According To Wes

Crabs, Cash, And Consequences

• Wes/DeLaw

Share episode

A surprise BOGO crab haul sets the table for one of our most honest money conversations yet. We go from twenty shells and a freezer full of claws to the quiet math of family finances—how a house down payment empties savings, how “you got it” becomes a habit, and why clear rules save relationships. Then we hit the spark: a mom uses life insurance to wipe out roughly $60K of her daughter’s student loans after pushing her into college too soon. The son, debt-free but degree-free, wants a matching payout. Fairness or favoritism?


Wes:

Hi everybody, welcome to another episode of the According to West Podcast. As always, we have D Law here.

DeLaw:

You have D Law. I ate two dozens of crabs in 12 hours.

Wes:

You have me West. I two dozen crabs. You have me West. D Law has not learned from last time. Did you leave liquor out of this combination?

DeLaw:

Nope. Nope. Nope. Of course I had my beer. This time I just had beer. I ain't had no liquor.

Wes:

And was wifey with you?

DeLaw:

I I I almost I didn't realize it was a buy one, give one when I got the crabs. I got the dozen female large. And this this time I went back to the hood spot. Well, I call it the hood spot because this is the round of corner, whatever spot. They don't got no buy you crab bowl season that make it taste extra good. I just went there and I was like, all right, they probably give me some good crabs. They're they're a little, they bought the same price of other places. And I get there, they said, Oh, yeah, we forgot to tell you is buy one, get one. Did you want to do uh no? They told me it was buy one, get one. I was like, Oh, all right, whatever. I'm in my head, I'm not thinking buy one and get one. Yeah, I'm like, all right, the bag's a little heavy. Like, all right, whatever.

Wes:

The bag's a little heavy. Wait a minute.

DeLaw:

And I get home, like, this is a whole lot of crabs. Shit, it's just me.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

And I was like, I said, um, you know, you guys gave me like two dozen. It was like, yeah, we told you buy one, get one. And then that's when it hit me.

Wes:

Oh, buy a crab, get a crab.

DeLaw:

So needless to say, I ate 20 of them. Jeez. I took I ate 20 of them out of the 24. I took all the legs off and froze them because I said if I try to eat the legs, I ain't gonna get through these. So I had to I had to make a business decision at that point of do I just eat the whole thing or do I say the crack the uh clause for later?

Wes:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DeLaw:

Yeah, that's pretty much what ended up having. I just say the clause for later. And yeah. Sounds like you uh I ate the last four this morning, so I'm good. But the rest of them are still frozen.

Wes:

Okay.

DeLaw:

The rest of the lake, the legs are still frozen. Um and right now I'm marinating some chicken thighs with some church seasoning.

Wes:

Okay, not bad.

DeLaw:

And it's been about 12 hours, so yeah, it's about 12 hours, so I'm probably you know, depending on whatever I cook dinner.

Wes:

Um we'll see what happens.

DeLaw:

But you know, you gotta you know, with you know you already know with these seasons, you gotta make sure you marinate them long enough because you need the salt to pull all that water out from it. And then the salt replaces as it after it combines, the salt kind of grinds it and replaces the you know, the bland water with season order to make sure that your media season. That takes that takes time, you know. They can do it in 30 minutes, but a lot of times you'll just have really good flavored skin.

Wes:

I mean, flavor skin is good too.

DeLaw:

Yeah, flavor skin is good, you know.

Wes:

Shout out to all the women doing uh using uh edible oils in the bedroom.

DeLaw:

Flavor skin ain't that one with no flavor skin, I'll tell you that. Oh man, no flavor skin.

Wes:

Yeah, I was uh I was talking to my homeboy about uh something, and um he was telling me that when his OGs was uh he was mad because uh basically he don't feel like uh he don't feel like the uh he don't feel like the guy that his daughter is married to. I basically he probably just don't like him, right? So he was kind of like uh kind of mad because his daughter came to him, asked him for $200. Mind you, and I was about to say his name. My homie told me he was like, well, I don't see why he would need to unless they unless he's fucking up the money because he got a couple businesses and he's doing good. So he's he my friend is thinking like the old his OG is like he probably too ashamed to ask me for the money, like they need some money or this, this, and that, but just kind of looking for a reason or whatever. I was telling my homie, I was like, look, I'm almost, I can almost guarantee you that the issue is he's breaking his wife off money, but she's spending the money and don't want to come to her husband and be like, yo, I need some money. I was like, yo, I said, yo, that is I said that is a tell oldest time. That has happened to me numerous times when my wife was just be like, well, I just know that you know you're gonna say something because I spent my money too fast, or you just gave me some and I need some more again, and I don't like it, I don't like having to keep asking you. And I'm like, ask when you need it, but don't ask because you, you know, you decided to like, damn, I bought this purse instead of uh actually paying a bill, or damn I did this, and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I was like, I can almost guarantee that because that's what happens in marriages. I said, I can almost guarantee you. Yeah, that's what happened that's what happened. And then I was telling a story about how my mom was telling me that her um her uh my stepfather, he had uh my stepfather's mother had racked up like a rack of money on some JCPenney credit cards like way back in the day, like 20K, almost close to 20K. She didn't want to tell her husband. And 20K back in the 90s is a lot. She didn't want to tell her husband.

DeLaw:

She's just owe two million. Yes, pretty much owe two million if you owe 20k.

Wes:

So he he was uh she was my mom was telling me that she uh she was mad because he felt compelled to help his mom out, even though she was just spinning up a storm and shit like that, because it was taking money out the house. Ends up helping his mom pay the shit down or pay the shit off. She racks up more money on the fucking cards. So when I say it's a tail, oldest time, I've I didn't heard it. I didn't went through it. My my stepdad went through it on the other end in the weirdest way, like your mom coming to you because she can't stop shopping. I didn't heard some of my you know, the older guys say the shit, like, yo, I mean Chris Chris Rock ain't say woman be shopping, woman be shopping for no fucking reason. Like maybe they be shopping. They do, yeah. I was like, geez.

DeLaw:

The conversation last time was if I'm uh if I'm gonna make all this money, why why do you need what you need this bag for? What you need this bag for? What why do you need to?

