According To Wes
Finding the humor in everyday life and trying to understand what that means to me.
Join me on this never ending journey of self improvement and reflection with the help of friends.
According To Wes
Wes & DeLaw | The Unexpected Tribal Chief
Relationships require proper acknowledgment and clear boundaries, whether in marriages, parent-child relationships, or financial arrangements.
• The importance of making your partner feel valued, especially when competing with other priorities
• How to navigate adult children living at home, including establishing financial responsibilities
• Setting boundaries and clear expectations helps prepare young adults for independence
• Communication challenges when expressing importance and urgency to your partner
• Relationship dynamics where one partner feels consistently undervalued
• Handling joint responsibilities equitably without taking advantage of your partner's willingness to help
• The necessity of following through on commitments, especially for family events and gatherings
To maintain healthy relationships, recognize that everyone wants to feel important and acknowledged in your life. When you make decisions together, follow through with your commitments and clearly communicate when something matters to you.
One of my own girls, like when we be saying this to our wives, right, sometimes I don't say not, sometimes, a lot of times, I don't say yo, this is going to be really important, like I don't say it with an urgency and a tone that she understands. Like you, you better not say no, like yo, this is really important to me. This means a lot. You're my wife. He needs to. I need to whatever, whatever, whatever, or this, this, and that wife he needs to. I need to whatever, whatever, whatever, or this, isn't that? She'll still say no, because I haven't tried this yet that's a different, that's a, that's a.
Wes:That's a whole different conversation everybody, welcome back to another episode of the according to west podcast and, as always, we got to do you all here yeah, got the belt, got the belt, you've got.
DeLaw:You got the reigning. The offended, most unlikable, most assholeless, the most hated the law, the devil son-in-law in the building.
Wes:I need to get me one of them.
DeLaw:You got me one. All the According to West podcast listeners at this time, acknowledge me. Acknowledge him, you probably think. Acknowledge me is what acknowledge me as the co-host yo, and now to get into your business.
Wes:Have you role played with it yet?
DeLaw:as soon as I got it, I walked in the house. My wife was like what are you doing? I said acknowledge, acknowledge me. She was like nigga had my one finger up and everything. I said acknowledge the head of the table here, woman.
Wes:She was like I would have listened you better than me. Not that this is too late, but order some costumes off of fucking Amazon and shit and just walk into the house with different costumes on different times of the different times of the month and shit.
DeLaw:Just be like and just be a totally different dude the commemorative one, so it's not the leather one that you see on TV, so it's a little bit more plastic than anything else. But no one, you know, unless you up on it, can't really tell the difference. But I told I said when I do get enough money I'm going to get me like the official one, and yeah, but you know I'm going to go ahead and hold this. You know I was a two-time, two-time, two-time season winner for me and the people I do the bets at all the pay-per-views with. I won two years in a row and you know, if you went two years in a row you get a belt but you have to bypass.
DeLaw:So pretty much I won a prior year, so I had an option to either they would purchase whatever I wanted them to purchase, excluding the belt, if I was like I want to go to the bar, I have no bar tab, or I want y'all to make tacos or whatever for me one day. Come over, come chill, bring food, cater it for me. That's what they would do. I bypassed. I don't want nothing. I'm going to go for the two-time winner. I want the undisputed championship title belt, the one that Kofi Kingston won when he beat Daniel Bryant, and so they fulfilled on their promise. That that's why I am the undisputed podcast co-host of the world, and I will be acknowledged as such yes, indeed, yes indeed, I walked in this morning my wife was on the toilet and I was like, hey, man, might I go to Trader Joe's with the belt on?
Wes:she's like you ain't taking that out the house with you. I just need to get that in general because I'm going to be walking around in my drawers with that on Not even no socks, just that, my drawers and the belt on. It's annoying the shit out of my wife. You never know.
DeLaw:You never know. She's like you might be walking in the room. She might be kind of like ready, but like not ready.
Wes:Ready, but not ready shit and you go.
DeLaw:I don't want that. Yeah, you just hold this up and be like acknowledge me. And she might be like huh, acknowledge me as a tribal chica, I'm about to tear them.
Wes:cheeks up.
DeLaw:Yeah, so yeah, I told her, I told my wife. I said, when I get the ones that would love them, I'm gonna give her one too, so she'll have her own.
Wes:but that's somewhere down the line yo speaking of I ain't know what's her name Bianca, bella or whatever. She cut his. I know Jade was cut but Bianca has a nice big. She cut as a mom. I know Jade was cut but Bianca was like shoulders and arms and shit like that. She was cut up. She was on point. Shout out to her.
DeLaw:Yeah, you know disrespect, but shout out to both of them, because you know what it's funny because what it takes to put that type of work in, to have shoulders and arms like that, because god damn when Bianca, when Jay debuted at the Royal Rumble, bianca and her Bianca and Jay both picked up some chicks, looking at each other like this, holding them up in the air, just like uh-huh, yeah, okay, respect, both of them just showing their abs, I was like it's a wonderful time to be a black man watching black women dominate yes and married to black men.
Wes:Trish Stratus, and then something for us and then married to black men.
DeLaw:Bianca's married to a guy from the street pop, skinny black dude, and she never said she's married. But her partner is the second baseman of, like, the cincinnati reds. Oh, I didn't know that. So she got a black man too. Hey, that's what I was like black love man.
Wes:Look, black love for the win yeah, papoose and Remy ain't doing it.
DeLaw:no more, I'm just saying I'm not getting started on it. I'm not even getting started on it. Me and my wife had a conversation about it and I said I saw the most latest clip. Remy said was like I know what happens when you go on the inside, what happens on the outside. And the first thing I did when I got home is went through his phone and saw that he was messing with other shorties. I'm like well, I don't know how true that is, because as much as I want to believe that he was out here, ain't nobody come out and say nothing. Exactly, and just like I told my wife, I said think about when we were watching the first season of Godfather of Harlem, the, the first season of Godfather of Harlem, the one thing his wife said when she found out that he was cheating on her with the same girl that he was cheating on her with before he went in.
DeLaw:And then he saw the newspaper article where the guy kind of covered it up and he looked at each other and they glared at each other's eyes and eventually she cuts it off and I'm like look, you can't call her my husband's home. This is done. She said out of her mouth. I never once disrespected you out here in these streets and don't act like you ain't out here cheating Right now while I'm here. And he kind of looked at her and said, you know, it was kind of not like, you're right, and Remy just had to take that one chance. Ain't no reports come out that he was out there fucking around her? But all we know he was holding her down the whole time.
Wes:But to come out and start cheating Not even devil's advocate, but just one of those things I don't. A situation like that is hard. The fact that, if he was, and he was able to handle that shit and keep that shit, nah, but she said she was beating bitches' asses too, so I don't know.
DeLaw:Yeah, she was beating bitches' asses too. So I don't know. She was beating bitches' asses at the family, whatever, but ain't no proof of that either. It's one of those things I care, but I don't care. Yeah, it's one of those things. You went on the inside for being dumb, alright, and the rule is you make a stupid decision, you get stupid rewards. You went out there and did that dumb shit, didn't try to tamper with the evidence. You went and he held you down, came and saw you every week. So if he got him a little bit of side pussy here and there to hold him over until you got home, as long as he didn't come out in the media, you might as well shoot that shit under the rug. But you out here blatant with yours, like not even trying to hide it, you just ain't you married to Papoose? Oh yeah, well, no, I'm not fucking this dude here. They know you're fucking.
Wes:Yeah, don't nobody. That's why I don't really like we'll run ourselves ragged trying to understand the timelines of things and stuff like that. That'll never probably be revealed. It's one of those things where it's just like yo. It's somewhat entertaining to see on the internet, but I don't really be caring.
DeLaw:I don't really be caring because I'm just like y'all don't? I mean, that's all I'm going to say. Y'all don't. Y'all are too old to be playing this game. Y'all too old to be playing this game. To have and to hold nigga Do sickness and health.
Wes:my boy yeah.
DeLaw:You ain't going nowhere. Nigga, when she die, you ready to die?
Wes:When he die, you ready to die? I was telling you a little bit about what was uh, why I was late, and the funny thing about it is that, um, you can't plan this. It has, uh, it's somewhat related to the story that I was going to share today, wow. However, here's the crazy thing. Since this shit is so fresh, I ain't even going to talk about my experience and what just happened, because it was just at the end of the day. It was all a misunderstanding and everybody was wrong except me.
DeLaw:Well, you know, it's funny. That's why I said what I said. Yeah, you know, because even like sometimes, when I talk to my wife, you know cause you, even like sometimes I'll talk to my wife, and you know, there's just some things, when guys say it, even though it might make sense in our head, it ends up making sense in a lot of people's head, but in the moment it don't make sense. You know, I think I'm telling my wife yesterday, uh, yesterday or this morning, that you know, you know, and you know, we're going into a new phase. Right, I'm done with high school and it's that phase that, well, now you live here and now you need to contribute. Now me and my wife are group a little different, but we kind of have an understanding. I grew up up one way. She grew up another way.
Wes:What did she say? I would like to hear what she suggests. I kind of know where you're coming from.
