, you know, sometimes I only think is that I I talked to my homeboy because, about this particular statement I'm about to make, because I've heard so many women out their mouth right next to me say stupid shit, like I got back with my ex because I was bored, stupid shit like that. And I think usually in marriages sometimes not all the time, but more likely, uh, if a woman is, you know, pro-divorce because she ain't happy this, this and that, I'm gonna say, yeah, there's probably some things the man could improve upon, but usually they're not happy because they feel like their life is stagnant, they don't have any hobbies or they're not growing and they are bored I look, I.
DeLaw:Oh. Yeah, I took on me and Martin's on August when we left West Coast last night.
Wes:And I was like you know.
DeLaw:I feel like you always talk to me like a dog to your friends.
Wes:You don't, no, you don't. I said no I don't.
DeLaw:Specifically to this friend. I said no. I said he's the one who told me to stay out the bars. He's the one that said he needs to spend more time with his wife. He's the one that told me to do all this and this and this. Now, his views on marriage and relationships might be real fucked up, but he's the one that's like look, you're married, you got a wife. Why the hell are you at the bar? A lot of times he's the one that I said that too. You said that too, but you're married Either way. To put it in perspective, when me and her were going through this stuff, when we were about to get divorced, he's like if you don't want to be in a relationship, then leave. Why are you at the bar? Why are you doing this? If I had that opportunity to be with somebody and everything was going fine, I would work as hard as I could to keep that shit together and I'm like I think I think homie just misunderstood, like my homie is.
Wes:All he's saying is he knows exactly what he wants. If he finds it, he's locking that shit down. He don't want no distractions of not being able to get to that.
DeLaw:I get that all he's saying is don't get distracted by all this other pussy out there.
Wes:I get it.
DeLaw:I told him. I said look, when I go to the bar it ain't to go see the bitches, it's to see the niggas, Because my niggas I'm sorry, Let me rephrase that it's to see my niggas Because we all marry. We all marry. We go to the bar just to get away from the wife. That's 2% of my life of freedom that I might have. That's true. It's 2% because they're like man, you got the old, old, old, high 50s, 60s.
Wes:I'm about to go.
DeLaw:Well, if you don't like it, you can leave. But these are niggas that are making enough money to be like all right, that bitch left yeah, she left. They can do that. You got some of them that are like. You know, I've been together. I was like, ah, you know she want me to do this, you do this. I'm in a very unique situation. My wife is kind of a tweener. She doesn't mind me going out, but she minds me going out. She doesn't mind me going out just periodically, but she minds me being out of this every day. She doesn't mind if I drink, but she minds if I drink too much. If I'm drinking when she drinks, it's cool. If I'm drinking just because I want to drink, it's a problem. So I'm in a very different, unique situation and I was trying to no, you're not.
Wes:That's called marriage. What you're saying ain't nothing. It's nothing foreign to me. What you're saying.
DeLaw:I told her yesterday. I was like you know.
Wes:I said nothing she just wants to feel and know that, like yo, you are still. Yeah, because you being out all the time means that to feel and know that, like yo, you are still with her. Because you being out all the time means that you don't want to be with her. You drinking all the time means you drinking because of her, all that stupid, dumb shit that we don't even think about. You know what I mean. It's just kind of like I'm drinking because I like to drink, right.
DeLaw:I mean I was telling her. I said, you know, I said I don't listen to some stuff I listen to because he does make good points. But I told her, I said if I wasn't listening to him, me and you would have been divorced almost four months ago. Yeah, maybe six months ago, because you know you can leave her and find a little gent out here and I can get that you. But you're like, nah like, and like I like. I said I don't take advice from single people because they're going to give you sick advice. They're going to give you advice. Well, I wouldn't have did that, I wouldn't have did.