Wes:

Oh yeah, you remember. I remember remember I've yet to edit that. Yes, it is true, it's true because it's kind of like you cannot some you just cannot leave. I I know it sounds kind of crazy, and I am not saying, oh, but this you cannot leave women with money, it's just I I feel like and it's a good feeling for them to have when they know they have a security blanket, they just don't be caring, right? My man got it, and like I don't want to have it, I don't want to have it like that all the time. I want I want fucking rims on my car, I want to go do some, I want to go do some crazy shit too, but I keep cleaning up your mess with that. I don't get to do the right shit.

DeLaw:

That's one of the DNA at that point. It's like, oh well, he got it. He in their head, if you tell them you're worth let's say 700 mil, right? Let's say you're worth 700 million, which just around about in their head, your 700 million never goes away.

Wes:

Exactly. You keep keep a 700 mil every year.

DeLaw:

Yeah, it's like, oh well, you got it, you got it. No, ma'am, I do not. I had to tell my wife one time, she's like, Well, you always got all you got like tens of thousands of dollars saved up. I said, I had tens of thousands of dollars saved up before we brought this damn house. Yeah, all my money went to this house to make sure we could get the down payment, and then we still didn't have enough, and I had to ask somebody for 10 gigs, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like it's like, well, you know, you probably just got a uh savings or something. How are you gonna assume I have a savings?

Wes:

Listen, my wife don't even got to assume, she knows I do. I ain't she don't know what's in it, but she knows I do.

DeLaw:

Hey, look, I told my wife.

Wes:

Listen, she didn't fumble the bag so many times that I had to. I'm just like ain't no fucking way.

DeLaw:

I told my wife, don't even assume that I have money just sitting around because I put it all into this house. Therefore, for the last five years since we've had this house, I've been trying to get back to tens of thousands.

Wes:

Yeah, yeah.

DeLaw:

You know what I'm saying? So you you you assuming that I have it to me is is insulting.

Wes:

Not assume, assume all the way. I ain't say act, but assume all the way.

DeLaw:

Hey, look, she was like, Oh, we get divorced. I want half. I said, You can't have half of the house because hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Wes:

This is a whole nother if you she's saying, like, if y'all can't okay, hold on.

DeLaw:

If you want to sell the house and get half, I said, No, if we sell this house, no, I need my the the down payment I put, or and me and the person who helped me make sure we succeed, make sure they square, yeah, yeah. No, we need to be taken care of before we split that money because you didn't drop a down on that on that uh that I mean, I I would say that's fair.

Wes:

I would say that's fair. Because if it was the other way around, she'll say the same thing.

DeLaw:

Yeah.

Wes:

And then she'll look at you crazy. Like, why you want half of something that you ain't actually put forth the you know what I mean?

DeLaw:

Yeah. Like I get I get the okay, well, the house is worth let's say the house worth 20k or let's say the house worth 100k. I'm gonna need I'm gonna need that uh 13k. I'm gonna need that 13k bag. One to put, you know, one for what is it, 13k, I think. It was it was like almost 14k, and I only had 8k. So I asked somebody if they could let me get 10k. Of that 10k, maybe five went to the down payment. The other five went to doing stuff she wanted to do to the house as far as getting blind and stuff like that. So all that's really gonna happen is that 18k is coming off off the top and saying it goes back to me and that person that that loan is the money and to you know make sure that you know when I say I say, I saved, like I had already put the down payment on the place we were renting, and then I kept saving up money to buy a house. And it's like, oh well, you know, you're still you know, you're doing a good job saving, and then she wasn't saving shit. Every time I turn around, she was getting some more man. But we trying to get this house, like yo, what are we doing?

Wes:

Story old as time, like I said, story old as time. Beauty and the beast, uh, beauty and the beast.

DeLaw:

Well, Taylor's old as time.

Wes:

Oh well, man, yeah, that's an old one. I forgot the original, uh thinking about Cinderella. I don't know, but um, yeah, man, it's uh, and I'm not saying that this is uh all woman thing, it's just I think it's just uh the fact that there's a safety net, and you know, it it it it comforts them in a way that they don't, you know, they don't, you know, they ain't thinking about it.

DeLaw:

They they want to live that high life. Um I'm not saying guys don't want to live that high life.

Wes:

No, we do, but you know what feels more better as a man? Like I'm not more better, but you know what feels good as a man knowing you're taking care of your responsibilities and you get to do that cool shit. There's so many women that you you come across just in passing or y'all talking and shit, they live that life and then it starts to hurt them, and now they they scared, they always anxious and shit. They don't know how they go and fucking eat a meal, and it's just like, what did you do? Well, I bought some Gucci shoes, and it's like, huh? You want some Gucci shoes before you went to shoppers or safe place? Like they do shit like that. Now I'm gonna just go on a couple dates and I figure it out, I guess. Blah blah blah.

DeLaw:

It's just like yeah, I mean, because even when we went to Panama, we had to sit through a little presentation or whatever. The dude was like, Oh, yeah, I really have like a 50-50 uh marriage. I said, Yeah, as long as her half of the bills are paid and my half of the bills are paid, we do not care what the other one does with the rest of their money. Yeah, but make sure you pay your part of the bill. And I said, It works, that's the best way it works out for us because then it doesn't limit somebody on what they can do with their money. They just, you know, at the end of the day, if all it is is make sure you have your half of the bills, and your half of the bills might be 60% of your check, right? Yeah, I mean, I won't say half. We'll just say 50% of your check is ha is the the joint bills, the rest of your check is your own bills, and you can do whatever you want to do with whatever, you know, whatever else your your money is.

Wes:

You know, just keep keep it rolling like that. That's how I look at that.

DeLaw:

I mean, I done I done pretty much my wife's bills. The only bill I think my wife does that isn't with me is the BGE. Or in the some uh maybe some other stuff like the homeowner's insurance or something. Not a homeowners. No, the rain camera, that's with me.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

I pay for that, I pay for RCI, which is our vacation stuff, like go vacation. I pay for that. Pays for the ring camera, she pays for the VGE, she pays for I guess American Home Show. Yeah, whatever they do.

Wes:

You know what they do. They come out and insurance for uh insurance for your appliances and shit.