DeLaw:So he's going to pay a fee to be here. It's not going to be nothing outrageous. You know, if he was going to college I would have told her, like, we ain't going to make him pay a fee, let him focus on doing what he needs to do to. You know, for school, you know what I mean, cause for me I wasn't charged a fee until I was done college, lucky you. Well, I was barely home.
DeLaw:Yeah, you know, I didn't have an apartment or not, like when I went to PG. I taught and went to PG and because I was in college, my parents were like all right, well, just keep focused on college, whatever, whatever. And when I got to four-year, they weren't really tripping about nothing because by the time I really got settled in at four-year at UMBC, I had met friends up there and I was pretty much going up there Sunday to Friday, so I'd be home Friday afternoon, saturday I'm leaving back up on Sunday, so they'd see me too tense. So they weren't necessarily checking for me, right, since I wasn't working and only going to college, my parents weren't necessarily bothered by it Because even, like during the summer, I would just go hang out up there Because I was like it would be for me to be home if I ain't working.
DeLaw:You know so, because I was like it would be for me to be home if I ain't working. You know so. It wasn't until I started working that I started actually coming home more often, yeah. And then that's when they were like, well, you got to pay a fee to stay here, because I'm pretty much graduated college at this point and everything else.
DeLaw:But she was like, you know, I'm going to pay a fee and how we planned it out was at first I was going to put it towards the Internet fee, and how we planned it out was at first I was going to put it towards the internet. But then I said, well, my plan is to get this house paid down as much as I can to at least a halfway point, because I know our house is worth more than what we brought it for. So if I can get it to the, let's see. We paid about $240. If I can get it down to $120,000 as quick as possible within the next eight to nine years.
DeLaw:I told my wife, I said we could really do a cash out refinance and we don't have to wait the whole 11 years Because once we mean you pay, the initial payment is 300 to go to the principal to lower the interest, so it'll move a little bit more right, and so she was out here. That's cool. And then we got into a different discussion of you know, once he starts paying, um, he's not gonna feel that he needs to take out the trash. I said that's a lie.
Wes:I mean how, like we, when you're living here, like, listen, I the the the easiest uh not solution, but the easiest thought process. So that is like I live here and I paid a mortgage and I still do things around the house. You live here. That's another side of you doing what you need to do to maintain where you live here. That's another side of you doing what you need to do to maintain where you live. That that's another part of being an adult, the main part, actually one of the main parts you know like it was.
DeLaw:it was a good discussion, like we kind of got whatever we wanted to say out. And you know, because she's like, well, you knock out she was. It was always about his, him and his friends coming over. I said I have no issues with his friends being over here, it's when they come over I don't want to walk into the house and there's 10 niggas in the house just chilling watching my TV and I got two of them. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
DeLaw:If he wants his friends to come over, hey, can I? Can they come over on a Saturday? Okay, clean your room, hang out in your room. Now, if we had a basement, it could be a little different. You know what I'm saying. Well, look, I'm going to have four of my friends over on Saturday. Okay, well, let me tell D-Law so that he knows you're going to be there, so he don't think he's going to go down in the basement and have whatever he's going to have to be upstairs. That'd be different. It'd of a little give and take.
DeLaw:I was like, well, you know, I have no issues with that, you know. But you know rules don't change. You know we're going to have to smoke outside. You know, hey, you want your friends to come over. You know everybody's going to have to hang out outside and we probably don't want nobody over here on the weekends when we get home from work. It's just the reality of it, even if you move into a room like D. When he moved into a room, he couldn't have no company in the house when he wasn't there and they pretty much almost went as far as saying you couldn't have any overnight company. It wasn't necessarily no overnight company. It was like if you're not here when you leave out in the morning and go to work, there should be nobody downstairs. There's still rules you have to follow, even if you find a cheap room, if you have an apartment, it's still rules have to follow, even if you find a cheap room.
DeLaw:So if you have an apartment, it's the rules. It's the rule right, can't have dogs. Right? It's like when we were living over across the parking lot we couldn't have no pets because the owner was like no, I don't want no pets in there. All right, we, there's still no smoking in the house. Like there's still rules you have to follow. Even though we are paying all this money doesn't mean that we can just do whatever we want. And so and I said that's just a conversation we're going to have to sit them down and say hey, look, I get it. You think that because you pay something means you have free reign, but here's the reality of it. You don't.
Wes:When we rent it over there, when your mom written a sever, or when the Laura or you know, there's still rules you have to follow to make sure you can keep the place when you're just renting and in this case you are a renter of a room upstairs and in the house that we pay for. All right, so there are rules. You have grown man privileges because you are not in your own house, so, no matter what it is, there's gonna be rules yeah, like, even if it's like there's no overnight company, well, why not?
DeLaw:because we don't want nobody randomly being in the household. Now it turns into, let's say, your little girlfriend come over and she's here for two, three days. Now we're using resources to cook her food and do all these other things. So if that's the case, you want overnight company. That's a different fee. You know what I'm saying, but that's a different fee. You know what I'm saying, but that's a different conversation. That's a me her him conversation where we'll sit down and we got to talk like, look, this is what it is, I get it. You think you're supposed to have this, but no, living at home with your parents is supposed to be uncomfortable, to push you out.
Wes:Is that true?
DeLaw:Yes, do you believe that?
Wes:I believe that, I believe because Do you believe in making it uncomfortable, or it's supposed to be uncomfortable?
DeLaw:It's supposed to be uncomfortable, like everything that you All the privileges you want to get for being an adult get by moving out on your own. So my parents didn't make it uncomfortable. My parents just said if you want company, let us know ahead of time. We'll let you know. If anyone can come by, okay, or you can go to their house. We don't care when you come home or if you come home, but after a certain time all doors are locked, so you're better off staying out the house. It's one of those things where we're not going to treat you like a child.
DeLaw:But at this point, pretty much how my stepfather said it is, my job now is to protect your mother from all intruders. If you roll up in this house and I don't know you coming, I'm coming down with a pistol to make sure who it is. It's behind my back first, to make sure that you're not an intruder. If you are, you're about to catch these shots. It's one of those things. It's nothing personal. It's not us trying to be an asshole or him trying to be an asshole, it's just the fact that you're an adult. We know that, we understand that.
DeLaw:But just know there's still rules If you come into this house under this house, because the names on there say my mom and dad. These are the rules you have to follow, regardless of whether or not you pay anything here. The name on that mortgage says Mr and Mrs Smith. It don't say you. When we decided to go and sell this house, because you done fucked up your room, because you felt like you should be able to do whatever you want to do. Now we lose money on the back end because of your negligence. That's why we have to put these rules in place, so you have to maintain this type of status, no matter what. It has to be a standard.
Wes:I was always not always but I do kind of agree that living with your parents as an adult is supposed to be uncomfortable, but not, uh, probably not in the way that you think I'm probably about to say. I feel like it's supposed to be uncomfortable because you should be growing into your own and you want to uh get your own much. Yeah, not necessarily. Yeah, yes, definitely get your own, but you kind of want to uh figure out who you're going to be as an adult and most times it's not going to align with how your parents want you to live and how your parents are. So there's always going to be some clashing, whether that's just you know, very common disagreements, or even just like very stark disagreements where it's just like yo, you being crazy, type shit.
Wes:Whether it's the like my mom had this thing, where it was just like she wanted me home at a certain time just because she couldn't. She felt like she couldn't sleep, or this, this and that, like stuff like that, and I understand that she also wanted me to pay for all my stuff inside the house but also give her money, but also knew that I wasn't uh, yeah, so it's just kind of like I can't do all these things and it made it like where it was, like my situation, better. If I move out because I'm getting, I can save a little bit of this money and pay for everything it's, but it's exactly what your mom was supposed to do.
DeLaw:You're not supposed to make it purposely uncomfortable, but it's almost supposed to be like a okay, we still are here. I'm going to treat you a little bit differently, but you're still going to be my child and I'm still going to treat you as such until you're gone.
Wes:Yeah, I guess I would um me personally when I, if and when I get to that that stage, it wouldn't be so much of a um, this is what you need to be paying me, and this, this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's going to be one of those things where it's like, okay, now it's time to make your own decisions as an adult. So our house, I would hope, would be like a big sandbox, like you're going to try some things, you're going to fuck up some things, but you're in the protection of this house. Just know, if you was out there, you would have been fucked over so many times, but you're in the protection of this house. I don't think I, you know, I'm not. It might be some food here for you. You might have to figure that out as an adult.
DeLaw:Well, here's the kicker I wasn't the one who said that he was going to pay. She was, she was. That wasn't me. That never even crossed my mind to have him pay to stay here because, like I said, I wasn't forced to pay anything. But also, me and him are under different circumstances. I was already teaching, I was going to college, I was doing things that my parents said okay, you're going to be building a future for yourself and so we don't want to impede that where you feel like you have to do more working than study.
Wes:Yeah. So when I think about the payment thing because I went through a listen, I went through that situation when I first got my first job my mom was like, well, you gotta blah, blah, blah, blah. And I, I didn't always agree with it. I never agree with it, actually. Now, I didn't always. I never agree with it.
