Broke, In Debt, and Living with Mom: How Optimism Saved My Ass

What if the most powerful tool for transforming your life has been misunderstood all along? Optimism—not the superficial, smile-through-everything kind—but the gritty, realistic force that acknowledges difficulties while refusing to be defined by them.

Transcript

Redefining True Optimism

Wes 0:02

Hello and welcome to the AccordionOS podcast , where I'm dedicated to exploring the powerful beliefs and attitudes that shape our lives . I'm your host , wes , and today I'm diving into a quality that's often misunderstood , but and perhaps in one of the most powerful tools , we have Optimism . Perhaps in one of the most powerful tools , we have optimism . When you hear the word optimist , we you know what comes to mind Maybe a person with a permanent smile , who sees the world through rose-colored glasses , or someone who believes everything will work out perfectly . We often associate optimism with a kind of naive blindness to reality , basically , but I want to propose a different definition that true optimism isn't about ignoring the storm . It's about trusting . You have a trusting . You have a raincoat . It's a realistic , hopeful outlook that acknowledges challenges but firmly believes in the possibility of a better future . An optimist isn't someone who believes nothing bad would ever happen . Instead , they are someone who believes that when bad things do happen , they have the resilience and the resources to get through them . It's an internal belief in one's own capability be optimistic , the science that proves its benefits and , most importantly , how we can cultivate more of it in our daily lives .

Wes 2:08

First , let's clear up some common misconceptions . Optimism is not the same as toxic positivity . What Toxic positivity is the dismissal of real difficult emotions in favor of forced cheerful outlooks . It's the person who tells you just be happy when you're grieving . That's not optimism . It's like a form of emotional suppression . Optimism , on the other hand , is a grounded perspective . An optimistic person can feel sad , angry or disappointed , but they don't let those emotions define their future . They can say things like uh , this is a difficult situation and I'm feeling hurt , but I believe I can get through this and I'll be okay . That's optimism .

Science Behind Optimistic Mindset

Wes 3:01

For example , someone eats your leftover Chick-fil-a in the fridge . You've been waiting on that all day . You feel hurt , disrespected , but you will get through it , like anything else .

Wes 3:17

Scientific research has long supported the benefits of an optimistic mindset . Studies have shown that optimists tend to have a better physical health , lower levels of stress and a stronger immune system . They are more likely to take proactive steps to solve problems and are less likely to fall into states of learned helplessness . The reason is simple your brain's explanatory style , how you explain the cause of good and bad events in your life directly impacts your mood and behavior . A pessimist often views negative events as permanent , pervasive and personal . An optimist , however , sees the same negative event as temporary , specific and external Message . This fundamental difference in perspective is the true engine of optimism . So what are the tangible benefits of cultivating this mindset ? Why is it a superpower ? Well , for one one , it enhances your resilience . Optimism acts as a buffer against life's and that of inevitable setbacks . Because optimist see challenges as temporary and specific , they don't get stuck in a cycle of despair . They are able to bounce back faster from failures .

Wes 5:05

And when a project fails at work . A pessimist might think I'm a failure and I'll never succeed . An optimist might think the approach didn't work . What can I learn from this ? What ? Can I try ?

Wes 5:20

next . This resilience is a key to long-term success in any field . Being optimistic can improve your problem solving . An optimistic mindset is a creative mindset . When you believe that a solution is possible , you are more likely to seek it out . Pessimism can be paralyzing , leading to inaction and feeling stuck . Optimism , on the other hand , provides the mental and emotional energy to explore new ideas , think outside the box and take calculated risks . Optimism also builds better relationships . People are naturally drawn to those who are hopeful and have a positive outlook , and optimists can be a source of encouragement , support for friends and loved ones , strengthening social bonds and creating a more positive environment for everyone . When you believe in people and their potential , they tend to rise to the occasion .

Benefits of Cultivating Optimism

Wes 6:32

However , don't let optimism make you a fool .

Wes 6:36

More than likely people do not rise to the occasion and they waste their potential and waste our time .

Wes 6:49

We all know a couple people like that . They might actually be sitting right beside you . Optimism can lead to increased motivation and action . For an example , why would you put in any effort if you don't believe it will lead to a positive outcome ? Optimism provides the crucial belief that your actions matter . It fuels persistence , encourages you to get out of bed in the morning and inspires you to take on new challenges . It's the internal drive that says I can do this . It's the internal drive that says I can do this Without a shadow of a doubt . I can say being optimistic , having optimism , truly fucking works . It has definitely worked for me . It has worked in situations in my life where all I had was optimism and two hundred dollars free a month after crippling debt and stuff like that .

