According To Wes

Broke, In Debt, and Living with Mom: How Optimism Saved My Ass

• Wes • Episode 15

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What if the most powerful tool for transforming your life has been misunderstood all along? Optimism—not the superficial, smile-through-everything kind—but the gritty, realistic force that acknowledges difficulties while refusing to be defined by them.


Wes:

Hello and welcome to the AccordionOS podcast, where I'm dedicated to exploring the powerful beliefs and attitudes that shape our lives. I'm your host, wes, and today I'm diving into a quality that's often misunderstood, but and perhaps in one of the most powerful tools, we have Optimism. Perhaps in one of the most powerful tools, we have optimism. When you hear the word optimist, we you know what comes to mind Maybe a person with a permanent smile, who sees the world through rose-colored glasses, or someone who believes everything will work out perfectly. We often associate optimism with a kind of naive blindness to reality, basically, but I want to propose a different definition that true optimism isn't about ignoring the storm. It's about trusting. You have a trusting. You have a raincoat. It's a realistic, hopeful outlook that acknowledges challenges but firmly believes in the possibility of a better future. An optimist isn't someone who believes nothing bad would ever happen. Instead, they are someone who believes that when bad things do happen, they have the resilience and the resources to get through them. It's an internal belief in one's own capability be optimistic, the science that proves its benefits and, most importantly, how we can cultivate more of it in our daily lives.

Wes:

First, let's clear up some common misconceptions. Optimism is not the same as toxic positivity. What Toxic positivity is the dismissal of real difficult emotions in favor of forced cheerful outlooks. It's the person who tells you just be happy when you're grieving. That's not optimism. It's like a form of emotional suppression. Optimism, on the other hand, is a grounded perspective. An optimistic person can feel sad, angry or disappointed, but they don't let those emotions define their future. They can say things like uh, this is a difficult situation and I'm feeling hurt, but I believe I can get through this and I'll be okay. That's optimism. For example, someone eats your leftover Chick-fil-a in the fridge. You've been waiting on that all day. You feel hurt, disrespected, but you will get through it, like anything else.

Wes:

Scientific research has long supported the benefits of an optimistic mindset. Studies have shown that optimists tend to have a better physical health, lower levels of stress and a stronger immune system. They are more likely to take proactive steps to solve problems and are less likely to fall into states of learned helplessness. The reason is simple your brain's explanatory style, how you explain the cause of good and bad events in your life directly impacts your mood and behavior. A pessimist often views negative events as permanent, pervasive and personal. An optimist, however, sees the same negative event as temporary, specific and external Message. This fundamental difference in perspective is the true engine of optimism. So what are the tangible benefits of cultivating this mindset? Why is it a superpower? Well, for one one, it enhances your resilience. Optimism acts as a buffer against life's and that of inevitable setbacks. Because optimist see challenges as temporary and specific, they don't get stuck in a cycle of despair. They are able to bounce back faster from failures.

Wes:

And when a project fails at work. A pessimist might think I'm a failure and I'll never succeed. An optimist might think the approach didn't work. What can I learn from this? What? Can I try?

Wes:

next. This resilience is a key to long-term success in any field. Being optimistic can improve your problem solving. An optimistic mindset is a creative mindset. When you believe that a solution is possible, you are more likely to seek it out. Pessimism can be paralyzing, leading to inaction and feeling stuck. Optimism, on the other hand, provides the mental and emotional energy to explore new ideas, think outside the box and take calculated risks. Optimism also builds better relationships. People are naturally drawn to those who are hopeful and have a positive outlook, and optimists can be a source of encouragement, support for friends and loved ones, strengthening social bonds and creating a more positive environment for everyone. When you believe in people and their potential, they tend to rise to the occasion. However, don't let optimism make you a fool.

Wes:

More than likely people do not rise to the occasion and they waste their potential and waste our time.

Wes:

We all know a couple people like that. They might actually be sitting right beside you. Optimism can lead to increased motivation and action. For an example, why would you put in any effort if you don't believe it will lead to a positive outcome? Optimism provides the crucial belief that your actions matter. It fuels persistence, encourages you to get out of bed in the morning and inspires you to take on new challenges. It's the internal drive that says I can do this. It's the internal drive that says I can do this Without a shadow of a doubt. I can say being optimistic, having optimism, truly fucking works. It has definitely worked for me. It has worked in situations in my life where all I had was optimism and two hundred dollars free a month after crippling debt and stuff like that.