Wes:However, um, I kind of feel like as an uh, to try to teach your children. Yeah, there should be something, right? I don't know if it's rent, I think it should be something because at the same time, we're older, right, we know so much about finance. We know more about finances than we did when we were younger. We know that we can get our children or our nephews or whoever started early. They can literally retire at 50 if they're doing the right thing right now. We also some of us come from, uh, a place of not so much privilege, like our parents might have been doing good and this, this and that, or they might have took some time for them to start doing good, like in their 40s, 50s and shit yeah it's one of those things where it's like you might, they don't, they don't, some of them don't have the, uh, the ability to give us the, the leg up, like in other cultures.
Wes:Like in other cultures, you might start off with 10,000 that they, they, you know, they, they putting into you and other and our, and predominantly in our, culture. It's like you're starting off with negative blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta do so to get to. You gotta do so much to get to step one. Um, so it's tricky. I don't if I, if I do, ask them to pay, they will pay something. Um, I don't think it'll be rent and also don't think it'll be, uh, something crazy. Um, because I need them to understand the constant. You know you still want to be teaching them and got stuff Right now. I don't know what that would be. I don't know if it'll be called rent, if you get what I mean.
DeLaw:It'll be rent, it's called. In this case it's called rent. The only reason she's calling it rent is because that's the only name you really have for when you're paying people who own something money.
Wes:My only issue with giving him a bill, you're paying a percentage towards the bills. So let's just say if you're giving me two hundred dollars, you're whatever. Let's just say 0.2, not 2.2, but two percent is going towards this. This isn't that like. This is what you're taking up in this house and if you want more money for yourself, you legally and legitimately figure out. But hopefully that's a getting a job and putting money. It's not. We're going to allow you to operate as an adult but uh, the percentages that me and your mom would pay it's not going to be as much. Like your parents right us as adults, we got to pay what we got to pay.
DeLaw:If we got this much money.
Wes:If we got this much money if we got to go to the mortgage, then $1,500 got to go to the mortgage. When you live in here, your quote-unquote mortgage may be $3 or $4, but you need to understand that concept of your monthly totals goes towards something else. But I'm going to make sure while you're living here your money is where it needs to go. You don't have free range of your money. I guess that's going to be my thing. You don't have free range of your money. When you're here, you're doing nothing but irresponsible things and whatever you got left over, make it happen, do whatever you want to do. If you want to spend it on some jays, you want to spend it on some. I ain't going to say some weed because I ain't promoting it, but if that's what, you're doing, I mean you get the gist of it.
Wes:But you want to do that responsible stuff first. That means putting you know we're off IRA. That means putting money in this, this and that, even if it's $5. You're doing that shit first.
DeLaw:Because I even told her. I said point now where? So I just got my wife on my phone plan, so my wife is only paying like 30 a month to me, and then the netflix also comes through it too. So instead of us paying 27 a month, she's paying 18 a month. So she's just giving me 48 a month to cover her part of phone bill and the netflix and I cover the rest of. I didn't tell her that her real portion of the phone bill was $65,000. I said I already pay $100,000 in this amount anyway, so I'll just keep paying that. Just give me the extra $48,000.
DeLaw:You saved yourself some money to put towards something else. And that's kind of the same concept that I'm always trying to instill in him. It's not about what you. It's always going to be about what you can budget to do. So if we tell you it's $150, if you're like well, man, this phone bill is $100, some odd dollars, and I say, well, look, that's not the phone bill for you, mark. Hey, look, if you want to come over to my phone plan, you're just going to have to send me $65 a month, however you break that down. It's however you break it down. But it's one of those things, like I'm not trying to handicap them, I mean I've even offered to my wife. I said, look, I can put you and him on my phone bill Back when the business was making a lot of money.
DeLaw:And that's what I said. The business was making a lot of money and I told her. I said, if the business gets to a point where we're making just a lot of money and I got enough money to cover the phone bill, I would even tell you hey, don't even worry about it, it's covered. Thank everyone, thank everybody that needs to do possibly help me write a newsletter. So everybody think you know what I'm saying. If you want to contribute to it, you know, once the business starts really rolling and all that, just do that for me. That's easy, that's easy money. You know what I'm saying. So I could always add him to it for $65,000. I wouldn't cover his because, you know, at this point now you're about to be 18 year man, so all the only thing my responsibility is to do now is reduce costs.
DeLaw:Yeah, so if just like, uh, how my parents, when I, when me and my wife got married, um, my insurance was still covered by my parents on my car because I still had my ultimate. Now, it wasn't that I, it wasn't like something, oh well, you know, but it was. The car was under their name, the car was just in my possession, my car, my name wasn't on the insurance or nothing, but the car was insured by there. So they still pay the insurance on the car Once I got my car I got. Now, I, me and me and my wife, we covered that. So that came off their bill.
DeLaw:But you know what you know, you still kind of give grace to your children, even though they're getting older, based on just what you know, the circumstances are and that's what you know as a parent. That I've been trying to do is all right. Well, babe, I can cover this for you and this and we can reduce this for you. Do you want to do it? Oh no, I want to do it. I said, okay, cool, mind you, she didn't want to come over to T-Mobile for the longest, for the longest she didn't want to come over.
Wes:For what?
DeLaw:Oh, you know the bills are too much and you pay a hundred some odd dollars. I said yeah, because I got insurance on my phone. I have a watch and my phone plan.
Wes:All the phone plans are pretty much damn near the same.
DeLaw:Yeah, and so I just took the insurance off my phone because I'm like I didn't have all these phones for God knows how long and ain't nothing happened to them. The current phone I do have. At one point the screen stopped coming on for a quick four minutes. It scared the shit out of me and they ordered a phone for me to be sent to a t-mobile, a local t-mobile store. And then the phone popped back on. I was like, oh lord, lord. I was like, oh god, but it's just one of those things I'm like you know, if you take good care of your phone, I take good care of my phone.
DeLaw:I got my wife all this. Like, look, what's 30 you're paying? You're paying 55 to be with boost mobile by t-mobile. Why not just give me 30? Right, give me 30, you save yourself 20. Give me another, give me another 18 and you need you save 11 on netflix or nine dollars on netflix. Like, like, let me, let me leave, let me leave you as the head of the table of our house, right To save money for you. You know what I'm saying, like a lot of times I think, for for me and my wife and I think for a lot of married couples is. A lot of times. Women have so many bad experiences with men. They find it hard for a man who will, who will think things through and say, okay, look, that's what we're going to do because it's going to save us money. They have a hard time following because they've had so many experience with them. People not following through.
Wes:I don't really have that situation. She don't have that mindset at all. She was, we was just talking and she was like, uh, she saw this thing on tiktok or something. I was like I'm uh, I'm a husband's girl, like, whatever my husband say, whatever my husband say, go away. He always leave you the right direction.
Wes:I was like I've never heard that term because I don't know instagram and shit like that but my wife ain't really. Uh, my wife has had experience where she's been with guys that ain't that weren't good with their money and stuff like that, where she saw them blowing it, but it ain't never really affect her in general. And at the same time, when me and my wife got together, I kind of put uh some structure into her finances and stuff like that. Not that I'm uh paying overly, paying for everything, but she's seeing how I move and it's not. It's not about how much you make, it's about being disciplined on what the money you do make, right, you see that sometimes like you don't need a lot of money to do certain things, but uh, apparently right now you need to do need a lot of money grocery shopping and that's.
DeLaw:That's a whole, nother situation she went, she said she brought eggs yesterday and I was like, well, how much? She's like a dollar. So I was like what? And I said I? I said I went to Trader Joe's. I got mine for $3.99. I'm like, come on, I see the prices going up slowly and Trader Joe's the one in Columbia. What they've been doing is you only can get one dozen, you can't get 18. You can't get 18. You can't take two packs of eggs. It's literally one per person.
Wes:Yeah, that's how they cut down on the price.
DeLaw:Which is good, which is smart, because at this point, when we were in Florida, I got six eggs twice, because we were down there for enough days that I needed to get eggs two times and both time eggs cost me $3. Because we were down there for enough days that I needed to get eggs two times and both time eggs cost me $3 for six eggs. And I'm like yo, this is fucking crazy. I might as well have brought a dozen.
Wes:Gone are those good days where eggs was like the max you'll pay is like $2.40. $2.40.
DeLaw:And look and up until about last month I was only paying like $2.79 for a dozen eggs from Trader Joe's. Today was the first time that I paid $3.99, because I got brown eggs for $3.29 two weeks ago from Trader Joe's and today I got large white eggs for $3.99. Now some of their eggs were like $5, so their prices are going up. I got large white eggs for $3.99. Now some of their eggs were like $5, so their price is going up. But they are trying their hardest to keep egg prices down.
Wes:Yeah, I mean it'll come around. A lot of it is because of the bird flu shit, so I don't know if that has been how can I put it? Contained a little bit, but of course a lot of it is inflation and shit.
DeLaw:I would even take him, put our kid putting money towards groceries. Alright, well, give me, you know, get $150 to your mother. Let your mother put it towards groceries, yeah, or towards, or.
Wes:We just put it in a the tricky thing with that is, um, because I've been in a situation because you ain't have, you ain't never had to pay, I had to pay. The tricky situation is and I'm putting myself in his shoes during that time that I was, uh, that age. Is that um me not feeling like, um, I'm one, I'm doing it for nothing. Two, I'm doing it just so you can use my money.