Wes 7:53

Um , I remember one point in time in my life where um all I had to look forward to was the future , because what I was going through currently was , I felt like a failure for lack of better words . I did what all the young dumb men do , and you know you moving with your girlfriend at the time , y'all you know splitting the bills and , and you know splitting the bills and fucking and and trying to make it work right . Stupid , uh .

Wes 8:29

and the reason why I say why , why I say young and dumb is because now , if I could do that over uh I would make sure I was in a better situation to stand on my two feet , and I think I've talked about this in a prior podcast . But during that time yeah , during that time , you know , we're sharing an apartment , we're sharing a life .

Wes 8:55

Quote unquote things go left and a hard left and , long story short , I have no place to go because I can't afford what's coming my way , which is bills and some more stuff . So my mom graciously took me back in . I'm back at home , I'm working a job that

My Personal Rock Bottom Story

Wes 9:21

I I'm working a job . It's not really a career . I see no future in this . It's something to give me money . I see no future in this . It's something to give me money . And I'm halfway in and out of college at this point . So yeah , hearing that a lot of you might think OK , doesn't really sound too bad . You have a job , yeah , you back at home . But you know , get your weight up , get your money up , you'll be good to go . But you know , get your weight up , get your money up , you'll be good to go . But I ask you this how the hell do you do that when , knock , knock , knock . Now the IRS is knocking on your door and saying , hey , you owe us a lot of fucking money . Good question . And for a young college student , I don't know how much I owe , but it was a lot and it was something I could not afford . And also , mom wants you to kick in some money while you're there . Now of course I can't tell her like , hey , uh , I owe the irs some money and my shit is fucked up , my money's fucked up . Um , because you know , at that time I'm feeling a little . I'm feeling a little embarrassed that I'm back at home . I don't know how to communicate with that to my mom and she's also asking for money and it's just kind of like all right , I gotta figure out a way .

Wes 10:42

Optimism , that is all the . That is the tool that I had . I had to become resourceful because I'm like yo . People are in worse situations than I am in . I've never been in this situation , but I feel like I can . I can make my way out . And I also told myself I'm like yo , whatever plan I come up with , the end goal is to never have to come back home . It can't be some half measure where I just kind of get myself , get my head above the water , just to move back out the house . I need to have something . I need to have something in my life that's concrete , that this is the baseline . And if I ever had to go back to the baseline , well , I need to . I needed to create a , a baseline where my mom was not the baseline and her house was not the baseline and me , you know , may , needing to ask people for money is not the baseline . And if I can come up with that , I'll be good . And I and you know , like I said , optimism is . It's making me .

Wes 11:47

I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a . I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a way . I'm trying to find a purpose . I'm trying to see how I can see how I can make a better life for myself , for lack of a better words and the only thing that I could come up with .

Wes 12:15

Well , there's two things during this time . This is kind of give you some a little bit of background info to kind of show you how difficult this might be , what this was for me . I was 22 . And during that time I were . We're still going through the recession , so it wasn't like jobs were plentiful , companies wasn't paying . They're still not paying what they should be paying , but that's neither here or there , but I'm dealing with that . So it's it's .

Wes 12:47

I can't just easily and readily make more money . That's out of the uh question . I could only get what I can get . I can only get the job that I can get . I have no real hardcore skills . I may not do , but I don't . I had an associates in computer science , but that wasn't getting me anywhere . I wasn't getting any looks or any . No one was calling me back when it came to employment . So at that time I'm dealing with my feelings towards not being called back for jobs that I apply for and granted , it is an associates , but I'm thinking some type of entry-level job , not getting any calls back from that . I'm back at home with my mom .

Wes 13:41

I'm in a small room , uh , and I got debt coming for me and the only thing that I could think of was , like I said , get myself to a new baseline . And the new baseline , the way to get there , was my education . So I had to be serious about it , I had to be disciplined about it . I saw a light at the end of the tunnel .