DeLaw:

Yeah, so she plays for the the appliance insurance, and she fronts the car insurance, the car insurance is, but I still pay that. I still pay mine. Yeah, so she's responsible for you know it comes out of her account. I told her, I said, Well, I'm running out of money, you know. Our kids not I'm like, well, then tell her to pay his portion, like he giving you the check, like, oh well they my check didn't come in. Nigga, you check you work for you.

Wes:

Ain't no way I'm working, my check ain't coming. I'm just like, my check ain't coming, mom. Look. Granted, it could get stuff like that. Does happen, but it ain't gonna, it's not an everyday thing.

DeLaw:

But if you spent your money, does it just say you spent all your money? Why? All right, cool, whatever.

Wes:

Starve.

DeLaw:

Yeah, I'm gonna need um we're gonna need that bread back.

Wes:

So I got I got uh I got a question for you. So you have two children, son and daughter, both kind of adults. Uh okay, let me just read you the uh let me let me read you the scenario. Yeah, this lady uh she says her husband passed away unexpectedly in uh early 2024 from a heart attack. Yeah, she started working out, man. Yeah, she she received a license life insurance payout, and she's been managing it carefully. Recently, she used a portion around 60k to pay off her daughter's student loans. Now dummy. Yeah. Now her son is upset saying, I'm playing favorites because I did not give him the same amount of money as his sister. Back in 2005, my daughter was 18, very bright, but dealing with depression and unsure what to do after school. I pressured her, I pressured her hard to go to university because I thought it was the best path for her. She wasn't ready, but when she wasn't ready but went anyway to please her father and I. She ended up doing history because it was most it was the most tolerable, tolerable thing to her. And she just wanted to get a degree to get us off her back. That degree didn't lead anywhere. She worked low-paying jobs for years, accumulated significant debt as her loan value increased due to indexation. I never heard of that for her, but it does be indexation. Similar to interest. At 30, frustrated with her employment prospects, she went back to university, got a law degree in our country. Law can be done as an undergrad.

DeLaw:

Really? And her so she's an out of the country person.

Wes:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not she in the states. She now has a job in the field, but her debt was basically double because of the degree she only did because I pressured her. I've always felt some guilt over that. And now that I'm in a position to help, I chose to pay off her loans. Because I forgot to uh she forgot to mention, I forgot to mention this. She was in the she was she was in the first few years of her law job paying back more than the minimum that she more than the minimum that she has, and more than the minimum she has to, more than the minimum she has to in an attempt to pay down, pay them down faster. So was trying to help herself. Her younger brother never went to university. He's not an av, he's not an academic, has never been very smart, that's mean, always hated school and dropped out at 15. Okay. I never pushed him the way I did her. He's been working as a postal delivery worker for years, has and has no student debt. When we when he found out I paid off her loans because I accidentally sent him a text message meant for her, he demanded the same amount in cash. I told him that I've done this specifically because it's an educational expense. Her brother gets fun money, and all she gets is a degree. I pressured her to do paid off. And honestly, I don't think a lump sum would be good for him. He doesn't manage money well and tends to spend impulsively. They want to know, are they wrong for saying no? That I did just correct what I feel was a mistake.

DeLaw:

Yep. I was coming with it.

Wes:

Yeah. Yeah.

DeLaw:

It was wrong. It was all the way wrong.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

And I only reason I say that is based on how she phrased it. She pretty much said the nigga was stupid enough, was stupid, and he wasn't smart enough to go to college. Therefore, they said nigga, go get a job. He would have found him a job to go make him money.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

Their daughter, who they felt not knew, but felt was smart and could do it, and her being a woman, wanted her daughter, oh, he needs to go to college, he needs to go to college. Pushed her into it. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, why didn't you push your son into it? You didn't push your son into going to school.

Wes:

Well, he had dropped out at 15. How you she was already 18 when she was pushing them to when she was pushing her to go to university and go to college. He was 15 and dropped out. There is no going to college.

DeLaw:

And I mean, mom was the same. Just like when I was playing a drop out at 15, my mom was like, Well, if you drop out, in my view, she probably gets it. If you drop out, it's uh you're gonna have to pay rent and you're gonna have to do this, this, this, and then this. Yeah, okay, cool. And he did his part. She went to school into the bullshit major because she didn't even want to go. She didn't want to go.

Wes:

But she's right, I agree, but she's seeing it as she's paying off the debt from the first fucking thing that she didn't have to do in the first place because they they forced her to. I guess she's the her she's feeling like, yo, we pretty much made her do this and she didn't want to do it.

DeLaw:

No, her daughter's a favorite. Her daughter's a favorite, yo. No, no, no, no, really, really.

Wes:

Do you think the daughter's the favorite because okay, do you think the daughter's the favorite in general or because she did what they asked?

DeLaw:

No, the daughter's the favorite. One, because she is mom to mom the daughter, two, because she did what I asked, and three, she picked a bullshit major. Then I forced her to be like, You gonna keep working these low-paying jobs? I want you to be better than your brother, whatever.

Wes:

You know, you didn't get all that from what I read.

DeLaw:

Yes, I did. I got all that, I got all that, all that. It's it's it's a it's a a gender-to-gender thing. So, you know how like when men raise their sons, they raised them to be better than them. So, mom, based on whatever she did in her life, was pushing her to be better than her.

Wes:

I don't remember reading any of this. She said, I feel like I forced her and I shouldn't have.

DeLaw:

That's what she said. That is what she said. That but that is her. I'm a mom, you're my daughter. I didn't live how I want to live because this, this, this, and this. So I want you to be better than me, so I'm gonna push it.

Wes:

Yo, but you don't know.

DeLaw:

She you don't look look, we're we're podcasters.

Wes:

Yeah, okay.

DeLaw:

I take my I take what I saw and I ran with it. All right. True. I mean, I'm just I'm just saying, just in general, just how I viewed it.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

Um, because it's just it's the same shit. Where like um, well, I guess me and my mom are two different genders, but my mom pushed me to be better than her, go to college, get your degree, get a good paying job, but she didn't push my sister the same way that they pushed me. And I'll say this, it's probably not the best thing for me to say what I'm gonna say anyway. They didn't trust my sister's academia. They knew I really knew they knew I was smart, they knew I you know I I I was I was smart beyond God knows what they didn't have that same faith in my sister. So even though my sister did go to college, even though my sister did, I don't know if I don't think my sister fetish, but she went they they kind of was like, Okay, well that's cool that you went, all right.