Wes:And my mom did not do a good job of making me feel that way, because I never seen where it was going and I was buying my own food. She made me like. She was like like one time, you know, like how you buy a case of water and stuff, I might have drunk like two or three bottles within or whatever, whatever. She was like you're drinking too much water, you won't have to buy your own case. And I'm like what the fuck? I'm giving you money? Now I got to do all this other stuff too, so now it became like I'm living on my own in a house and giving, yeah, but listen, I'm making maybe $200 a check or $300 a check. So how much could I afford to pay?
Wes:I mean you know, that's why I'm saying there has to be some balance, because or else he's going to start resenting the situation and resenting y'all.
DeLaw:I hear what you're saying and it sounds good, but it's one of them things there's different boundaries for his mindset there's different boundaries between me and him, me and her and them too. Oh, I know that, you know they don't. They don't have no boundaries with each other. Oh so well, outside looking at, yeah, they don't look like there's a boundary, but there isn't like a boundary like with me and them too.
DeLaw:Yeah, I got you because there's a boundary, but there isn't like a boundary like with me, because there's some things like nah, we ain't doing that, and if he, I can see it now, alright. Well, we don't have enough food. Why give you $150 for food? Why we ain't got no food in here? I can hear that and see that coming out his mouth and me looking at him like but you're also going to be well.
Wes:I gave you $300. There ain't no food either way. You're looking at the same thing or not, because 300.
DeLaw:She already told him off the fact 300 a month. Now you know that's 150. A check is going to the mortgage.
Wes:She already told us. I see what you're saying, so it's kind of like everything else is going to stay the same. Just know that this is what we're saying is going towards and shouldn't be no issues from there. If you want more food, you're going to have to figure that out. If you want new drawers, you might have to figure that out. Want some shoes? You won't have to figure that out.
DeLaw:If you ran out of oodles and noodles that your mother brought you, you won't have to figure it out what's the initial thing that we provided for you was gone.
Wes:Mortgage is the best way to go about this.
DeLaw:This goes towards the mortgage. You're absolutely right. You know, once, once, whatever snacks that your mother brought you off the back is gone.
Wes:Don't look over in the cabinet that me and your mother had, because that was the other issue.
DeLaw:That's the other issue me and her had the other day was. I was like you know, you guys don't have no boundaries In his head. That's your cabinet. So if you took something out of his cabinet, he's taking something out of yours. He don't give a shit who it is, but at the end of the day, I'm the only one here. Hey, babe, is this yours? Oh no, that's his. Okay, cool, do you want it? Nope, you said it's his, I ain't buying it.
Wes:It's his like, that's not me there's a boundary of.
DeLaw:If I know I didn't pay for it, I'm going to ask whose it is before I even attempt to try and eat it, and that's not the boundary that you guys have with each other. So, like him coming into the bedroom and taking your stuff, or coming into the bedroom for whatever reason, take Q-tips to clean his ears Like nigga, just buy some goddamn Q-tips. If you make enough money, go do it. And I keep trying. I always try to explain to y'all. This is horrible.
Wes:Don't y'all got a community space for those types of things though?
DeLaw:No, so I provide, I buy all the toilet paper and paper towels. So if he does need paper towels or toilet paper or whatever, then yes, he does have to come in and get some toilet paper, or his mother might go in there and look and put something in there. Oh, he has his own bathroom. He has his own bathroom. I got you, I just buy the toilet paper. Oh, he has his own bathroom, he has his own bathroom. I got you. You know what I'm saying. I just buy the toilet paper as a hope. Yeah, I got you, you know, as a hope. But if we're being honest, I don't think this little nigga like his ass anymore. Oh, my gosh man, look, look, look, hit me up, hit me up, hit me up, hit me up, hit me up. We'll put three rolls in his bathroom today. He might still have two and a half rolls in a month and a half.
Wes:How do you know he ain't taking this shit somewhere else?
DeLaw:I'm just saying Most of my shits are at the house because I'm that regular that way that I got to take a shit in the morning. Look, we done gave him liquid soap to refill his soap thing, where, if we got refills down here, he still has the same amount of soap. That I saw when we, when the pledgers came and cleaned his back from a month ago. I'm like nigga, are you washing your hands?
Wes:Like what you? You got another whole situation on your hands.
DeLaw:It's one of those things and I know, even though mom has initiated all this, it's always going to be frowned upon me as a stepdad to say, okay, well, this is how I expect this to be, because then it comes off being harsh, because now it's like well, that's my baby, why would we do that? Well, you want him to be living here forever.
Wes:I'm going to tell you like this, it ain't even a stepdad situation. Sometimes that could be your biological son and the mother would act that way, even though, like, the stepdad situation is very, very tricky as far as, like, the dynamics between you know, the relationship between the, you know, uh, your wife, the wife and the child themselves is very, very unique, very, very challenging sometimes. But listen, I have friends who they're what it's their son is biologically as well, and or daughter biologically as well, and they just act that way, like can't nobody tell them what their kids should do other than them, even though it's not only their kid, but still expect you to do all the grimy, dirty work when they don't want to do it or, you know, pay for everything. It's like yo, I gotta have some say so, it is my child.
DeLaw:I mean, I look at it when it boils down to it that I get it. You're going to always pick your child over me. I get it. I get it that you know as much as they're. Oh no, your wife finds you to be. You're very important in your wife's life, I said. But unlike some of these old schoolers or what it says, I'm not my wife's most important thing. I might be in the top 10 no, I won't say top 10 man.
DeLaw:She married you hey look, she married me, but that doesn't mean I'm top 5, I can name all five people.
Wes:I will hope to see, even though this is still bad. I will hope top five and not top ten, because I understand the nature of the situation.
DeLaw:I can guarantee you, even if I was to round off who I felt was more important and, mind you, I'm not saying I'm not bringing this up.
Wes:Have y'all ever discussed that?
DeLaw:Yeah, I've discussed it with her and she's like it's just tripping, Okay.
Wes:But in my thing is like, let our woman say some shit like that to us, we gotta take that shit serious. We face on remotely close to that. You're tripping, you're tripping, yeah, you're tripping. Walks off sandwich and shit. And I'm like yo, I was coming to you and your phone will say how I feel about this situation and I'm tripping, but I can't see you crazy and that's the biggest issue I've ever always had.
DeLaw:Like me and the wife, it seems like if you say it, I got to listen to it. Well, I'm telling you this because if I just one day up and roll out and pack my stuff and leave you, I don't want you to be surprised. So in my head I'm like so what if I just say it, if I don't feel like I'm important to you, I'm just up and leave because clearly you don't want me here.
Wes:And the crazy thing is yours is. I mean, I don't know what she's discussed with you, but the whole, the whole thought of a man feeling like he's not valued or important. I'm not gonna say it trumps whatever a woman is feeling, but it hits us. I would say it hits us harder when we're supposed to be the providers and the protectors and stuff like that. So basically you're saying I ain't really doing much of nothing, you don't see anything in me to respect or hold me high, in high regard. Feels crazy, yeah.
DeLaw:It do feel crazy because last week when we talked and I told her, I said you know, I just want to be appreciated, important and felt like you know, I just want to be appreciated, important and felt like you know that I'm worth something here.
Wes:You got some say-so in this house.
DeLaw:Right, I said because what it always seems like because you know there's always the complaint of that I'm making people feel uncomfortable in this house, or I'm making her son feel uncomfortable in the house and he can't do this or eat this house, or I'm making her son feel uncomfortable in the house and he can't do this or eat this. I'm like it's never been that. I feel like you're in competition with him. I said, well, no, I'm not in competition with him, but you also have to understand that this little nigga thinks he's your husband. He thinks that you're supposed to be what he wants you to do. And then, as soon as I say something like hey, baby, well, I can't get no rest, I keep asking about shit. But you just took the little nigga wherever he wanted to go, and I'm just like hey, this, this and this, oh man, I can't get no rest. Like he asked me to do this. I'm like so I get the.
Wes:I get the backseat of everything. You get the backseat of everything. You get the backseat of everything where he still gets his knees met while she pushes through. But you're like, yo do a little pushing through for me and it's just like I ain't doing it.
DeLaw:Right, like you'll run out and go visit your sister, you'll run out and go visit your aunt and uncle. And if I'm like, hey, babe, you want to like, let's say you invite me out to go to Wes's place for 4th of July or whatever, I mean, do I have to? Well, I would like you to my brother. He invited us over. My brother's never met my wife. He didn't come to the reception. He had an ear infection. He's, like you know, tell your wife y'all got to come through one time and come hang out. I said, yeah, he wants us to come. It's like, well, even though some people are like, well, that's not her not showing up for it. But if I want you to meet my brother, my brother that's not by my mother, he's by my father. To me that's important because you said you value family.
Wes:I got a question for you because I don't. I, I personally don't do this. Uh, I don't think I ever have, but uh, I think my mom, I brought it to my attention of somebody else, maybe one of my own girls. Like when we be saying this to our wives, right, sometimes I don't say not. Sometimes, a lot of times, I don't say yo, this is going to be really important. I don't say it with an urgency and a tone that she understands. You better not say no, yo, this is really important to me, this means a lot. You're my wife, he needs to, I need to. Whatever, whatever, whatever. She'll still say no because I haven't tried this yet.