Wes 14:15

But it wasn't . It wasn't , it wasn't going to be a cakewalk and without making , without dragging on the story , um , I literally had to put everything that I had towards my . I had to do some financial maneuvering . I had to put everything that I had towards my dad to do some financial maneuvering . I had to put everything that I worked for , like want to work towards my debt that was coming in . Thank goodness this job offered tuition reimbursement , but I couldn't pay for that outright . Thank goodness I didn't fuck my credit up , so my only saving grace was pay for the stuff on a credit card . Pay for your college classes on a credit card , because at this point I'm going back for my bachelors .

Wes 15:09

Pay for that on a credit card so you can invest in yourself to get more money and study like hell so when you get the money back from the company , you put that back on a credit card and that will grow your credit at the same time while getting your education and grow your credit at the same time while getting your education .

Wes 15:32

And

Finding a New Baseline

Wes 15:34

it was a slow , arduous process , like I didn't have a I didn't have much of a social life during that time because I didn't have any money . I didn't have much of a romantic life at that time because I didn't have any money . So it was literally work and school , work in school , work in school . And during that time I'm pretty sure my friends felt a certain type of way . My mom couldn't understand why I was always angry but it was just like yo , or why I was always like not in the mood . It's like this is some things I just gotta do , like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel . I'm being optimistic , but I'm I'm also . I'm also , uh , coming to terms with what has to happen like this is my only path .

Wes 16:22

I have to get out this house , not because I don't love my mom , I just , I just don't want to stay there . I had to get out of that house and I had to be disciplined and I didn't want anything to break that discipline , that , that focus , because I knew , if it did and I fucked up again , that I might be at that house for longer than two , three years if I can't get a better job or develop new skills , that this is what it's going to be . Um , but eventually the company that I was working for I worked my way up and I'm getting raises , I'm getting , uh , new positions within the organization here and there and with that , of course , a bump in pay . And I was starting to see it a little bit more clearly .

Wes 17:11

I was able to kind of move around a little bit more with the money , not nothing crazy , but I'm , I'm , I'm being optimistic , I'm , I'm , I'm , I'm putting in my head like yo , it's only a certain amount of time . It's only a certain amount of time . This , it's only a certain amount of time . This is another month , another month down , and unfortunately it became like another year down , another year down . I think I was at my mom's house for a total .

Wes 17:38

I was in that situation at my mom's house for a total of three years , maybe , maybe three to four , but at the end of it all I was able to do some great things . I was able to get my bachelor's . I was able to . What do you believe in ? Yeah , I was able to get a job . Uh , I was able to get a job . I was able to get a job in IT First , real , real job in IT proper . And when I got that job , that was my baseline . I knew that if I could just work from this point out that the baseline of what this is , even if I had to find another job or something like that that I am worth at least the minimum that I got at this particular organization and I'll be fine I could make a living if I had to start over you know if I had to start over like right away , and I'm telling you that during

Wes 18:47

that time optimism is all I had . I had that I had to be optimistic . I am not saying that you cannot be optimistic . Through the uh , through the man above , he provides that and he looks out for you and things of that nature , but you have to believe . But you have to believe and I believed , I had an optimistic faith about me and I would say I was able to do great things .

Wes 19:31

And I say all that to say that optimism truly , truly , truly fucking works . It's hard and there will be things that come about , day after day after day that be like you don't really need to be doing this , You're going to fail . And there's been times I've had that feeling , Literally times I've had that feeling Heartburn in the chest , like I'm about to fuck my life up again . And you know , some of the listeners I'm sure you guys are thinking like you ain't really fucked your life up .

Wes 20:06

Everybody go home , everyone goes back home and leaves once or twice . I didn't know that at the time In my head I'm being I'm being too hard on myself , like if I moved out , like yo , I'm a man , I did what I was supposed to do . So in my head at the time , coming back home , felt like I was being a failure . But I also see things differently now . But optimism is all I have . Truly true optimism is not about ignoring

Optimism as Your Greatest Tool

Wes 20:54

the darkness . It's about being being the light . It's about choosing to believe in your own capacity to navigate the world with hope , resilience and a positive expectation for the future . It's a mindset that acknowledges the reality of setbacks but refuses to be defined by them . By practicing a more realistic , grounded form of optimism , you can build your resilience , improve your relationships . You can build your resilience , improve your relationships and unlock a more peaceful and powerful version of yourself . Thank you for joining me on the Accordion of West podcast until next time .

Wes 21:41

remember , you are not your circumstances , you are your response to them . Choose to be optimistic you .