Wes:

For them, it was like, well, you know, not hearing you say that, there and this is kind of this is on topic, there's higher expectations on um uh men slash boys slash men than it is girl slash women. Yeah, because I don't think your uh your parents would have been like, Oh, it's cool that you went to college. Your stepfather definitely wasn't gonna be like that with you.

DeLaw:

Oh no, not at all. Oh, not at all.

Wes:

And your mom would have been like, Come on, man.

DeLaw:

The rule, the unspoken rule in the house was you was I say the unspoken rule, which uh you know, I don't keep it in this house, but the unspoken rule was you gotta do as good as or better than what I did. And my mom has a master's. I ain't getting no masters. Y'all lucky I even got the goddamn bachelor's at this point.

Wes:

Go back and get my master's button.

DeLaw:

Yeah, I was like, uh, I ain't gonna get no master's one. Are you sure? I said, well, look, but I I started a business. Does that equate for mastery?

Wes:

Yeah, maybe.

DeLaw:

In my mind it do. You know, my mind it does. It's like, all right, well, I might not have went and got a master's or anything, but I'm working in a field where I gotta be as good as advertised, and to get your masters, you you gotta do the same shit.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

But but that's just like I said, that's just my opinion. Um, I've seen where parents are like, they know parents know which one of their kids is smart. They they a lot of times they know which one it is.

Wes:

And sometimes I be thinking, like, all right, yeah, unless it's let's run with that, they know which one of their kids is smart. Who fault is that that one of the kids is smarter than the other? Yeah, because unless there's a mental uh cognitive uh reason or mental reason why that's not the case, that means what one just took to uh education easier and you didn't have you had to be less hands-on, but you chose not to be more hands-on with the other, right? Or even i.e., or even get a tutor for the other. That sounds like that's a that's the parents' fault. And dare I say, because I am not a parent yet, but I would feel like it's my fault if one of my kids just seemed to be super smart and I know this when they ain't fucking got no mental issues.

DeLaw:

Well, like I always say, I would never say I was super smart. I just knew how to do my math.

Wes:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DeLaw:

And at that time, and at that time, math was a big thing that if you knew it and you could do it, and it was easy that it came to you. You were viewed now.

Wes:

You got AI and fucking computers doing all that math shit.

DeLaw:

Yeah, and now you yeah, you were viewed, you were viewed as smart because you could you could do you could you could understand stuff that people couldn't understand, or that a multitude of people who wanted to understand it just couldn't.

Wes:

Yeah. And and hearing us uh hearing this out loud, like as of what I'm saying and hearing what you're saying, um uh intelligence uh is very, very subjective when you think about it because it's like um, sure, a person, like there's some subjects I just wasn't good at, right? Or just I had a hard time with, and everybody has those issues. Um at the end of the day, the subjects that I had problems with, I I don't need them. I never need them. And it's one of those things where it's like not even to the capacity that I was learning it at. So is that it's it's subjective because you you're gonna be smarter than me in math. I'm gonna be smarter than you in uh uh a certain subject or whatever have you. That doesn't mean that one is more intelligent than the other, you know what I mean? It's just a weird thing to kind of gauge that. Well, I have this type of job, so I must be smarter than you. It's like no no no no no, you just know that you don't know every you know what I mean. You don't know thermodynamics or uh uh I mean I know thermodynamics, but I mean thermodynamics and uh I mean not to say it like that, but when you when you says it, I'm not saying you per se. I am not saying you per se, but you get what I mean. That ain't your specialty.

DeLaw:

It's not my special, not not by a long shot, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll get those competitions wrong all the time.

Wes:

Like you get a rocket scientist for rocket science, you don't get a fucking uh I bake bread motherfucker for rocket science because he's gonna seem dumb. You you don't you take that rocket scientist sensitive like all right, this is how you uh make me a blah blah blah blah blah. I I don't know what the fuck that is. Exactly. Get the fuck out of my kitchen.

DeLaw:

You don't pull me off the street to build your rocket. Don't do that, you don't do that. Don't don't pull me off the street to build your rocket because I'd be like, Well, this is how I think it should go. Mathematics.

Wes:

I'm gonna be like, Where I'm gonna go more to the gas station and get the fuel. I'll be right back. They're gonna be like, excuse me, sir. Even I know you need jet fuel. See, I don't even think you need that. Jets fuels for jets, not for rockets.

DeLaw:

There you go. See, that lets you know that I don't know shit.

Wes:

I think rockets is like mainly hydrogen and something else. Hydrogen and something, I forget what it is, but you get what I'm saying. Like, oh, let me go to the hydrogen store. Like, like that's not how that shit works.

DeLaw:

I think parents, it ends up being one of those things where um their view of smart is based on just what it is.

Wes:

What amazes them at the time, yeah.

DeLaw:

Like if if if your kid can can can write in their opinion, oh you know, they're they're a really good writer, they'll never say they're smart. Depending on what they're writing, I believe certain writers are super smart.

Wes:

It's subjective because it's kind of like I don't know how to do that, right? You you kind of get what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't know how to do it, I don't practice it. It's not something that I do, so it's it's a lot of things that just even by definition. I'm just drawn to say, oh, they're smart because of this, this, this. Like I'm programmed to think that and not think like they just know how to do that one thing, just like I know how to do one or two things. Smart is like you know how to do Tony Stark shit, Batman shit. You just know a little bit of everything, you know, like exceedingly enough information about everything. Wakanda shit, you know what I mean? Black Panther shit knows like multiple fucking martial arts, super smart, knows engineer, you know, engineering, chemistry, and all that other shit.