DeLaw:That's a whole different conversation. Remember the conversation when I asked her to take the cat to and I was like you know, are you free that day If I pay for everything?
Wes:can you? No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is her understanding like above anything. I'm not giving you a way to wiggle out this above anything. I'm not giving you a way to wiggle out.
DeLaw:This is important. I need you to do this.
Wes:You do that, cause I don't do that and I probably should.
DeLaw:It looked one in the same. I can say that and I think, like the same response I told you she gave me for the cat, do you not know? I mean, I'm tired and this is initial. Give me that a whole run now whether it's. But he really wants to meet you. I really want you to come meet my brother, you know, cause he is family.
Wes:You've got nieces and nephews. You just say no and not say like another date or something, nope, just.
DeLaw:I mean, do I have to? Well, you know why don't you just go? And you know you should be spending more time with your family anyway, Like it's always this uh uh, uh. So I'm like, okay, cool, that's why that's what frustrated me about the whole thing with the cat like so he's your cat too, I'm paying for everything. All I need you to do is take them. Like, if you can't, say you can't, and remember I told you she she didn't say she couldn't, she just wants you give a whole long drawn out thing about how did I consider her time and things she needs to do and everything else.
Wes:See, the thing is not considering her time and saying that's what you're going to do. I'm asking you if you can. This is considering your time, because this is the time to say I can't at this time, can we do it tomorrow? And I can say you know what? This can wait till tomorrow at 2 pm. If you got the time tomorrow at 2 pm, let's do it Like it takes a. You know what I mean Back and forth communication type thing.
DeLaw:At the end of the day, top 10 important things are a lot. You know I'm not for divorces. I'll work through it and everything else. But like, if, if she going to be like where do you think you fall on my importance list and I would tell her, but you already told her though. Yeah, well, she asked specifically where do I think I fall on her importance list? I just was emphasizing, when we were having our Sunday discussion, that I don't Every Sunday, every Sunday 3 o. You know Y'all have a Sunday discussion.
Wes:Yeah, every Sunday, every Sunday 3 o'clock, yeah my wife Because we be doing a trail together now. So I always tend to be like at Saturday mornings and shit, we just be talking about anything and everything as we walk in.
DeLaw:Yeah, like our Sunday discussion starts at 4. And we talk and we, you know, we have a book that guides us through it, most specific things, and I told her. I said I just want to, I just want to know that I'm important to you and that I'm appreciated and that you know. And then a lot and mind you for that whole session. I think I put them all five times of importance, importance, appreciated importance. Sometimes I don't feel that I'm important to you. I feel like you, you value everything you need done, but never once think like well, how was my husband feel about you? Like, yeah, like you. Like, even, like for family, like gathering, well, I mean, I don't really want to go. You need to go so that you can hang out with your family, because they always want you to come. Why am I going to an event where they invited me and you and your child to go by myself, for them to ask me a hundred times why is not your wife and son?
Wes:here. She don't like going to family functions.
DeLaw:No, she don't, but it'd be for other reasons. Nothing against them, but it'd be for other reasons. Nothing against them. It'd be something that I might have did that day. And she'd be like you know what. Let's say, I pissed her off by not washing something. You know what I done, told you this All right, whatever, you know what. And she'll go upstairs, she'll be mad, she'll come down and just so you know, I'm not going to eat dinner at your mom's house, so you can go, have fun. You need to spend time with them. And I'll tell her I ain't going if you ain't going.
Wes:That's a cop out man. I ain't gonna lie to you.
DeLaw:If you ain't going, I ain't going. Why am I going to go to Aunt Kim's house? That's where we're going. We're a family, we're a unit. If If you go on to our camp house, I'm going with you.
Wes:If we stay at home and cook, but I don't know if you're saying what you're saying. Y'all went to our camp house.
DeLaw:No, she's in my mother's house.
Wes:Oh, never mind, Then you see him with her.
DeLaw:Yeah, okay, because what happened was she was like oh okay, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. I said, okay, cool. She was like I said, well, I gotta go pick up Thurston and I'm like my cousin and I'll meet you there. So I called her like where you at, I ain't coming. Oh, okay, Well, bring me home some cake. No, you ain't gonna bring me home. No, if you want some food, bring your ass here and come get it. I no, I'm not bringing shit home. I'm not bringing no plate home for you. No, nothing, because you said you was coming. So I'm here and come. I don't want to. Okay, I'll get a call probably 10 minutes later. I'll run away, okay.
Wes:Yo y'all are. Why y'all so petty with each other, man? That's a good question.
DeLaw:Because I just don don't understand. Y'all don't even have real problems.
Wes:We really don't have any real problems, it's just because it's kind of like well, I gotta go through all this just for you to be over here anyway, and why would you say I ain't going because I ain't washed the dishes that was?
DeLaw:just an example. I think it was something a lot deeper than that. It had something that I really pissed her off with. I get it and her way. I think my wife hasn't figured it out.
Wes:My question is is it always like when a family this is me outside looking when family functions come about? Is there always a she does? She always find a way to get out of going no, like.
DeLaw:It's like like right now we're slated to go to Myrtle Beach. So let's say, something happens and she's real pissed off at me and he's close to that trip, or whatever she might say. You know what? I ain't going to Myrtle Beach with y'all, i'm'm going to stay at home, I'm going to figure out my own fucking trip, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Wes:Okay, so she's just saying shit out of anger, basically.
DeLaw:Yeah, that's how it comes off, and what my wife doesn't understand is that, first off, I ain't even want to go to the goddamn trip anyway.
Wes:My wife does the same thing. Sometimes. I'm like yo, because here's the thing as, as husbands, as men, we don't want to go through the process of you fuck which when you will, when you change your mind. I don't want to go through the process of like well, she ain't going. Let me finalize that she ain't going just for her to be like well, why would you do that and this, this and that? Now I'm going through all this, fuck shit, I, I. The same thing happens to me when she's mad why ain't doing this? No more, why ain't going? I don't want to do this. And I'm like, oh, you're hurting yourself. Like deal with your feelings, please do, and we'll revisit this, but don't do something that's going to be definite and finite. You know what I mean.
DeLaw:You know what? Because you're like, well, you need to go with your family, you need to go. You and in my head, first off I ain't even going the damn trip to begin with. Or I ain't gonna go to my mom's house for east anyway, because I'm like, oh, we could do some shit here. Yeah, we're going. You know she's like we're already going because you and in my head I'm like, nigga, we only going because of you. Because if I had a choice, I told mom you know, we're not gonna, we're gonna just cook at home like we got busy we coming up. I'd have made something up if we stayed home. I don't want your mom to think that I was the reason for you not coming. Why would my mom think that? My mom already knows that I don't really like doing shit If you don't revolve around drinking or sports or video games, she knows I ain't really into doing it and I think for you I'll go out and do whatever you want me to do because you're my wife.
Wes:I need that same respect All right, I'm the same way with that. It's like yo. Sometimes us as men, we so conditioned to like yo, your wife gonna have you doing some fucking goofy ass shit out here, shit that you don't really want to do, but you do it because you love her and it might lead to some respect and some pussy at the end of the day.
DeLaw:I don't even do all that, I always bring it in. I guess it's just the petty side of it. She'd be like oh, can you go pick up the food? Why am I picking up the food? Well, because I don't feel like going. I said I order our food all the time. I go pick it up. And you made a whole argument about how I ordered cat litter from Petco and you told me oh yeah, no, no, I'll go pick it up, I'll go pick it up, I'll go pick it up. And then it turned around you call me, I'm pulling up in the driveway, not in the driveway in the parking lot. And you told can you go pick up the cat litter? They told you the cat litter was ready at 8 o'clock.
DeLaw:You had all day to go get that damn cat litter. Why am I going to go get cat litter when you've been home all day? I looked at the ring camera. You ain't left the house all damn day, I said, and I told her. I said I always go pick up stuff that I own. I said, well, what are we doing? She's like if you order it, you gotta go get it.
Wes:Yo, this is one of those situations where it's not really even a problem. It's just. I don't understand what y'all talking about.
DeLaw:My argument was if you weren't going to go pick it up, I would have had it delivered. That was my argument.
Wes:Yeah, which is a good fucking argument, but it's also one of those things like yo uh, everybody needs to have some accountability in this fucking relationship. If you don't feel like if you, if you don't feel like doing it now, then you should have got it ordered, so down the accountable part is or. What you now have to do is go get it, because I just came home from work. I'm about to go back out when I have my. Oh, you get home, you get close to home. You got your heart set on taking off your pants doing this. It might be a cold beer in a refrigerator waiting on you.
DeLaw:Drinking your vodka.
Wes:Exactly, you're delaying me from you being lazy. That's mean, and you only have to drive. I'm a weird type of guy because you do everything in the house now.
DeLaw:And you only have to drive seven minutes, if that, to get the cab.
Wes:And I've been driving.
DeLaw:I've been driving 30, 40 minutes both ways and I told her. I said, even if you leave it in the trunk, I'll get it out. I'll get it out and bring it up the stairs Just to go out my way to go get it To me. I'm like, come on, I'm a big believer. If they say you need to put $35 on that shit to get a free delivery, I will spend $35 fucking dollars.