DeLaw:Well, you're not in a whole relationship where you're bound to a person legally along with spiritually you know what I'm saying the eyes of god, as you went through the whole ceremony. So you're looking at it from all right. Well, spiritually I'm bouncing the neck because I fuck them, but we ain't legally married so I can just dip off and you know whatever. But you're looking at it from a perspective of I can just up and leave. I can't just up and leave. If I owned this house myself, oh, babe, if you wanted to get divorced. See you, I own this house. Now we got to go through all right. Well, we own this house together and I want to stay here, but now I got to buy you out of your portion of the house, and that's just what the house is afraid for.
Wes:So let's say the house will pray for it you ain't really gotta do that for real. For real. I'm not this is not a me trying to get you to do this it's just the loan, y'all y'all on the loan together. So it's one of those things where it's like we need to satisfy the loan. If I sell the house is when you get the equity. If I do that now, we can stay in contact with this, this and that. Because both of our names are on the deed of the house, you will know it gets sold.
DeLaw:Well, if she wants to sell, I would look at it as a I'm not saying that that's what you should be looking forward to.
Wes:I'm just saying that will be the process.
DeLaw:What I found was, if I want to stay let's say, you know, worse comes to worse and I want to stay my best scenario is to buy her out of her portion of the house, and that's buying her out of what equity is possibly in the house. So let's say there's $90,000 of equity in the house. I would need to provide $45,000 to her to buy a round of her portion of the house, because buying a round just means if I sold the house, what would you get at this point?
Wes:And so I was like but her name, so does that mean her name comes off the deed and all that? Because if not you ain't got to pay the 45 right away.
DeLaw:Well, we can buy them out. I think it does.
Wes:Okay, and I told her you know.
DeLaw:I said, like what's your plan? You know, because I'm leaving in six months and this bad move really entrenched me, of like, of course. And she's like, what are you going to do? I said, well, I don't want to leave. We can make it a range where I know I can still afford a house on my own. It'd be tough, it'd be tight, I might not have shit in my motherfucking refrigerator, but I can afford to still live here. Worst comes to worst.
DeLaw:As an agreement, I can give you whatever I paid on the house. You can take it and put it on your taxes. That way, you know it is what it is. You know what I'm saying. And she's like I don't know. I want to tell you. You know, whatever we get from it, it should be enough to start up a new life for you. So you're telling me. So you're telling me that instead of owning a house, that you get tax benefits all over and I heard this when she gave me taxes. Like the reason that you didn't owe a shit ton of taxes or whatever, is because of this house and because of the timeshare, because of all that shit that we pay. You're telling me you're willing to just throw that away because you're mad at a moment.
DeLaw:I said happiness and sadness is a temporary emotion. Love is something that you choose to do, like especially you know. Hey, well, you know I love you. It's action. But when you, when you go into the unconditional love, that is a choice you make every day to love somebody. That is what unconditional love is.
DeLaw:Regardless of what they do to you, whatever what they say to you, that you still love them. That is a choice to make and that's how you end up in the realm of unconditional love. It's not based off of how I feel that day. It's based off of regardless of what my wife said to me that day and I might be a little bothered by it I still love her. And women have a harder time of getting across with unconditional love than men do Men. Once they realize they love you and they want to take care of you, they unconditionally love you. Even even and we're saying this, know you're gonna have something to say about it even the men that cheat on a, on a wise I ain't gonna say about that, you know even the men that cheat on their wives and they still go home.
DeLaw:They still will do everything above me on to make sure they take care of their wife and they still love their wives and I'm not gonna say that is the best unconditional love, but let anything happen to their wife, they will go above and beyond like they, men, we, we choose and we really do unconditionally love easier than women do, because a lot of times when women their love is conditional, like even the ones on social media, well well, you know my husband, he takes care of everything.
DeLaw:So I cook, I clean, I fuck, I shut up.
Wes:So how do you explain the women that repeatedly take a nigga back for cheating, knowing that that is a condition for them to stay with that motherfucker?
DeLaw:Because they take care of them.
Wes:Not because they love them.
DeLaw:No.