DeLaw:

Yeah, knows how to business savvy, like but like I said, you you never hear no parents say my kid is smart and they know how to write and do creative writing or art shit. Yeah, if their kids are good in science or math, physics, or any of those sciences or math things, that's when you'll hear parents say, Oh, my kid's smart. Because in their head, that's what smart is. If you can, if you can understand numbers and and things of that nature, in their opinion, and across the world, or I'm sorry, across the country in America, you're smart. If you if you can just write, like just like when you pick your major, I pick journalism. Journalism, what the fuck you gonna do with journalism? You can't even get a job for real. Who who the fuck reads the paper anymore? You know what I'm saying? Like shit like that. You you you you start looking at especially the jobs you gotta get now.

Wes:

Yeah, very true.

DeLaw:

Everything is map-based, so if you can't do it, it's like, all right, well, are they smart?

Wes:

Yeah, and the thing is it shouldn't even uh her putting that in the uh in the thing is kind of like I get why you probably didn't push him. I'm gonna say mainly because he dropped out at 15. But but if he's another one, the the brother, the son slash brother shouldn't even feel like he deserves that because his sister didn't get that in hand. Mom's pay he paid off the to like the debt. Her sister don't have a free 60k. You're you want a free 60k, and it's something that I felt like I shouldn't have done anyway. It's just wiping the sleet clean. You didn't have a sleet to begin with.

DeLaw:

I kind of I kind of side with the brother, and I only side.

Wes:

Wow, he he's gonna spend his shit on cocaine and hookers.

DeLaw:

But as much as it might be, oh well, you know, you didn't you didn't go to college, you didn't acquire this debt and everything else, he also has been working hard and paying that stuff on time and everything else, and he might just need that money to help propel him to get out of some out of some sort of debt to evil.

Wes:

But you go to your mom and uh so you go to your mom and demand that you get the 60k. When I explicitly said, as the mother, she explicitly said, I'm writing a wrong. I forced her to go to school. I'm just paying off that debt. I'm pretty sure when she went to law school, there's another debt that the daughter has to still pay. It's just wiping that slate clean. Because she chose to law school shit, she chose to do that on her own. The history shit, I wiped that shit off you. I that's I fucked up. We fucked up as parents. You were depressed, we tried to force you to do this. We fucked up. You didn't get a real fucking degree that was gonna get you something.

DeLaw:

The daughter didn't have to finish or do it, she just had to show up the card. She chose to keep going through history.

Wes:

I just don't made her she was the pro she was trying to make the pro. So you at the so at the end of the at the end of the day, you feel like the son needs his 60k.

DeLaw:

If you're gonna pay off some debt, because we don't know what that 60k is.

Wes:

She said it was she's she said it was the debt.

DeLaw:

No, I'm talking about for him. Okay, because that could be that could be his down payment on a house so that he doesn't have to keep paying rent and not get nothing back on his taxes. That could be on a car that's broken down that he's walking to work or taking public transportation.

Wes:

So at what point, what point as a child, I mean, what point as a uh as an adult child or uh and the relationship between an adult child and a parent, do you take the uh take the uh take the security blanket? One person is still they're both doing things with their life, right? One person appears to be doing not better, but just a different path. She's still putting and into herself and bettering herself. Not to say that the son isn't, but this is a clear way that we see that the uh the daughter is bettering herself. The mom is trying to write a wrong rather than like she said, the son spends his money impulsively and stuff like that. Like he's living, he's doing what he needs to do. I'm not saying one life is better than the other, but she gave reasons why to right or wrong, he spends the money impulsively. He's been a fuckhead and uh and uh he's been fucking around.

DeLaw:

But if he's been working since 15 and he's making what he's been doing since 15, he all he knows is I make my money, work hard, play hard, and the way he's and and that's and that's the way he wants to live his life, that's fine.

Wes:

But he's not entitled to the 60k. The daughter didn't even get the 60k in hand.

DeLaw:

No, but it still shows favoritism to get her out of debt from paying stuff because he's not getting that same relief.

Wes:

Let's say he that is a that is a good that is a very good point. I get that, but 60k, do you think he deserves 60k or just summon? Or put it this way it could be debt for debt. Show me your debt. I got you. If show me your debt, you're not getting this money in your hand.

DeLaw:

She didn't get the money in your hand, you're not getting the money in hand. If mom said, What do you need it for? Same conversation last time we recorded. If mom says, Yeah, yeah, true, show me what your debt is, I'll pay it. I can live with that.

Wes:

Yeah, me too.

DeLaw:

If he just wants it because he wants to be able to blow 60 grand, then no, yeah. No, because now now you now you just squall the money away. Yeah, but if you have a debt or you have something you want to do, let's say he wants to buy a house, or depending on where they are, if they're in Africa, they want to buy land, you buy land and build on it, or let's say he needs a car, then okay, don't worry about paying the car. I will pay the car, or you just gotta take care of the maintenance.

Wes:

No, I ain't even doing that because it's one of those things where if I'm gonna be fair, I didn't give my daughter money to pay off something that she's doing, she's choosing to do in her life. Let's just say the other student loan. She went back to school to get the degree. I I ain't paying for that. I'm not paying for money to get her a car or anything like that. We doing debt to debt, we being fair in this bitch. So show me your debt.

DeLaw:

It ain't it ain't fair.

Wes:

You know, let's just okay, put it this way. Even if the debt totals up to 60k, let's say say it totals past 60k, you're only getting 60k towards your debt, and I'll pay that motherfucker off.

DeLaw:

Fair is fair, because the way it still sounds is she's how does it sound that way fair is fair? The way it sounds is I'm paying this debt off because I forced it. Yes, versus the the girl still was an adult and had a choice to not go to school, exactly.

Wes:

So so does her being in the depressed a depression state mean anything when she got that history degree?

DeLaw:

Because the mom was the one that was in depressive state, right?

Wes:

No, the daughter.

DeLaw:

Well, the daughter's in a depressive state because she chose a bullshit major.

Wes:

No, no, no, she was depressed, she was the she was depressed before that.

DeLaw:

Look at the end of the day, every choice you make, you have to make with a sound mind. And regardless whether or not your parents are forcing you to go do it, regardless of anything else, they just said you need to go to school. They didn't tell you what made you pick.