Wes:You need a new toy. You don't need a new toy.
DeLaw:I done brought packs of noodles. I'm like damn it's at $34.20. Fuck, what can I buy for a dollar and some?
Wes:change. Listen, I feel you that $35 won't get spent. I feel you.
DeLaw:Don't bully me. If PESCO was like you know, you get free shipping if you spend $30, I would have spent $30 and got free shipping on the motherfucking and had that shit shipped right here to the house and you wouldn't have had to leave the door. You could have told the kid to go out and go pick it up and bring it up. But you know, and I'm like, can you go get the food? Why? Why am I getting food? I said you ordered it. I'll ride with you and go in there and get it for you, but I don't want to drive. You've been home all day, want to drive. You've been home all day. You ain't drove nowhere all day. I done drove back and forth to work, did all this other stuff, and you want me to go and pick up food that you ordered because you didn't want to cook. Huh, I'll ride with you, I'll go in and go get it. Yeah, but no, we don't have issues.
Wes:No, I don't my wife be pulling the same type of stuff. When it comes, the same thing. Like I get home like oh, I ordered blah, blah, blah, I was about to leave out, can you go get it. I'm like, no, I gotta take a shit. Like nah, I'm not going out to go do that.
Wes:And a part of me thinks is, you know, like your wife kind of got that. Of course you got that soft spot in your, in your heart. But I'm like don't play that, don't play that too much, because I'm going to say no to everything Because you're you're what is the word? You're taking that for granted. Like yes, I'm your husband, I want to do whatever I can do to make you comfortable and love and stuff like that. But when it becomes egregious and outrageous, where it seems like you're taking advantage of that, my defenses kick up and I'm like you're going to get an asshole part of me and it's always going to be a no. Like you're going to get something slicked back like you should have did yourself while you've been lazy. Like that's what you're going to get if you continue to have that type of behavior.
DeLaw:Because shoot even like the day she said she's going to go out and grill. She's going to go out and grill. I'm like all right, cool, whatever she's like. Well, yeah, can you start the griller flow? Okay, that's fine.
Wes:I can do that all day. I ain't watching the meat soon that motherfucker.
DeLaw:Normally if I'm going to grill, I would I turn on low. I come record. You know. I already know we're going to record for an hour or two hours. I already know, before I record, turn that chicken, put it on low, low and let it just cook, cook. You know what I'm saying. And she was like can you start the grill for me? It's like wait, you're not going to go and like take it over for me if I get started on the chicken now.
Wes:And he said that's the purpose of alcohol grill. Not you going to poke it for a little bit and flip some things. You need to be out there from A to Z, beginning to end.
DeLaw:I said good luck. Yeah, I mean you start doing it.
Wes:Your wife will try to play you. My wife will do the. Your wife you try to play you. My wife you the same type of shit, though try to play. Like I don't feel like doing this shit, no more. I'm like, nah, this is just. These, certain things I don't even agree to because I already know how she will be, and I'm just like, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna allow you to upset me, because I already know how this won't play out because it was, it was my thing.
DeLaw:What I was originally going to do is because she was only going to grill chicken and I was like you know, at the end of the day I'll prep the corn. And I was like I'm going to get some hamburgers, I'm going to put some on there too. And then I was like if I do that, then it turns into that I'm grilling.
Wes:I'm like, nah, I ain't doing that shit Because I ain't grilling she tried to get you she tried to get you, she tried, she tried it, she tried it maybe subconsciously throw some fish on that motherfucker and some other shit, and they she tried it.
DeLaw:What she? Oh, I get it, you know you. But like she, she explicitly said. I said, okay, she was like oh well, you know, I don't do these particular things because those are men jobs, oh, I mean what? So I she was like well, you know, I always feel like I gotta do everything myself. I said, well, you don't change the return of your interest, you don't go outside the house and pull the lint out of the room and on the outside, you know. You know, because you know the heat hasn't come out of the house, so there, the lint out of the little gut on the outside. You know, because you know the heat hasn't come out of the house, so there's lint that gets trapped in the little lint trap on the outside of the house. That's why you don't go out there and do that. You don't. You don't wash and clean Leo's water fountain.
Wes:Yo, I think I might have said this to you before, do you? Uh and I said I think I said on this podcast too do you think that when y'all got married that she had a perception of how the marriage was gonna go? Like she wasn't, she wasn't gonna be doing nothing. Somehow, some way she felt that you know what I mean? There's still the kid involved, there's still domestic stuff that you got to do, like cleaning up certain things, and whatever, whatever, whatever. It's not going to disappear.
DeLaw:I think what happened was when she got married, she took the 15 years she spent with her son's father and she threw it into our relationship and said that I'm not going to do the same years she spent with her son's father and she threw it into our relationship and said that I'm not going to do the same shit I did with this nigga for 15 years so what you are, you just shouldn't have to do as much.
Wes:Does that make sense?
DeLaw:apparently she did everything she cooked, she cleaned, she fucked, she shut up. She did all of them. Yeah, but you? But you get what I'm saying, see. So she did all that for a nigga that didn't appreciate her and everything else was abusive and everything else. So now she gets into a relationship with me, she's bringing all that with her, like, well, this is what this thing so it's like you bringing in a whole bag of this is what this nigga did to me, and if you do any of these things, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna and I'm going to leave you.
DeLaw:It's like how do I get lumped into the fact that you decided to deal with that stupidity for 10 years? Yeah, I know, I didn't. I ain't ever hit you. I cook, I go outside and grill. I try to do everything to make your life easier. I try to reduce your finances, not increase them. I feel like I do everything around. Like the thing with the painting the other day we were, uh, so we got a contract to come to the paint. The painters painted the stuff and they still missed some spots and she wanted to go and do it herself. I said, and when the guys left the same day, I said take a picture of everything that's wrong, send it to the guy and tell him that you come and fix it. Yesterday she was like well, I find it strange how I'm about to sit here and wipe this stuff down, all this paint on the stuff, and you're not even trying to help to figure out what we need to do. I said I've already told you to call these motherfuckers to come back and fix it.
Wes:Why are we fixing their job?
DeLaw:Right, we're fixing their job and all we got to do is have them do their job Like why, why no? To me it makes no sense If I pay Wes to DJ my party and he.
Wes:I'm up there on the turntables and he eating chicken. What's going on?
DeLaw:Like, if I'm just like, just like, alright, well, he leaves 30 minutes early and the job ain't done, I'm not going to get on there and start trying to play songs myself. No, I'm going to call hey, the job ain't done. I need you to finish this out now if you want to cut out at the 30 minutes. I'm talking your pay right, like you know something, and that's how it is. Oh well, I just felt like I could just do it myself. No, and that, and I'm like that's what you got to get out, that's what she needs to get out of this. Trying to do some like that's how the whole thing would that's.
Wes:That's uh. If, from my experience, just because I grew up with this type of woman, that's a single mom type uh behavior, she ain't. It's gonna be very hard for her to um get out of that. She'll get better, no doubt. I ain't saying that she won't, but, um, I understand it because my mom like that to this to this day, to the point where I'm like yo, sit your ass. You shouldn't be doing this, no more. You about to be 60, sit down. You know what I mean like.
DeLaw:That's what I keep saying. I'm'm, like you know you over here complaining about the job that these guys gave and did you paying them? He gave you a one-year warranty that they will come out and fix anything that is wrong. Why are we doing it Exactly? You know, it ain't like he put together a program that dealt with math and I said, oh, I can fix this real quick.
Wes:Even if you could, I could I wouldn't, but yeah, but I paid for it. I'm not in the business of me paying for something and then fixing the issue.
DeLaw:Because, like, even with even when we got those next things the first time I had another guy to comment that messed them up. You was in there and staying in there and then getting mad at me because I wouldn't help you. I'm like you're getting mad at me for a job you paid somebody to do. Like, come on, like yeah, like I remember my mom was uh, I forgot what it was somebody was bringing something to the house and they were like, well, how come you didn't help him bring it up? He gets paid to do that. Like that's why he looked at you so weird that you just kind of looked at him as he brought the stuff up. Why am I helping him bring something, man, he's paid to do? I don't get paid. That's like. That's like going through the self-checkout.
Wes:That's why he looked at you like you know. He probably did that because he was like well, I ain't have to do this, be, uh, y'all paid me to do this and just kind of like yeah, like it is what it is, I'm not paying somebody and helping them right, because I opened the door for him and I didn't bring it in the house.
DeLaw:He was taking stuff off the truck and then he brought it in the house. Well, why didn't you help him and bring it in the house for him? I said because he gets paid to do it. Now, mind you, I'm gonna do it at this point. When I say that yeah, and she was like, oh Lord, so my mom's trying to help, I'm like why are you helping a mom? He already eaten.
Wes:She gonna help him to make you help him. She gonna help him to make you help him because you don't feel like she should be doing it. My mom would do the same thing, and now I'm stuck doing something that I didn't need I wasn't supposed to be doing in the first place.
DeLaw:I don't believe in self-checkout. I mean, I don't believe in. Now here's my reason why If I'm a self-checkout, do I get a discount? Yeah, you do. No, you don't.
Wes:Whether you take those discounts, that's on you.
DeLaw:I mean those are the discounts. What's the discount of the shit they try and get out? They store?