Wes:

Um, I remember one point in time in my life where um all I had to look forward to was the future, because what I was going through currently was, I felt like a failure for lack of better words. I did what all the young dumb men do, and you know you moving with your girlfriend at the time, y'all you know splitting the bills and, and you know splitting the bills and fucking and and trying to make it work right. Stupid, uh.

Wes:

and the reason why I say why, why I say young and dumb is because now, if I could do that over uh I would make sure I was in a better situation to stand on my two feet, and I think I've talked about this in a prior podcast. But during that time yeah, during that time, you know, we're sharing an apartment, we're sharing a life.

Wes:

Quote unquote things go left and a hard left and, long story short, I have no place to go because I can't afford what's coming my way, which is bills and some more stuff. So my mom graciously took me back in. I'm back at home, I'm working a job that I I'm working a job. It's not really a career. I see no future in this. It's something to give me money. I see no future in this. It's something to give me money. And I'm halfway in and out of college at this point. So yeah, hearing that a lot of you might think OK, doesn't really sound too bad. You have a job, yeah, you back at home. But you know, get your weight up, get your money up, you'll be good to go. But you know, get your weight up, get your money up, you'll be good to go. But I ask you this how the hell do you do that when, knock, knock, knock. Now the IRS is knocking on your door and saying, hey, you owe us a lot of fucking money. Good question. And for a young college student, I don't know how much I owe, but it was a lot and it was something I could not afford. And also, mom wants you to kick in some money while you're there. Now of course I can't tell her like, hey, uh, I owe the irs some money and my shit is fucked up, my money's fucked up. Um, because you know, at that time I'm feeling a little. I'm feeling a little embarrassed that I'm back at home. I don't know how to communicate with that to my mom and she's also asking for money and it's just kind of like all right, I gotta figure out a way.

Wes:

Optimism, that is all the. That is the tool that I had. I had to become resourceful because I'm like yo. People are in worse situations than I am in. I've never been in this situation, but I feel like I can. I can make my way out. And I also told myself I'm like yo, whatever plan I come up with, the end goal is to never have to come back home. It can't be some half measure where I just kind of get myself, get my head above the water, just to move back out the house. I need to have something. I need to have something in my life that's concrete, that this is the baseline. And if I ever had to go back to the baseline, well, I need to. I needed to create a, a baseline where my mom was not the baseline and her house was not the baseline and me, you know, may, needing to ask people for money is not the baseline. And if I can come up with that, I'll be good. And I and you know, like I said, optimism is. It's making me.

Wes:

I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a. I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a way. I'm trying to find a purpose. I'm trying to see how I can see how I can make a better life for myself, for lack of a better words and the only thing that I could come up with.

Wes:

Well, there's two things during this time. This is kind of give you some a little bit of background info to kind of show you how difficult this might be, what this was for me. I was 22. And during that time I were. We're still going through the recession, so it wasn't like jobs were plentiful, companies wasn't paying. They're still not paying what they should be paying, but that's neither here or there, but I'm dealing with that. So it's it's.

Wes:

I can't just easily and readily make more money. That's out of the uh question. I could only get what I can get. I can only get the job that I can get. I have no real hardcore skills. I may not do, but I don't. I had an associates in computer science, but that wasn't getting me anywhere. I wasn't getting any looks or any. No one was calling me back when it came to employment. So at that time I'm dealing with my feelings towards not being called back for jobs that I apply for and granted, it is an associates, but I'm thinking some type of entry-level job, not getting any calls back from that. I'm back at home with my mom.