Wes:

That's just like saying, that's just like saying, and uh, and another in a uh that's just you could also uh uh make the argument with like yo, all we was doing was asking you to stay in school and graduate high school and and go to university. You decided to drop out, so why do you think you deserve maybe if you actually racked up some debt, we'll be paying your fucking student loans off too. But I'm not exactly so how is he still inside? So how is he still entitled to 60k?

DeLaw:

He's entitled to 60k because mom feels guilty.

Wes:

It isn't it it's not she pushed one, she pushed one person into doing something they didn't want to do before they was ready. The other person didn't get pushed at all. So if the if the premise is I feel guilty, and me and your dad shouldn't have done this, God rest his soul. Why do you think you owe 60? Why do you think you're owed 60?

DeLaw:

He's owed some reparations. Nah. Nah, because look at the end of the day, okay, she feels guilty that she pushed her into that bullshit. At college, and then the daughter decided, well, shit, they're forged me into let me pick the easiest thing I can do, not realizing that shit matters wherever she lives at. That isn't a problem of the parent. She just feels guilty because now it's like, damn, I pushed my daughter into like trying to be better than me, and she's worse off than me. And no, like, no. At this point, this is why parents, and I'm not saying at all parents, but this is why parents need to understand your daughter's depressed. No, what we have yet to even hit why your daughter's even depressed. Why is your daughter depressed? We don't know why your daughter's depressed. You just know your daughter was depressed before this, but you forced her to go to college. And then you feel guilty that she chose a major to make you happy. And it was just, I chose a major because it was the easiest major that would be the less resistant so that I could be depressed and upset in my life alone.

Wes:

Right.

DeLaw:

And now mom is like, well, now I feel bad because she went back and got a whole law degree, and I feel like I should pay this because I kind of forced it. What parent in the US hasn't forced their kid to go to college? In our time. Not this new generation, but in our time. I take it as the girl was just dumb enough to pick the dumb major and she earned that 60k and she needs to pay herself. But if mom won't pay because she feels guilty, then mom, I need you to pay a debt, or you need to, I need a new car. I need something. The new car is less than that 60 G's.

Wes:

I just need a new car. So you you have two children. Same scenario. You're you're giving your you're giving your son 60k.

DeLaw:

Same scenario. If I up and do that for my daughter, I would say to my son, okay, well, what do you need paid? What do you need paid that isn't going into your pocket? Because if the 60 G's isn't going to her pocket, it's going to the debt. What do you need that's not going into your pocket? And that's fair at that point. If it's well then my car ain't running right, I need a new car. Okay, cool. We're gonna pick out a car. We're gonna pick out a car that's reasonable.

Wes:

Can I get a 60k car?

DeLaw:

No, you ain't gonna fancy schedule. But but but but if that's the arrangement of I'll give you 60k to whatever you need that's not going to your pocket. He wants a 60k car, then that's it.

Wes:

That's some stupid. I'm not allowing my son to do that.

DeLaw:

It's it is so if you decide it because look, look, here's here's my rationale for it.

Wes:

So let's no, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna throw your rationale in the trash. Go ahead. I already know what you go ahead.

DeLaw:

So let's say he decides he wants the $60,000 out of it. Right? You are now responsible for that maintenance. And the rule of thumb of buying anything is if you can't afford the maintenance, don't purchase the shit, right? So you purchasing something off of status. Well, I'm gonna get this out. My dad brought this for me. Hey, dad, uh uh something's going on with the car. Whose problem is that now? Because you chose a stupid car that you couldn't pay the maintenance on. Therefore, figure the shit out. Just like I'm about to tell that's just like I told my daughter, you decide to do this bullshit. I I paid you out of that 60k, you're on your own law, degree, shit, whatever. Figure the shit out. But if you want to be fair as fair, look, I did, I told you I did what I was gonna do. Therefore, you gotta pay for anything else that comes out of it. Ain't got nothing to do with me. I did my part.

Wes:

Do you okay? Do you believe, you do believe that there are uh there are uh what do you call it? There's biases and and contradictories and and um what is the word I'm looking for? Uh nuances between men and women, right? Like what we we not the same and we can't do the same things. We not we can't do the same things, we are not the same, and the same rules don't apply to each of us, right?

DeLaw:

Um, as a male, no, I never believed that.

Wes:

So you believe that we'll it should be one for one, the world works one for one?

DeLaw:

I know the world doesn't work one for one. Okay, so you can't lose as far as uh a perspective of how I would want things to go. I gotcha. I would, you know, it'll be one of the things, but for my kids, for my kids, but but besides the fact that I'll do anything for them to make sure that they are a I will always do my best, and I guess just the benefit of me is if I tell you it's gonna get done, it's gonna get done. Okay, so I'm be consistent.

Wes:

So that's because you are that type of man, right?

DeLaw:

That's just I just got it.

Wes:

So, how do you instill that into your son? Because your daughter doesn't need those particular qualities per se, but your boy does. So, my argument would be is that you're definitely gonna be treating your daughter differently than what you would treat your son. There are some people, some men, which I don't agree with. They will anytime their daughter asks for something, they'll give it to their daughter because they don't want their daughter doing nothing crazy for money, right? Like being on a pole, selling her pussy, shit like that. And that does it when it comes to their son, it's you gotta figure it out. I ain't gonna be doing this too much. So I don't agree with the daughter's uh portion of that. Uh, and because it's one of those things I feel like as a man, I want to teach my daughter why you need to be uh uh how could I put it? You need to understand the real, real value of a dollar and that society is built to actually just to keep you spending and wanting and stuff like that. Like, why do you really need it? Now, if it's something like a need need, yeah, we're gonna work it out. Like with my son, if it's something like a need need, yeah, we're gonna work it out. But if it's for some shoes, some this, some that, some this, some that, I'm not really doing too much of that for any of them because my daughter needs to understand this is how the real world works when she comes to a man that's ready to be a man in front of her. She needs to be the proper person slash wife for that man to understand that. Because if I set that precedence with her, i.e., my daughter, that whatever I ask for, I get, she's gonna run good men off that's willing and want to be able to take care of her and have a partner and a helpmate. So the way I'm real the way I'm raising both of them is still gonna be different. So I cannot expect, I should not. My son might say some shit like that. Well, she got this, this, and this. It ain't the same thing. No matter what, if she falls on hard times, somebody's more than willing gonna help her. They're not gonna help you. So at all times, you need to have your shit together.