Wes:whether you take those discounts, that's on you. I take a lot of shit, whether you take those discounts that's on you.
DeLaw:I don't believe in self-checkout because of the simple fact of if I'm going to check my own food out, I need about $15 or $20 off of whatever if I go through it, like just off of GP, because not only am I scanning my own stuff, bagging my own shit, paying you know, putting my card and all that other stuff, you got lines that you got niggas that you're paying to do that shit. If I'm doing it, should I not get that $15 an I'm doing it, should I not get that $15 an hour for doing it?
Wes:Listen, I hear you, I hear the argument.
DeLaw:I hear the argument.
Wes:I got you. I see the perspective, I hear the argument. The way I feel is, the shit just needs to be cheaper if y'all got self-checkout, or else I'm going to keep getting my discounts.
DeLaw:Honestly, look, if you try to reduce your cost in your rest in your stores, okay, you can make all owls, checkout owls and leave a couple, you know, for the older folk. You know, leave like five owls for, like people who want people to do it for them. But in my head, if you do, if you really want to promote self-checkout, if you do self-checkout, uh, we'll take 20% off your uh coffee bill. We're doing self-checkout and saving us money.
Wes:I just think it's easier just to steal. Yeah, I'm just like it's easier just to steal. Yeah, I'm just like come on, man, it's easier to do that. They're already fucking gouging us anyway. That's just me. I know that's not the right thing to say.
DeLaw:No, that's the perfect thing to say that's just me. Steal the shit, tell me, because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, it's like look, I'm checking out my own food, I'm checking out my own produce, and the produce you ain't necessarily got no tag, I can write that tag off. Yo what. It's a bag vegan stealing Yo what.
Wes:It's his bag. Nigga, speaking of stealing, this dude's ex feels like he's stealing from her, of course. So he's too over this shit. He's 46 years old, he says. Last year he had booked himself he had booked himself a European cruise. A few months later I began dating this girl. I called her and put her name out there. I can put her name out there. She's 44. And after several months of dating I asked if she would be interested in joining me. I offered to cover the flights around $950. If she would be interested in joining me, I offered to cover the flights around nine hundred and fifty dollars if she covered whatever Increased costs there will be for adding a person around five hundred and eighty, that's just for the cruise Right.
Wes:Two months prior to the cruise she realized she was dealing with too much on both her professional and personal life and couldn't manage a relationship and ended things. It sucked, but I let her know I see about getting her money back from the cruise. The cruise line refunded around $240, but the rest would be used for the cancellation fee. I had paid for travel insurance but because it wasn't a medical reason for canceling, they only refunded 75% of the remaining costs to the future. They only refunded 75% of the remaining costs to a future ship travel good only in her name. I let her know about all of this and she said the right thing to do would be to pay her back everything she spent and deal with the rest. However I needed to. I sent her the $240, which was refundeded and told her that if there was another way for her to transfer to me with a future cruise and credit my name, I reimburse her, but the company don't allow that she had.
Wes:She then made several statements that seemed to essentially accuse me of taking advantage of her because I was holding a grudge or something. I was throwing her back and pointing out that a lot of travel entities have cancellation fees. There's money I'm out of as well, like the train tickets that were fully non-refundable. I don't think I owe her anything. It's not like I'm coming out ahead and withholding her money from her.
Wes:But the whole situation isn't but. But the whole it's not, but the whole it's the right thing to do has me second guessing myself. So my whole thing is I know all too well about canceling the cruise line cruise and shit, and Homeboy is actually 100% right. That is exactly what happens. They don't give you money back. They say, hey, you're going to get on one of these boats, you're not getting this money back. But it's the. It's the like yo like, if I'm telling you and showing you the paperwork that, like, this is what they saying and I need to give you the money back. Like, I paid for flights that I ain't getting back, you ain't paying that back to me. So homeboy wants to know if he wrong.
DeLaw:I wouldn't pay that bitch back shit. I mean he not, I wouldn't.
Wes:This is like the nerve this is like yo like you want me to this.
Wes:It's not even my decision. The cruise line said yo, it's in your name, or not even his name, her name already it's going towards your future trip. If you decide to take one, you take one, but this is what. It is what you want me to do. I'm not about to make that. I could have just not told you about it. You ain't getting your money back and you have a free cruise or like a cruise lined up for you. But you know, if it was off-street bridge type shit?
DeLaw:Yeah, I yeah.
Wes:I wouldn't give her that If it's already in her name.
DeLaw:only it's going to go to her, am I? I'm like, is it going back to the car that it went to? Like let's try it.
Wes:It's a credit because my wife it happened to my wife and her sisters cruise gets canceled or they had to cancel no, some. Actually, what happened was they got COVID on the boat. They wanted their fucking money back Cruise and I was like no, we'll, we'll not, we'll avoid this fucking cruise. That happened and all the money like I forget how much they spent will be towards another cruise. They're not giving you, they're just not giving you your money back. That's just what it is.
DeLaw:So your wife ended up catching COVID anyway.
Wes:Yep.
DeLaw:You see him when he comes to the reception.
Wes:Yeah.
DeLaw:Yeah, ain't nobody in my reception.
Wes:It was a year later, though, my wife was terrified of COVID, but when it started getting manageable and shit, her anxiety didn't. It wasn't as bad, but it was terrifying.
DeLaw:When you told me that her anxiety wasn't built that way, it was like I'm dead serious when you said, oh yeah, her anxiety is not built that way. And then you said she also went to brunch with her sister. I was like, wait, what Her anxiety ain't built that way.
Wes:I must spare the details, because she ain't really too what is the word? I don't want to say she's embarrassed, she ain't proud of the way it happens, but she will sometimes put herself in situations and be like I know I shouldn't be she embarrassed, she ain't proud of the way it happens, but she will sometimes put herself in situations and then be like I know I shouldn't be doing this, just to later come home or whatever have you and be sad or crying and stuff like that. Like she thinks she got it because she feels something in her throat or whatever. It was a crazy time for us, like she was. Everything was like I think I got COVID and I'm just like fuck, we be running through our tests during the early days and her not having it and shit. So we got to test. Now I got to buy more tests because she's like well, I ain't have it. Take my thing again, because I think I'm not y'all, you don't have it, you know what's funny?
DeLaw:Me and the wife, as far as we know, have never had COVID.
Wes:Yeah, I had.
DeLaw:As far as we, know, have never had coke. Yeah, I think everybody has had it at this point, it just ain't no. I will say when in the early stages in 2019, um, because you know, working for the stock, we heard about it back in november and they were monitoring it. So my wife got really sick to a point where she could move around and everything else. But I think when she drunk some liquor one day she was almost down. So I got her some nyquil that should put her out.
DeLaw:Um, I got sick sometime after that for like two, three days and then I got sick again, like two months later, like two, three days, like nothing super serious, but as far as I know, for her she was sick a week. Oh wow, like at the end we didn't know what was going. Her, she was sick a week. Oh wow, like at the end of it we didn't know what was going on and she was like I think you know we both got sick and we got COVID. I said I don't think we got COVID Because at the end of the day, if we both got COVID, we would have known. Like, we would know, like, from what they said it is to what it is now, we you wouldn't have been able to go up and down those stairs like you did, or go to work or whatever like, or I wouldn't have been able to go to work for those two days that I did go see people say that and my only pushback against that is give your body some fucking credit.
Wes:You ain't like these other motherfuckers out here. Some people it affected them greatly. Some people they was just kind of like I'm a little sick, I might have the flu, some people asymptomatic, and it was just nothing. So the fact that she was sick I would not say I mean, I'm not a fucking doctor so I ain't gonna say yeah, she ain't have it. She might have had in her body, just was just taking care of her. Like it's been the time that my wife got it. I didn't get it, I don't know if I got it, but I was fucking fine, but I'm also in here taking care of her. Well, maybe I did get it.
DeLaw:Who knows, I did get RSV, though. I remember that, I remember you did. The funny part was I think we recorded that day. We recorded that day I had the headache and everything. I mean I was feeling crappy, I was out on a drink.
Wes:Funny story Everybody's getting their what do you call them? The vaccines and shit like that. Right, I got one like on a Friday. Me and my homies were streaming the very next day, so I got the shot that day. I was feeling feverish, but I didn't know. I was feeling feverish and shit. I had the best match of the best day of Call of Duty ever because I was hyper-focusing no bullshit. Because of this fucking headache that I had Won the game for us, I say, all right, I gotta, I gotta, I, I, I'm done. This is at 10 10 am. I'm like I'm done, I can't stream, no morei I'm done. I slept b-hole. I didn't wake up to 10 am the next day. I would literally just wake up down gatorade and go right back to sleep. That's how bad. That fucking uh, what do you call it? That vaccine knocked me on my ass and I was just like I ain't no way, ain't no way. So when it was like, oh, you getting your boosters, fuck no the vaccine didn't do nothing to me that's what I'm saying.
Wes:That's what I'm saying. I got knocked on my ass. The vaccine did shit to you.
DeLaw:The boosters is what got me. So my first booster wasn't that bad, but the most recent booster I got what do you mean recent? I got a booster when I got to the Department of Health, I got a booster. On September 20th I got my booster. When I say that shit pretty much had me in here, you know how you get the chills. My feet were hurting. I was like you know, I said this is my last booster, I'm done. I'm done, I'm done.