Wes:Women, you don't think women take men back after they cheat and do all this fuck shit because they love them. No, no.
DeLaw:Now check out my logic.
Wes:I'm not going to say I'm not saying all.
DeLaw:I'm talking about the ones that I know, the ones that I know the ones that I know I ain't going to put nobody out there.
Wes:Don't worry about it.
DeLaw:The ones that I know and what I've seen and everything else. A lot of times is it because they love them? That's what they'll say. But a lot of times either they got a really good dick and they don't think they'll find any better dick or they get taken care of financially from this dude, I mean that's. I've heard Chase like oh you know, like we broke up because he cheated on me and I was messing with this other guy, but like he didn't satisfy me the way the other dude did and I kind of went back and we got a kid together. So I figured it was better for the kid.
DeLaw:Like a lot of times women make a lot of excuses to go back to a nigga that they know ain't good for, based on other shit that's irrelevant to anything, like even my wife. My wife is one of where she stayed with her baby father out there. He done cheated on her. They done gotten a full fist fight. Well, you know, I needed him because I couldn't take care of these two kids on my own and blah, blah, blah. They come up with every scenario to stay with something because they don't know if they'll find someone better, or that's like for guys like we don't know, we'll go back to a chick. That's a pain in our ass because we're like is it easier to get this pussy or to find a new pussy? You know what I'm saying.
Wes:It represents that listen as. I got older, I now see I'm already married, so I don't even count that. I know this. It's all the same. It's the same type of difficulty. Yeah, I should have left nothing as bitches when I was dealing with them, long before I actually left them.
DeLaw:I mean, I get why some people do the. When it comes down to it and I could only speak from a man's point of view a good man's point of view we might not be, we might not know how you want to be loved or how or how to love you the way you want to be loved, but we will love you and we'll do everything we can to love you the best way we know how to and learn how you want to be loved. We'll do that. That's why I say for men it's always it's for men it's easier to love unconditionally because we wake up in the morning and, knowing that we ain't got no kids, we're a hot commodity. We can step out and find a jank that's like, oh, he ain't got no kids, he ain't got this, he ain't got no big mother, whatever, whatever.
DeLaw:It's easy for us to step out and stumble into pussy. But we choose to still love you and honor our marriage. So we choose to still love you and honor our marriage. So we choose in my head to love you unconditional, regardless of what foolishness you might come up with, regardless of what dreams you might have that I was cheating on you. But knowing I wasn't cheating on you, like we still choose to wake up very morning and and reassure you that we ain't going away. You know what I'm saying if I woke up in the morning and said, babe, I'm mad because, you know, in my dream you cheated on me. So you know, I mean that's cool and all, but are you cheating on me? Because the only person you only feel guilty if you're cheating on me and that's why you think I'm cheating, like it would be some way to turn that? And it's like women I'm not saying women don't have the capability of loving unconditionally.
Wes:I don't think it's as easy for them because of how the majority of them have been raised, going forward versus so that that that that I, that I can agree with, yeah Me.
DeLaw:Ignoring you. Yes, yes, I am bitch.
Wes:Speaking of being in control of your life, or your life or your day-to-day for happiness and success. Do you personally if a family member success? Do you personally if a family member came to your house unannounced? Do you let them in?
DeLaw:Yeah.
Wes:You do All the time, you would at all times.
DeLaw:At all times.
Wes:I'm not, and neither is this guy, so listen to this.
DeLaw:What kind of question.
Wes:You just asked me where I'm from people visit each other without any previous communication, the host uh, the host then has to stop everything they're doing and receive them, especially if they are from the family. I believe it's disrespectful to visit someone without justification and or previous agreement. I know it's a culture of the country, but for me it's like the visitor is saying I know you have nothing better to do, so just drop it all and tend to me, disregarding my work or chore I may be doing. I've made it clear to my family that I am strict with this and even if I'm just watching a movie, playing video games or looking at my cat, if you didn't take the consideration of notifying me in advance, it doesn't matter to me. You're a few blocks away, coming from a different country or from Mars. If you didn't tell or call, if you didn't text or call me in preparation to your arrival, you will be left outside, door shut.