DeLaw:

I might say that's not true.

Wes:

So in my head, I'm like, yo, I see why you think you need this 60k. This is something that dad is on on uh um trying to solve. She didn't get that in hand. He she did she she's not having a field day with it, but at the same time, she's still doing things in her life to better herself, and I'm sure you are too. So, yeah, I I'll I'll I'll settle with like yo, let's do what debt do you have? Debt to debt, you know what I mean? It can't total over 60k because I didn't give her over 60k. So I'll settle with that. But to say, hey, for a car, no, because that's just like saying, Oh, well, dad, uh, I'm in law school. You paid a law school debt too. No, you decided to do that, just like you decided to get a car. That's not a me thing, but I can be fair, I can be, you know what I mean? I can be fair in that regard, but the rules are gonna be different. I'm I want you to be a better man than me, so that means you need to have your shit together in a way where hey, I might have to ask you for money. Can I get it? I don't want to, but I need to make sure that you are the man that I that I'm trying to, I'm still, you know what I mean? So it's like it's not the same, and I know you feel that way too. You would not, I ain't gonna say you would probably give your daughter any and everything, but at some point you're gonna be like, yo, I still need you to be a good, a good understanding wife out here if you choose to be a wife, you know what I mean?

DeLaw:

Hey, babe, we gotta go, you know, hey daughter, you gotta go to college. She they forced her to go. This is the whole situation. They forced her to go. It turns to I don't want to go to college. Okay, cool. What's your plan? Because you ain't living here, not doing nothing. You want to work or you going to school?

Wes:

D Law, she was depressed. That was the situation. She went there in a depressive state. So just because they she it was the same, pretty much the same conversation, most likely.

DeLaw:

Nah, they they took it easier on her. She's depressed. Let's let's caterer. And I get it, you gotta be a little bit different to to to women than you do to guys.

Wes:

I'm not saying depression from a guy from a woman is any it's different, but it's it's still drastic, right? Depression is depression. That's not what I'm saying.

DeLaw:

Um, mom baby girl on that one. Mom being mom baby girl on that one. They they should have already, oh, I'm gonna go do what was her major in? Um, making money, allergy like they should have said, look, we we get you're probably just doing this. Like, if you don't, if you if you pick this major, there there's not much you can do. She picked history. You you picked history. The only thing you can do with history is go teach. Do you want to teach? You want you you wanna go teach? You wanna teach these badass kids out here? They up here standing on desk and twerk, the dudes twerking, and the women out here bossing, bossing up thinking they niggas. This is what you want to do? Then you then you circle back and go to school to go get a law degree. Why didn't you do that the first time? Right. That's how I look at it. Nine times out of ten, I wouldn't have paid that 60 grand. Therefore, I wouldn't have to worry about the 60 grand for the kid, the sun. You know what I'm saying? It's just you chose to you you chose to be spiteful and not think about your behavior and career and what you gotta do in your life. Right. So that's that that that's a different portion of it. I definitely want to gave the daughter no 60 grand. And hell nah. Well, I blame it on you because y'all made me go. I didn't make you go. You wanted to stay here, right? You wanted to have a place to come home to. So either you go work full time or you go to school. I ain't tell you what major to pick, I ain't tell you what the fuck to do. Pick something because you ain't gonna sit in my house because you depressed over your life, then you're gonna be sitting in this house. The doctor said, the doctor said, the doctor didn't tell me I'll keep you in this motherfucker. The doctor said, I can let your ass go ahead and roam the streets and shit. So what you want, what you wanna do? But that but that is the the the the difference that the it is, I guess the insensitiveness or the difference between me and a lot of people is I I look at people using their crutches as what it is, a crutch. They're using it as a crutch, they're not using it because they need it, it's a way of I want sympathy of people to do stuff for me, just like with my stepson. Oh, well, you know, this, this, and no, I tell my wife all the time. What are we doing? Why are we sitting here babying this little thing? No, he's 18. He had a car, he had a job, he lost a car, he lost a job.

Wes:

What are like what do you mean you lost a car?

DeLaw:

Well long story short, we get him his his grandfather's car.

Wes:

Okay.

DeLaw:

Back in July. And he decided once he got the car, he was just going to just willy-nilly ride all over the world, not come home. Now he got a he got a provisional.

Wes:

Oh, gee.

DeLaw:

So he gotta be home, but he he can't be driving after 12 and no time before 5. So after 12 a.m., he can't drive and he can't start driving again but at until after 5 feet or 5 a.m. Right. He walking in the house 2 o'clock in the morning, 3 o'clock in the morning, 4 o'clock in the morning, racking up speed trap tickets. And I'm just like, really? Oh he right, he's wrapped up more speed trap tickets than I racked up in my whole life. Times 10. Okay, times 10. Like, I think I might have I might have gotten $120, and that's three speed trap tickets. This little nigga done racked up at least $2,200 in speed trap tickets in his first two months of driving. Damn. First two months, not the first two years, not the first 20 years. Cause I've been driving since I was 16. I'm 40. That's crazy.

Wes:

You're talking about about any speed speed drops is in like the cameras and shit, right?

DeLaw:

Yeah, the speed, yeah.

Wes:

I've had a lot of them. You know, maybe like five, maybe like five.

DeLaw:

Yeah, and like 24 years, I've gotten three.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

Okay. This little nigga, these things were they practically need a bulldozer to bring these motherfuckers. I know I'm exaggerating, but every other day we were getting two or three.

Wes:

So the fact that you're not paying attention to like, all right, is that a camera right there? You just driving, that's crazy. You know what the funny part is, and you try the same path, the same path, that's what I'm saying. The same path. Yeah, that's crazy.

DeLaw:

First time I was like, all right, maybe he didn't notice it because he might not drive out that way. But when the tickets come in from the same place over and over and over and over and over, it's like, nigga, are you looking? How do you come up with 10 tickets at the same damn spot? That's crazy in the course, and then some of them were two, three times a day. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, and it's like okay. Huh?

Wes:

How do you lose the car?