Wes:You know what I'm saying.
DeLaw:Because I look at it like the flu. I ain't never had COVID and last time I had the flu is God knows when. So the most recent time that I did get the flu, which was this year, you know it wasn't that bad. I had the headache the whole time. But that's because my heart you know your heart rate up, your heart rate up, the heart rate up. Of course it's going to be hard to go to sleep and you're going to have, you know, a headache, but you know I did what I was supposed to do and all that other shit but, like you know, I let my body thug it out.
Wes:Yeah, the best thing that we can do is the preventative stuff and just pray that God got us and our body got us.
DeLaw:I mean, I'm just trying to figure out why that chick thought she was going to get that money.
Wes:Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, speaking on that, that's she needs to do, he needs it's like. Yo just say you mad that you out of the money, which is fine. I will be mad too, but I don't make the rules for the fucking cruise line. You think just to convenience you. I'm going to give you the money and you go on a free trip. Nah, I was about to say suck my. I was about to say suck my. But nah, fuck out of here, fuck out of here. That doesn't even make any sense.
DeLaw:That's like the kids that got kicked out of Six Flags. You can't keep me out of Six Flags because I paid my money to get in here.
Wes:No, yeah, I definitely can't kick you out of Six Flags. You've been kicked out of Six Flags.
DeLaw:Everybody been kicked out of Six Flags at some point. But like come on, If the crews aren't like, let's fine, we'll just hold it until your next reservation. That's it like.
DeLaw:That's like these at the end of the day, you probably still plan to go back look and that's why you got redefined prayer like you only can get your money back within a certain time frame, like when we uh, like we were supposed to go to myrtle beach for one trip and it's the, it's not the year we went. So so we went last year, last summer, but the summer before that we were supposed to go to Merlebridge. I got rent the place and everything, and so shit happened and the wife was like I think she got mad at me about something I just started. The state government. She's like you know, I don't even worry about going on vacation, like I'm not going because this and this and this and this. Okay, so I canceled the picture. Why'd you cancel it?
Wes:You're proving my point. They be speaking so finite and funny. This is it. Your words are like all right, I'm going to just do it.
DeLaw:Don't tempt me with saving money.
Wes:Don't tempt an old man with saving money, because he's going to save you that fucking money.
DeLaw:Oh boy, I'm not going, but based on this, this and that, Okay, cool, Well, you should. I encourage you to go. Why would you encourage me to go to burn that bread? That means now I got to drive down there.
Wes:And that was my thing. If only Myrtle Beach was the Dominican Republic. Yeah, you should go.
DeLaw:Yeah, I'll drive right down there like when we went to Myrtle Beach. When we went to Myrtle Beach last summer, I drove up and back myself with her yo she ain't helping at all no, it was so. It was a proof point.
Wes:What you still these Patty stories? What do you mean? It's a proof point.
DeLaw:I'm not proving no point by fucking all the drugs, I don't give a fuck. She always will be the one to do all this, and she drives all the places she's tricking you.
Wes:You don't understand what's going on.
DeLaw:And she's like, oh well, okay, I can drive. And I'm looking at her eyes, you have sleep, how you gonna drive? And so I'm a big advocate where I don't like drive. If we're gonna drive a long trip, I don't want to eat. You know what I'm saying? Because I know that eating is gonna make me tired, so I don't want to eat, or I'm just, let me just drive like I can.
DeLaw:You don't have a full meal is what you're saying, right like, honestly, because you know, when we stopped, when we stopped at the cookout oh, that was when you went. Really I was like we could just drive. Look, just grab your food, put it in the car and let's keep driving. Well, you know like, why can't you know like, like, why can't you know like, let's stop and eat because you need some rest.
Wes:No, I'm not, I rest, I might not. I'm not going to be as sharp or good as I need to be, so we need to hurry up and get going.
DeLaw:I told her, I said, and as soon as I ate my food and we started driving I think we were in North Carolina. We still got like four hours to go, if not more, probably like four hours I could already feel my eyes just dwindling. I'm just like yo. And then these motherfuckers and they bladders oh, I got pee, what, what do you mean? You got pee, I got pee, I ain't gonna lie.
Wes:That is the reason why I hate road trips. The most I can do is four hours, and that's what Virginia Beach or New York or wherever I can only do four fucking hours. I cannot do more.
DeLaw:I told her, this time we splitting that.
Wes:Yeah, I got to. It's only fair.
DeLaw:You know what I'm saying. So you want to drive the first half or the second half, see, and the thing is, you know, as the man I'll drive and I get you know the kid might be hungry or whatever, or she might start getting hungry or whatever.
Wes:Yeah, I ain't talking about that.
DeLaw:We might as well just keep driving. Look, get you some snacks for the road. Let's get out of here, let's get down to the get down here, Like we get into North Carolina, whatever. We just keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling and then if it's like, all right, okay, now we need to stop. My eyes are getting a little tired. Okay, cool, Then let's switch. But it shouldn't be. No, let's stop and get a real meal. Like, no, like, if we're going to get a real meal, let's wait until we're almost in, like we in South Carolina about to be in Melbourne.
Wes:Yeah, that's usually what the road trip is supposed to be. As soon as y'all get to where y'all at, y'all touch down, y'all like, y'all boom, like we here, let's relax a little bit. Usually it's you drop your shit off. Now you're like we got a place to rest our head. Let's go get to this food and we're going to come back and plan the next day, or if y'all got there at a good time, what are we doing tonight? You know what I mean.
DeLaw:That type of thing. We're on a six to eight hour trip.
Wes:Yeah, I'm not doing it.
DeLaw:In my head, if we get up early enough, we can beat a lot of that trash, and so this year we're not leaving on a Saturday, we're leaving on a Sunday, so the roads are a little bit different on Sunday.
Wes:Sunday to come home or Sunday to go down. Sunday to go down. Okay, yeah.
DeLaw:Saturday to go down. That's when everybody goes Sunday. If we get out early on Sundays you can kind of play with it a little bit. Everybody else leaves at like 4 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday to beat all that traffic. If we leave on 6 o'clock on a Saturday, on a Sunday them roads are clear until 9 o'clock Because now everybody's getting up to go to church. That means we've already beaten the glim burning. Getting down the buoy to 495 traffic to get to the mixing bowl. Once you get in the hard part, the hard part of all the traffic is getting through the mixing bowl, you know. And then you get down that part, you just gun it. Once you get down that part, you just gun it. Once you get to Richmond, you know you halfway through Virginia. Once you get to Wilmington, you know you're halfway to Myrtle Beach. And if you can power through that and get closer and closer to that border, I'm not opposed to stopping and getting a meal if we're only going to be two hours out.
Wes:Yeah, you don't want to be like six hours out and be like let's get something to eat. That should have been done.
DeLaw:Right, you know, if we get to like 11, like we leave at 6, and it gets to like 11, 12 o'clock and you're like okay, I'm hungry. We've already driven six hours. We're deep in North Carolina.
Wes:You know what I realized Speaking about this? Yo, most of us wouldn't have made it during colonial times, when you had to travel through a horse and carriage for a week just to get this off.
DeLaw:Yeah, stay at the local inn.
Wes:No, not for that when food is scarce.
DeLaw:So it's just like yo you want't eat on a little bit today and that's all you're gonna eat for two days. You know what they used to do, right, they used. They used to drink. Yeah, they used to drink and the drinking would suffice, like, um, a lot of them did rum.
DeLaw:You know, rum was the big thing, you know rum uh, beer wasn't necessarily that wasn't really a thing yet, not in the states anyway not in the states, like in overseas, like England, you know, in Europe it was a thing because they had the beer they had the wheat, the wheat to cultivate the wheat, and stuff like that yeah but you know, at that time, horse and carriage, it was rum and you might have had a little bit of beer, but all that beer that you would see them, that you see in these, at that time, horse and carriage, it was rum and you might have had a little bit of beer, but all that beer that you would see in these movies, that was once they started going west. That's after the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812. That's after all those wars. Let me get a beer. That's in the Midwest Texas. It's the wild west out here in Texas. That's just fucking south.
Wes:Yeah, shit. On that note, women think men make money. That's what I came up with with this conversation and you can't, and you can't.
DeLaw:You can't complain if the cruise liner says I ain't give you a goddamn refund, but I'll put it towards your next trip because you want that money. Shit in real life. If I pay for all that and your name is on it, I took the L. He did take the L. He took the L Exactly. He took the L.
Wes:He's not even asking for what it costs to get her there. He's like yo, I'm going to pay for you to get there, like he took that on the train. She's like what you think was going to happen, you was going to quit the relationship?
DeLaw:Did he even say the reason for it?
Wes:She said it was too. She had a lot going on.
DeLaw:Oh, so pretty much. She found another, nigga Got it. That's what it sound like to me, but hey, I'm just saying. This is what happens when you are not the reigning undisputed head of the table tribal chief champion of your house. They just walk out.
Wes:They just walk out.
DeLaw:He should have told that bitch acknowledge me.
Wes:Alright, on that note, thank everybody for tuning in and uh, acknowledge us, acknowledge us.