Wes:

I'm in a small room, uh, and I got debt coming for me and the only thing that I could think of was, like I said, get myself to a new baseline. And the new baseline, the way to get there, was my education. So I had to be serious about it, I had to be disciplined about it. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

Wes:

But it wasn't. It wasn't, it wasn't going to be a cakewalk and without making, without dragging on the story, um, I literally had to put everything that I had towards my. I had to do some financial maneuvering. I had to put everything that I had towards my dad to do some financial maneuvering. I had to put everything that I worked for, like want to work towards my debt that was coming in. Thank goodness this job offered tuition reimbursement, but I couldn't pay for that outright. Thank goodness I didn't fuck my credit up, so my only saving grace was pay for the stuff on a credit card. Pay for your college classes on a credit card, because at this point I'm going back for my bachelors.

Wes:

Pay for that on a credit card so you can invest in yourself to get more money and study like hell so when you get the money back from the company, you put that back on a credit card and that will grow your credit at the same time while getting your education and grow your credit at the same time while getting your education.

Wes:

And it was a slow, arduous process, like I didn't have a I didn't have much of a social life during that time because I didn't have any money. I didn't have much of a romantic life at that time because I didn't have any money. So it was literally work and school, work in school, work in school. And during that time I'm pretty sure my friends felt a certain type of way. My mom couldn't understand why I was always angry but it was just like yo, or why I was always like not in the mood. It's like this is some things I just gotta do, like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm being optimistic, but I'm I'm also. I'm also, uh, coming to terms with what has to happen like this is my only path.

Wes:

I have to get out this house, not because I don't love my mom, I just, I just don't want to stay there. I had to get out of that house and I had to be disciplined and I didn't want anything to break that discipline, that, that focus, because I knew, if it did and I fucked up again, that I might be at that house for longer than two, three years if I can't get a better job or develop new skills, that this is what it's going to be. Um, but eventually the company that I was working for I worked my way up and I'm getting raises, I'm getting, uh, new positions within the organization here and there and with that, of course, a bump in pay. And I was starting to see it a little bit more clearly.

Wes:

I was able to kind of move around a little bit more with the money, not nothing crazy, but I'm, I'm, I'm being optimistic, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm putting in my head like yo, it's only a certain amount of time. It's only a certain amount of time. This, it's only a certain amount of time. This is another month, another month down, and unfortunately it became like another year down, another year down. I think I was at my mom's house for a total.

Wes:

I was in that situation at my mom's house for a total of three years, maybe, maybe three to four, but at the end of it all I was able to do some great things. I was able to get my bachelor's. I was able to. What do you believe in? Yeah, I was able to get a job. Uh, I was able to get a job. I was able to get a job in IT First, real, real job in IT proper. And when I got that job, that was my baseline. I knew that if I could just work from this point out that the baseline of what this is, even if I had to find another job or something like that that I am worth at least the minimum that I got at this particular organization and I'll be fine I could make a living if I had to start over you know if I had to start over like right away, and I'm telling you that during

Wes:

that time optimism is all I had. I had that I had to be optimistic. I am not saying that you cannot be optimistic. Through the uh, through the man above, he provides that and he looks out for you and things of that nature, but you have to believe. But you have to believe and I believed, I had an optimistic faith about me and I would say I was able to do great things.

Wes:

And I say all that to say that optimism truly, truly, truly fucking works. It's hard and there will be things that come about, day after day after day that be like you don't really need to be doing this, You're going to fail. And there's been times I've had that feeling, Literally times I've had that feeling Heartburn in the chest, like I'm about to fuck my life up again. And you know, some of the listeners I'm sure you guys are thinking like you ain't really fucked your life up.

Wes:

Everybody go home, everyone goes back home and leaves once or twice. I didn't know that at the time In my head I'm being I'm being too hard on myself, like if I moved out, like yo, I'm a man, I did what I was supposed to do. So in my head at the time, coming back home, felt like I was being a failure. But I also see things differently now. But optimism is all I have. Truly true optimism is not about ignoring the darkness. It's about being being the light. It's about choosing to believe in your own capacity to navigate the world with hope, resilience and a positive expectation for the future. It's a mindset that acknowledges the reality of setbacks but refuses to be defined by them. By practicing a more realistic, grounded form of optimism, you can build your resilience, improve your relationships. You can build your resilience, improve your relationships and unlock a more peaceful and powerful version of yourself. Thank you for joining me on the Accordion of West podcast until next time.

Wes:

remember, you are not your circumstances, you are your response to them. Choose to be optimistic you.