DeLaw:

Because I told her, I said, yo, if he's gonna be doing that, he don't even be driving his grandfather's car. Because all he's doing is run these little niggas around all day, every day, catching these tickets. If he's gonna do all that, get him a hoopty. Yeah, get him a little hoopty, something that's gonna be easy on our on the pockets or the insurance or liability or whatever, and he can ride them little niggas around in that. Because now, if you ride around in something nice, you out there trying to pick up bitches. Like, I'm not dumb. I know what I know what time it is. Your wife car paid off.

Wes:

Well, that's the thing. She could have just started driving that car and kept up and saved a bill.

DeLaw:

She traded her car, she she sold her car, yeah, and took and took her father's car. So his graph, so the car he had, she took and said, Oh, nonsense, you about to be out here just running. Yeah, that's okay.

Wes:

I was I was hoping the story ended with that because that's what the fuck I would have done.

DeLaw:

Yeah, yeah, she took that car and said, Oh nah, nigga, nope, yeah, yeah, yeah. This dead. And I was like, yo, I said, there's no way he's coming in with all these tickets. Because some tickets came in on her name because oh was letting him, she was letting him use her car. So Mark, I use your car, and then tickets were coming in on her car. Then we got gave him his grandfather's car, tickets started coming on that car, and as so I mean, I I I say it uh within the first day he got his license and we finally let him drive. If we look at the dates, he had eight tickets come in within four days. Well, he got eight tickets within four days of him starting his driving. He had 10 tickets in the first two weeks of him driving. I'm like, yo, no, this is dead. No, no, not being responsible. Yeah, is that you're not being responsible? And I don't she's like, Well, you know, he's a child that it's not a no, he's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Wes:

18. Here's the thing, even if you was even if you were quote unquote child, shouldn't be driving, right? But let's just say you're a new driver and shit like that. What happens to you scanning the road and going to speed limit? Right. Why are you that's that's just kind of it scanning the road and then going to speed limit.

DeLaw:

And they changed the the whole law, like it could you used to go past them drinks all the time and just get a 40 ticket on her.

Wes:

I got a 40 rank right here because uh I I rode through a stop sign. The stop the stop signs here got cameras in them now.

DeLaw:

Oh, really?

Wes:

A lot of well, not a lot of them, uh uh a bunch of them.

DeLaw:

Bunch of them, yeah. Look, he got a couple of those too. I'm like, nigga, just just fucking stop. No, no, now don't get me wrong. I I I do certain can until I get a uh uh a ticket from a certain camera, yeah. I'll roll through that that that stops. But once I see it, stop.

Wes:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DeLaw:

The ticket came in. You saw it.

Wes:

Yeah, like oh, this is where I got that ticket from. I'm not spending another whatever, whatever.

DeLaw:

I stop or go a different fucking way.

Wes:

Or go a different way.

DeLaw:

Like, it's just yeah, yeah. I just I just wonder about them sometimes. It's like, yo, like, there's no way that you're you're sitting here trying to convince us that you have been a responsible adult, and you have more tickets racked up than me and your mother combined combined over our lifetime of driving. Like even when I got my DUI. I didn't pay those tickets. I mean, they were fine and stuff, but I would if you pay those tickets, you get the points. So you know, I'm sitting here like, you know, there's no way that you think that and then and then it what was even funny Oh my gosh, my first ticket. Oh, isn't that Cool. No, nigga.

Wes:

He said that.

DeLaw:

Yeah, you said that all this fucking mouth. Well, no, nigga. That ain't that is not a badge of honor to get a fucking ticket.

Wes:

So imagine. So imagine in this story, that's what her son was all. That's what he was doing. That's what he was like. And you still think, you know what? Yeah. Give him 60k in hand.

DeLaw:

Nah. Nope.

Wes:

Pay his debt. Let's just say it's all tickets.

DeLaw:

Well, you know what?

Wes:

Let's just say it's all tickets.

DeLaw:

In this story, the wife is paid paid off all his tickets. So you would I put this way it's a clean state after this. You on your own. You can't risk you can't renew your uh your your uh registration, yeah, your license, all that. That's on you, nigga. Like I ain't got I ain't got I ain't got no sympathy for it. But that's just me. I don't I don't have no sympathy for for shit like that.

Wes:

Where it's like, oh well, you know, and even oh well You know, some parents would be like you should have never got yourself in this situation in the first place. So I'm not paying off that debt. I don't care if I gave her 60k to pay off her student loans.

DeLaw:

Because that's how I would be, like, it's not so you're contradicting yourself.

Wes:

So the debt matters to you basically.

DeLaw:

The debt don't matter to me. Ain't nobody, ain't nobody told you to get a bullshit major, ain't nobody told you to go out here running running speed traps and shit, not knowing where they are and being too high to understand where they are. That ain't my problem. But at some point, you gotta you gotta hold them accountable. I wouldn't have given her 60k off the bat, even well, you know, you guys forced me. No, I didn't. I didn't force you to do shit.

Wes:

Well, she the daughter never came out of her mouth and said, Y'all force her.

DeLaw:

The mom like she did because mom needs to realize at the end of the day, you wanted better for her, she didn't. She chose that route to do that bullshit shit, work a little pain dress, then went back to school and was like, All right, I fucked up. Okay, cool. Figure the shit out like the rest of us. Figure shit out like the rest of us. That's what it is. Oh, we always doing this. We just figure the shit as we go.

Wes:

Yeah.

DeLaw:

Ain't nobody turning back. Well, you know what? Because you no, ain't nobody doing all that.

Wes:

Yeah. Yeah. On that note, D Law has spoken. The law has been put down. Yeah. He feels like it's okay. I feel like nah. Nah. I'm doing it for a particular reason. I'm the parent, mind your business. Yeah, that is her fault for slipping up, though. I'm saying, oh, meant to text your sister. I be mad at shit too. Like, what the fuck is my 60k?

DeLaw:

No bullshit. Because I if she ain't do that shit, guess what? No, no one would have to do that. We wouldn't have the episode if we had if she had d her part and not slipped up.

Wes:

And not fucking slip up. But uh thank everybody for listening and tuning in, and uh I'll see you next time.