Wes:A few days ago, my mother told me a cousin of mine came from a very came from a very far away country and he was going to my house in two days. I warned her that I wouldn't be able to receive them because I would be working. I work from home Plus. I didn't wish to dedicate my time to them, because my cousin didn't give me the dignity of knowing he was coming to the country beforehand. I didn't even know he had been around for like one week. I told my mother do not come, I will not open the door. I'm really sorry, but no Long story short.
Wes:They came to my door anyway. I saw my mother, father and cousin in the security cam and heard them calling me. I let them sit there under the sun for half an hour until they gave up and left. It's incredibly important for me that my word is respected. If I said don't come, my wishes need to be respected or you'll be left outside. I love my family and friends, but they need to respect me. This. I show up first and tell you later. Culture is way beneath me.
DeLaw:This I show up first and tell you later.
Wes:Culture is way beneath me. Before this, some family members also came from abroad and surprised me with a call saying they were on the beach and for me to go. I am not nine years old, thus I didn't even know they were nearby. You can't just ask me to go to the beach on a weekday in the afternoon. Please dignify me by planning in advance. It's not that hard, of course. I declined the invitation and politely let them know I won't just drop everything and go to the beach with them. So you're telling me I know this is drastic. Listen, this person that's me all day, every day. I don't open the door for family to just pop up, because it is one of those things where it's like oh, I got to get you a water. My house might not be what it's supposed to be, I might be in my drawers. So it's just kind of like nah, tell me you won't come so I can say, yeah, come through. Nah, it's not a good time. But you saying that you no matter what, you letting them in, no matter what.
DeLaw:No matter what I mean because it's my people's. No, I get that. The way I see it, it might be that one night I was just too fucked up to get home and I don't want you to turn me away.
Wes:I understand.
DeLaw:I don't want you to. The fuck is wrong with you. You drunk, my family ain't here. I ain't answering the door, I'm not for the door, I just need some more to crash for a couple of hours. You know what I'm saying. It's one of those things where you know family's family and I don't ever want to have that, that mentality of like my cousin. He done crashed two cars, wrapped them both around trees because he was too drunk. Both times he said he was around the corner from my house. Why didn't you just, why didn't you just, why didn't you just knock and ring the doorbell? And I'd have seen it on my like? Well, that's Thursday, that's my, that's my family. You know what I'm saying. Hey, what's going on, fam, I just need a crash, all right. You need a bucket too, all right. Well, here's a sofa, here's a blanket. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, whatever, you know what.
DeLaw:I'm saying it's one of those things I would never want that to happen. You know what I'm saying. And like in this case he sound like somebody who is, who wasn't. He felt he wasn't appreciated by the family and so now that he's got his life together, everybody wants him to. You just admit to his brother and sister and family and whatever he's like. Nah, I don't want to do that because y'all ain't love me back and that's why I say it's the motherfucker white.
Wes:That's what that whole thing sound like to you.
DeLaw:That's what it sound like to me. No, no, don't get me wrong. Black people do the same shit. I'm not saying they don't, but what when it comes to like real black community? You know, everybody always texts when they come home. Right, if someone pulls up at the house because of whatever, oh you drunk, I was such an ass hit.
Wes:Okay. So when you put it, when you put it that way, right, I didn't, I didn't think about the person might need some assistance, All right. So in that case it's kind of like yo, yeah, you should not turn family away. Now I feel bad, but no one has ever came to my house.
DeLaw:No one's ever come to my house like that either. But I mean just, it's just one of those things where I tell If I tell you no, though, you won't respect me.
Wes:That part I agree with. It's like yo.
DeLaw:I can't If it's pre-planned and I don't want to house nobody. That's something totally different. So here's the thing If you still pull up in my house and I say I'm not housing a motherfucker, it wasn't even housing, it was just a visit. Oh, it was just a visit, oh it was just a visit.
Wes:Yeah, fuck the mother niggas, it was just a visit. It wasn't like to house, it was just like yo, like if I tell your mom's like, nah, it's gonna be a no, and your mom come over there anyway, to which the mom was hoping, it was like, well, if I come with him or if I come with them, my kid ain't gonna leave me out there. So if it was my mom, well, if I come with him or if I come with them, my kid ain't going to leave me out there. So if it was my mom by herself, yeah, I ain't going to leave her out there.
Wes:No, because he told her. He told her, like yo don't bring this nigga, you bought the nigga. Y'all not getting that.
DeLaw:You know, what's funny Is my stepfather would have pulled up at my house and be like the fuck you leave your mother out there, for that's when your daddy come out there, motherfucker, I get it. What the fuck wrong with you?
Wes:Let's just say hypothetically my dad being the man that I think he would be it was like yo, respect this man's house. He's a man. Now he said I'm not taking visitors. You could have some pussy up in there. That's the day you clapping cheeks, yeah, like you clapping cheeks all night, all day, or whatever have you. I'm like it's not a good time because I'm clapping cheeks. Y'all respect them. You gotta respect that person's wishes, man. But yeah, especially if I tell you nah, nah, but like yo, you should be dropping by, like especially if it's family. I guess it's different for me, cause I don't really be talking to family like that. There's like five or six people I'll be talking to. So, like my sister showed up, yeah, my, my brother showed up, yeah, my mom showed up, yeah, anybody outside. So the fact that you show up, it's something going on.
Wes:I don't think I want to be a part of this. You can see all the cars outside and the windows up. I'm not fucking holding that door. So I don't know. I'm on the fence with that one. It was up until you said if they drunk or they need some help. I was like, damn you right. Usually I try to avoid the. You said if they're drunk or if they need some help, I was like, damn, you're right.
Wes:Usually I try to avoid the can I borrow some money, type shit? I guess that's what I'm thinking from.
DeLaw:If they just pull it up just because they want to pull it up and they ain't got nothing else to do with their life, that's a different story, but you don't know why they pull it up. No, I don't why they pulled up. No, I don't I mean, but in this case it sounded like he knew what he pulled up for they wanted. He told his mom no she did it anyway then you said a ton, what? That's why I said it's a white black you know what it could be, no, I could.
Wes:No, they could be nigerian or they could be african only because that is the culture like yo yo, when you have a guest, you give that guest whatever they need and want. They are your guests. That's any culture. But Western culture, like our culture and all the Western countries and shit like that, that's not our culture. So that could be anybody.
DeLaw:That's true.
Wes:Anybody. But yeah, man, hey, listen, that person chose happiness in that situation. Yo, somebody won't respect me and I won't be happy that I stood up for myself. They control their situation. That was one aspect in their life that they know that they can control, which is people coming in and dropping an unannounced disrupt in my day. I agree with it now.
DeLaw:I mean, I've heard worse. I've heard worse too, but I get it. You know it is what it is. It is what it is at that point. You know what I'm saying, but what it is at that point. You know what I'm saying. But you know what you got yourself into when you were born with your parents.
Wes:Yeah, funny as shit. You know what you got yourself into when they birthed you, when she birthed you. I swear some parents. It's just like yo, like I could talk to you any time because I birthed you. I can be unreasonable and irrational and shit like that, because I birthed you.
Wes:You just got to deal with it, and it's just like the moment that adult child or kid stands up for themselves. You'll think you hit that motherfucker Like how dare you stand up for yourself? And try to treat yourself like that In my face, in my face.
DeLaw:In my face, nigga, I'm supposed to continue to do what I want to do, Right?
Wes:I don't ever want to be in no situation like that Shit. On that note, even though D-Law feels like he's not in control in his life, I know he is and everyone. Please continue to control what you can control to be happy and to be better. And thank you guys for listening.